Perfect Flux Thing Jeremy Toback
08.08.98
11:28PM
In fifth grade I had this small stuffed animal. It wasn't
a mouse or a cat or a dog...rather a combination of all three if you will.
I called it a "G'day" in that cute fifth grade imagination that takes one's
world and twists it a trifle...a small display of my inherited Australian
background. I took it to school with me for several months. When our class
was assigned to participate in "Young Authors" a program wherein in school
children write, illustrate, and bind their own short stories...I put the
toy in the limelight and called the story "The Magical G'day", describing
magical powers of speech and flight and wish granting...
And I used to wonder why I was considered such a nerd...
This piece of recollection was brought on by a Burger
King happy meal toy...a stuffed animal from _Anastasia_ the Disney movie...named
"Pooka" with ears that flap when the belly is pushed, it closely resembles
that G'day...gone who knows where long years ago...
So my birthday was Wednesday and I've been meaning to
write an entry with at least that little highlight in it, but have been
busy with other matters...and tired...last entry was almost a week ago...
Monday I worked all day. Tuesday I ran around with Justine
and Katrina a bit. Wednesday Mom, Dad, Justine, Ron, Katrina, and I went
to the Olive Garden to celebrate my birthday. Justine, Ron, and Katrina
gave me money for new headphones, which I'd asked for and we were going
to shop for tuesday before the heat (almost 110 º F) got to us...I
got a pair of decent headphones yesterday, I'm using them now...
Mom and Dad got me one of those elctronic personal organizers/address
books...it has this neat little PC connectivity feature and came with Lotus
Organizer...it's way more gadgetry than I needed and I hope they didn't
spend too much money on it...but it was a great gift despite.
I can't remember what day it was now, tuesday or wednesday
or what...Dad spoke to me regarding the cold nature I've perceived in the
house as of late. He said he doesn't know how to talk to me anymore, as
I always seems to create an argument out of it, and that he doesn't understand
me--how I can be trying to pay off my credit debts but then still spend
all this money on music, recording gear and tickets and such, and how I
started working out to get in shape then gave up...perhaps even my new
fondness for cigars more often or all the beer I seem to be consuming (two
to three on average a night)...and he left it at that, and I was too shocked
to answer, I really didn't know what to say so I said nothing, listening
and nodding my understanding. I love my father so much. It hurts me to
see how we're distancing ourselves...I can't say It wasn't really in my
mind to sever ties to home...joing the army is part of that desire...but
I never wanted to kill the family. I have so much to owe my father, and
finances is only the smallest part of it. In some ways, his reading here
is good that it at least creates some insight for him...but bad in that
it reveals portions of myself perhaps best kept hidden from family, personal
things. There are things to be said that can hurt...for instance--my perception
on the argument issue stems from my rearing...I never seemed to get a chance
to state my side of the story, to say what was on my mind about an issue,
so now I do that every chance I possibly can, and it seems to come off
as a "I'm right, you're wrong" stature. I don't really seem to do that
with other people, or at the least, not nearly as often...I don't do ti
to hurt my father and I'm going to make a more conscious effort in the
future...but I guess harm has been done...For the rest, I believe I've
already made none my lust for the present and the hell with it's dollar
signs if it means sacrifices that need not be made, or that can be avoided
if at all possible. I know I have this habit of spending money whenever
I get it, and I've tried to work on it but it hasn't really gotten much
better. There is always something more that I want. My stance for now,
however, is this--I want to enjoy my last couple civilian months as much
as possible...I know he's concerned about my debts, and I don't think I'll
be paid off by my ship date...but I don't care about that now. They'll
be paid off at worst within a few months of my enlistment...After that
I *really do* plan on saving it all.
Jeremy Toback is playing the Bottom of the Hill Tuesday
and I'm thinking of going...
Green Day and the Foo Fighters played the EdgeFest in
Vancouver, Canada this year...HBO aired those performances last night so
I taped them...fell asleep doing laundry at 1:15AM for a few minutes while
the Foo was on...I was dead tired. Still haven't unloaded my darks from
the dryer. I'm really bad about leaving the darks in the dryer like that...Dad
leaves for Philadelphia tommorrow at 6AM...it's not really Philly he's
going to, but close by. I forgot the name of the city...
A few nights ago as I was walking out to my car after work to drive home, I thought I saw Chris sitting in a car with a friend of his near mine. Whoever it was seemed to be trying to hide his face (which is one reaosn I thought it *was* Chris). I made it a point to check my car, for vandalization...or worse...who knows where that boy's mind has taken him. I'd rahter take a moment to ascertain my silly paranoia than be hurt by a pipebomb or shredded tire or wathever...I really don't think he'd have the gall to do that...but like I said, who knows for certain.
I haven't heard from Rebecca for almost two weeks now. I hope things are working out for her.
I keep meaning to call people abou that extra Tricky ticket I have, but keep forgetting...
Oh yeah, I got a haircut Wednesday too...much easier to manage with it layered and the bangs chopped annd such. Saw the dermatologist friday morning and he prescribed my tetracycline 500mg. and some benzoyl peroxide 10% wash...pretty much exactly what I expected although the wash was a surprise...$90 for a five minute consultation. At least Kaiser handled the drugs...saving me about five bucks...
Took mom out to lunch after the doctor, Magic Garlic Resteraunt...a lovely Chicken w/ Mushroom in Chardonnay sauce whilst a large business party/lunch went on near us...argh, loud... hit Rasputin Records, got my 'phones, went to work. Today was get drugs then work work work type.
12:11AM (08.09.98)