Brian Setzer Orchestra 08.14.98
08.24.98
10:55PM
It's a bit more effort setting myself up to write outside so I can nab my cigar...but tonight it's just worth the effort. My self facing myself in the half lit glass...smoke curling about my face as I type...tunes replaying the past in my ears, another DAT on hand in case I run long winded or tire of this...everything is set right. THe only dismal fact is the lack of good quality beer...Bud Light is the only brew on hand, from my father's stock...Dad left just this morning for Ireland on business again, gone at least a week, maybe more. He's been stressing to me lately the importance of getting back into my workout routine to get myself ready for BCT, and he's right. I do need to start back up just in case I'm *not* in good enough shape...all this lazing about lately is a bad idea, as much as I want to just kick it and relax a bit...
Last night something disturbed me at the Motel 6 in Pittsburg...Chris and Becca walking hand in hand towards a room, no doubt abou to have sex. I was supposed to sop and park just feet from where I saw them for a delivery...but I was *not* abou to risk a confrontation...I drove right by them, knowing they'd see me and possibly agitate Chris, maybe make him think I was spying perhaps?, so I circled around a bit, parked in the nearby Walmart lot and walked over to the drop site.
Now I'm left to wonder who's getting duped by Becca. She
knows me well enough to know how easy I'd be to play off of, maybe she
lied about Josh and the STD. Maybe she was going to have sex with Chris
to give him her herpes in spite. Maybe she was just plain horny and realized
she'd get none from me...Maybe she's been lieing about her involvement
with Chris all along, like I've oft thought. After the Tricky show, she
had me drop her off at a quickie mart...*saying* she was staying with her
friend near there...but she'd also said Chris was staying with his grandparents,
and maybe she didn't realize I knew those grandparents lived just around
the corner from that store...Maybe I'm being a tad bit too distrustfull
to be suspicious, but she's not a trustworthy person, having once lied
to chris about being pregnant "just to see if he'd stay"...one thing is
for a few days, but she maintaned the lie for several months...
The fact that it was a hotel and not the place where
either where staying is a *little* comfort...but not enough to dissuade
me of any notion of trust any longer...My guess is that Becca will not
make contact with me again, scared of a) thinking the game is up b)being
afraid I'd discount all her truths as stories c) being back in with chris
or d)???? e)????...I no longer care. She's got her own plans, either the
ones she told me or other ones she's made with Chris or whoever else...I'll
leave her to them. She's got her choices to make and I don't wanna be involved.
Of course, I said that same thing not more than a few weeks ago but still went to the Tricky show with her...maybe that was a mistake.
Damn there's diginoise on this master now, just one small spot but it's definately not a mistrack just reloaded the tape to make sure...have to ask Ed if it's on his clone as well...my portable is over a year old and heavily used...maybe it's wearing down, time to have it serviced perhaps...
In case it might matter someday, it's a Bering cigar, caesar size.
Had today off...picked up some blank tapes to make Tool tapes for Greg, new diskettes to back up all my Shell files, a little worried about the single diskette with the recent entries that never got put online..old disk. Who knows if this disk drive will get fixed, though I suppose I could just remove the hard drive and have it recovered somehow else...not an expert but I'm sure I could just the drive into something else or plug a disk drive direct to the hard drive or have a technician do it or whatever...
Today was the first day of school at HSU. That fact kind of gnawed at me all day, hit home just how decided everything is now. Hope all is well for Greg and Christa and Eric and Liz and ... really isn't anyone else up there I got to know too well. Sure, aquaintescences, classmates, dozens of nameless faces or names I've forgotten, but probably no-one to catch my absence. I suppose it's good in a way, leave little past behind there, move unamrked through the world and my life...put no roots down, nothing to tie me back, or hold me down. Yet. for those very same reasons, also bad...
What joy aimelss wanderer no home few friends?
Haven't seen or spoken with my recruiter for a couple of weeks now. I was planning on dropping by today but forgot.
Brought home a Papa Murphy's Take-'n'-Bake Pizza and Jackie Brown tonight...capped off my day and my mother's nicely. Good movie. beautifull evening, clear sky, warm air. slightest of breezes carrying word around like a lover's carress.
Anna Kareina was on HBO today and I managed to catch most
of it while doing laundry. good movie but I did miss too much to make the
most of it.
Called my cousin in Concord and left a message...no word
back yet. Got an email from Ed that they got back home safe and sound.
Sent his clone of the Tool show out today, as well as my cousin Jennifer's
wedding RSVP back 'regrets', the date is two days after I ship for BCT,
which actually works out good since I didn't really *want* to go but would
feel a putz just 'electing" not to go...the two of us weren't on bad terms,
we simply weren't on terms period. Even when I was younger and actually
saw her once in a while, we never were friendly. She didn't really seem
to want to be friendly, so I reciprocated the favor after a few years of
trying to "bridge the gap". Que sera sera.
This is actually my second cigar today. Last night on the way home I realized I really wanted one...just after I missed the highway exit for the local cigar "emporium"...so I flipped a coin and it told me to go back and get a couple...I never even took it out once I got home, got caught up in other things and too tired...Had the Hugo with my late mornng coffee. Now this one is just about toast...
I have begun to fall into that same olf habit so many of us face today...not replying to emails even though I want too, feel I Need to even. Got an email from Jen F. the other day, who herself isn't online much anymore she wrote. she classified me "God of DAT's" in her "full-name" bit of her address book. Hehe.
And the cigar bites the dirt, really truly and 100% factually, but the 2nd slag beer is yet to be downed. Lordy what am I coming to, actually drinking Bud Light...sheesh. Every day I grow more and more into my father. When he was this age, he had Mom and Justine...neither of which I'm planning on for many more years. Easier said than done I suppose, for all my moaning about love, dating, and sex, I am only human and who knows I won't turn the corner and fall head over heels for the "one".
11:55PM and there is really nothing more worth writing,
so I suppose I'm done...