Neil Young and Crazy Horse 09.14.96 The Gorge, George,
WA (Raining...)
09.13.98
7:24PM
My apologies to any who have checked often enough to have
been left in suspense over Friday's date...Too tired to write until now...
So I ran home after work to shower and change, came back
to the mall to get her and drive her home. SHe had errands to run so I
got the tickets, _Rounders_ and came back at Ten...We spent the entire
evening talking seems like, even through most of the movie...someone walked
over and actually asked us to be quiet. The movie itself was kinda stale,
but, like I wrote early, all Mat Damon's roles seem the same, so...She
was fussing with her air and finger rubbing her leg the whole time...making
me uneasy--should I try to kiss her now? Her unabashed talk of her sex
life and past boyfriends make me even more uneasy there...She knew I was
leaving soon, did she just want to have sex? I kept repeating to myself,
she came to me, not vice-versa, so there was *something* in me that drew
her eye...We talked about our past, her birth in norway, moving to Antioch,
her old boyfriend in Australia she lived with and almost married, her fascination
with death/dead bodies...after the movie we drove around for abou half
an hour, trying to decided what to do...she pointed out the funeral home
as a place she once wanted to work...a frickin' mortician...that wigged
me out a bit. Her uncle and someone else in her family did that she said...Now
she says she wants to become an EMT...a noble calling in my book.
I figured she was 18 or 19...wrong...17. Why is it only the younger ones seem attracted to me. There was a few moments during the movie that, looking at her, I was reminded of Becca...that kind of tweaked me a bit, but it subsided.
She's got the most perfect skin complexion...she's like an angel with these gorgeous eyes when they're opened wide enough to notice. Cascading short blonde hair, and a tre bit whimsical/devilish smile...
One small strike against her, but easily overlooked...rap music. 2 Pac is her fave..."one look at my room you'd think I was a nigger lover..." She "schooled" me a bit by playing her CD's in the car throughout the night.
After the movie/drive around I took her out to the golf
course to look at the stars a bit...that quickly lost it's appeal though
so we left...she wanted to grab taco bell so...a little bit of food and
we parked in the parking lot about 2AM to eat and talk more...a lot about
people she knew who died, car accidents and such. I didn't really want
to focus on such topics though...smoked a few cigarettes between us. Other
talk on small matters, scars, sex...I admitted I was a virgin and she was
a little surprised...apologized for all her talk..."you must think I'm
a little whore, five guys already". I told her no, no big deal to me...not
her fault I was just a loser throughout high school pretty much...Anyway
I dunno for sure but I think that scared her off a bit perhaps...not even
a single kiss goodnight. For a girl who's talked about sex so much, that
seems a bad sign...but I liked her, I really really liked her...
Since that night, I've seen her a few times at work...talked
with her about another half hour after I got off tonight...wanted to go
out tonight again but she had friends in from oaklahoma she hadn't seen
in a year, so nixed that...too bad I can't really go out again till I get
back from arcata...
Now I have this bad feeling she just wants to be friends. Of course that makes it easier since I'm leaving so soon, but still, every man hates to hear that. A small part of me wishes I wasn't leaving because of this, that I could stay and see where we end up, but it's sad because thats not going to be.
I simply can't believe the timing of the whole matter. If nothing else though, at least I know I *can* be attractive to *someone*. That by itself is a heartwarming and comforting thought to me...
I took her home around 3:30AM saturday morning...got home and slept until 10 cuz I hadda go to work at 11. That shift sucked...haven't gotten to the point where the lack of sleep killed me, but I wondered if it would have been easier to get through it five years ago...I got off at 8PM, came home, went next door to make an appearance at the neighbors surprise 25th aniversay party thrown by the daughter, came home and went to sleep at 9PM. got out of bed at 10 today refreshed and ready to go...
I was thinking of paging Derick and hooking up with him
tonight, but I'm not so sure. Kind of want to just stay home and relax
a bit.