The role of the video game tool probably was first introduced to the mainstream by that Mavris lady trying to teach snot nosed punks to type things like "xray xylophone rhinocerous armada" at least at the pace of 32 wpm! Later the Army got in on the deal with their online shooting and brainwashing machine called "It's Not A Murder Simulator If Your Shooting The Bad People". It proved moderately more popular than Ms. Mavris, at least until Unreal Tournament: Mavris Typing Edition comes out next fall.

The latest entry into the fray is perhaps the finest example of all. Planet Prostate. Say it again just to make sure you can fully realize it's glorious might. Funded by some prostate fetish people somewhere, it teaches players the wonders of the prostate and how to ensure you have maximum potentcy. Prostate Planet puts you in control of the greatest spokesman since Joe Isuzu, that little bundle of lovable joy known as Sammy Sperm.

Your first greeted by Sammy doing his eery, harmonic wiggling as the mind blasting shockwave player prepares your PC for it's first descent into the glorious Planet Prostate. After a brief rundown of what the hell is going on you begin the first of five treachorous stages.

Stage 1 is the terrifying Arousal Nebula. For the sperms to do their thing they gotta be turned on and that means dodging the bad things like alcohol, video games and tv. Sperms have it rough. No prob for Sammy. The little bastard manuevers like a Formula-1 car so hitting the "arousers" is no thing. All the while another Sammy on the top of the screen gives you your "boner status" measurements with his phallic little guage thing. He even throws out some erotic one liners like ... I forgot, but they made me feel uncomfortable, none the less.

After getting the wood sported Sammy is off in Stage 2 (Twin Planet Testes) to gather up his little sperm buddies for their big day. Their all slacking off taking naps so Sammy has to wake their lazy asses up and get them to join his ever growing congo line of sperms. Sammy is quite the leader, again throwing out tantilizing one-liners to get his sperm friends total psyched!

Stage 3 (Vas Defrens Wormtunnel) sees Sammy leading his love train of sperms through the harrowingly claustraphobic confines of the Vas Defrens. The trick here is that spermies can't get too hot or they kick the bucket. Sammy, again showing his leadership skills, leads the little future bastard step-children past the mix of hot and cold spots to keep them at a constant tempature. Pheww, I hope the little guy gets hazard pay.

Once through the Vas Defrens Sammy and his buddies head to their favorite watering hole, Stage 4 (Planet Seminal Vesicle). Here Sammy is on his own to gather up enough of the squeeze juice to keep him and friends tied over on their upcoming trip. Sammy has to work fast because apparently Sammy's house keeper is a two pump chump. No prob though, again Sammy can corner like a cat with velcro feet!

After all that, Sammy still isn't done. He's got one last mission in Stage 5 (Planet Prostate). Here Sammy Sperm has to get his friends coated up in their traveling gear jizm and herded into the transport. The sperm buddies are back in their congo line, following the never tiring Sammy as he hooks them up. Again, time isn't on your side as Sammy only has 60 seconds to get the deed done, but he prevails. Once completed everyone loads in for the blast off of the USS Ejaculation!!

After getting over the whole disturbing context of this game it's actually kind of fun. It's pretty much impossible to lose so your real goal is getting a good score. Mine was a middle of the road 191,225, and took about 20 min total to beat the game. The educational value is pretty much stuff you already know from any high school health class if you payed even one iota of attention, but I never really gave it much thought. Now when I do think about it now I get disturbing images of smiling sperms speeding around in my genitals, and can't really say I'm thankful for that ... but it does raise awareness that members of the male species have a prostate.