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So you wanna be a rock n' roll star then listen now to what I say just get an electric guitar and and take some time and learn how to play....... simple.......... So why not explore more rancid Americana...am fascinated with Tim Tuttle (McVeigh) and the transvestite bandits that roamed the mid-west dressed as cartoon figures as they robbed any bank that they came across and the need for a worrying number of white aryans to disrupt the federal government in order to deflect the New World Order from their dastardly plots to subjugate (looks liked it's spelt wrong but it's kosher) us all and do what?? The planet is already consumed by the rapid spread of multi-national globalisation (now even Jif has changed it's name to Cif to placate the Company!!! ). Look, I know that Koresh was wrongly accused of being a rapist and child molester but why did they need all those guns?? let's head out in the bush for a turkey shoot...hey what do we need David?? let's take some grenade launchers and some AK 47's and if they don't work try the rocket launchers!! but did they really deserve to die in a fireball manufactured by the FBI, DEA and the AFT?? I think not but then again why blow up the Murrah??.....it's like the tit for tat killings in Israel/Palestine..it's just getting out of hand and must admit to strongly siding with Yasser and his boys......now we find 3,000 pieces of evidence that the feds have kept hidden until 5 days before he fries!!! hold the syringe fellas, there may be more than one we need to inject or even two cause that bozo never zapped the Murrah on his own...ask the fella's in Elohim City, Mark Hamm and Carol Howe.........ask Randy Weaver.. Hey Mr Spaceman won't you please take me along I won't do anything wrong Hey Mr Spaceman wont you please take me along..... for a ride............ Now for all of you folks that are only vaguely aware that there is an election campaign happening in the good old UK you may have missed our very own and a local MP for Hull the Deputy Prime Minister ( the one and only John 'Two jabs' Prescott) having an egg thrown at him from 3 feet and spinning round to land a tasty left jab at some fuckin moron in a check shirt sporting a seventies hairstyle ( a mullet) and being 33 years younger than our sad politico.....fantastic stuff...wish someone would take a pop at the slap-head (apologies to any baldies out there) William Vague... supposed to be a black belt at origami..let's see how quick he gets his shoes off then.... still nearly three weeks to polling and am honestly shagged out by it all allready...thank god the test match has started and we get get away from all the bullshit by having a laugh at the paki's fielding.....oops another overthrow from Inzamam and 5 more runs to the night-watchman............ On a more personal cricketing front................havn't heard much from Juddy recently...maybe he's exploded like a fat lump of haggis and drowned in a vat of glenfiddich.....Juddy in a kilt? Cleethorpes have got Matthew Sinclair the New Zealand batsman playing for them in the Yorkshire League and he's being payed a standard amount then extra depending on the amount of runs he scores....well....the first bank-holiday weekend he scored 200 in his opening league match on the saturday, 100 the next day in a cup comp then another 100 on the monday...last saturday with yours truly present he got 199 not out vs Sheff Collegiate and they lost!! god knows what he has got today?? The aussies among you will be glad to hear that Michael Di Venuto managed to hit his maiden ton for Derbyshire today 108 and seems to be having a better season this year also the young Marsh is also doing well....did he play for tassie?? well me and Burnsy are going to derby next friday to watch England vs Mexico at pride park and I see that Derbyshire have a home championship game on the same day so may pop to the county ground to see Mr Di Venuto and formally greet him to these shores in the only way that I can.........hello you aussie bastard !!! please lend me some money in order that I may purchase a bar of the finest soap.. oh yeah...and do you have any photos of juddy in a compromising positon with an alsatian....let's get rid of the pakis and bring on the aussies...bloody hussain has gone and bust his thumb today and will be out for another 3-4 weeks...Slater is one of the commentators for Channel 4 these days...is he in the squad....how's married life scooter?? How's the nipper Roo?? got tickets for the England game Wouldy?? Still Big in japan R-G?? coming to Cambridge Jazzer?? Met any friendly red-necks or classy trailer-trash yet Johnboy?? So where is Alaves??who cares as we won't hear from them anymore, every dog has it's day i guess and there's was a good one but just not goooood enough i suppose. I would do anything for you I would climb mountains I would swim all the ocean floor I would walk a thousand miles, revealing secrets more than enough to share I would put roses round our door, sit in the garden growing potatoes by the score If music be the food of life (love) play on.... Now why would I recommend any music to you bunch of musical philistines?? managed to get hold of tickets to see Neil Young at Sheffiled Arena in June 9th and the following week the Eagles play there...not that fussed by them these days but may decide to go anyway...got hold of an original Byrds album the other day..from 1970 called Untitled its the biz and you also get a free CD with unreleased material on it as well, listening to Roxy Music tonite and they are on the road soon too.....ok so it's all old stuff but where are the new bands?? it's all bleedin Rap, House, Techno and Pop these days..thats why we are going to the Cambridge Folk Festival this year to see such musical luminaries as Sharon Shannon and the Wood choppers (honest) the Peatbog Faeries, Suzanna Vega, Bill Wymans Rythmn Kings, the Levellers and The Bush The Tree and Me.............U2 are touring later in the year and so are UB40....more old stuff eh?? ok try the Alabama 3 then smartarse.......... Ok who thinks they should let Ronnie Biggs go free???? rob a train...get a prison sentence..escape...go to brazil..live (sit on your fat arse) for 30 years of your notoriety.....declare that you want to die in Rio and have your ashes scattered on the Copa....have a stroke (too many cheap ciggies)..run out of money and can't afford decent healthcare in brazil...change mind and declare your undying love for 'home' and get the gutter press to finance your return in a private jet.....sorry Ronnie..rot in your cell mate. Ronnie Biggs was doin time till he done a bunk now he says he's seen the light he's sold his soul to punk........ Ok folks it's time to head for the kitchen, get a cuppa on the go (no alcohol as working this weekend) and sit down to watch the big hunk Audley have a bash at being a pro-boxer..live on the Beeb to boot...then watch the last Match of the Day on the BBC, sorry Gunny but Liverpool pipped you to the last Champions League spot by stuffin Charlton 4-0 at the Valley, hit the sack and get up at 0700 to hit those old folks with their Insulin, do some wound dressings, give some eye-drops and tend to a chap with MS and an old geezer dying of Lung Cancer...for any smokers out there take my expert advice and give up NOW...have the odd blow of skunk by all means but leave those packets of 20 where they can do no harm, in the bloody shop mate !!!!! Well it's been nice of you all to sit there and read this rambling, my hearty thanks go out to you all, the lyrics are courtesy of the Byrds, Roxy Music and the Sex Pistols, inspiration comes from some wonderful weed supplied by a good honest dealer (not a multi-national company out to rip us off), the good weather comes courtesy of the Allmighty, Buddha, Krishna, Ganesh and the everlasting memory of Perry Como (who else). Hoping that there is a spark now ignited in you all and those lazy fingers are once again thrust into action on the keyboard of you PC. Love and peace to you all Glennie Fat bastard Inzy...stuff it up yer Karachi's........ Bring on the aussies Love to you all Glennie Kyoto???shove it up yer dakota's and lets wind the ruskies up again eh..why stop with them lets freak out the chinks too and use the good old Brits as a pawn in the game once more...bring back the good old days of Thatcher and Reagan...weren't they such fun with the world at loggerheads and two maniacs in charge?? Well at least we won't be getting the arch duke of changing tack, the man who can say anything to convince us he is a nice guy but we really know he's a twat Portillo!! and that leaves a wrinkly saddo who works for the tobacco industry and a Billy Hague mark 2 lookalike....have they any idea what they need to do to win...sadly or rather happily they do not...what a bunch of loosers. So where are you all and how come you are all on a collective holiday of 6 months in the outback?? not heard a peep from Peb's a grumble from grundy a wimper from Wouldy or a mumble from Martineau...have you all had finger amputations? has dementia finally taken hold?? (I knew it would) are you too busy taking your pills and monitoring your insulin dependent diabetes?? whats the deal?? come out of your collective closets and drop the old fella a line...have had yet another birthday since we all corresponded and yes so have some of you lot and if I havn't sent the card then I havn't got one either...Fourtyfuckineight allready and the daysmonthsyears continue to fly past with the frequency of UK summer thunderstorms.... Good morning it's eight o'clock on saturday the 21st of July and the g-8 summit is in full swing with deaths of anti-capitalist protestors and great lunches for the boys, lots of free pens and a baseball hat each if you sign the dotted line...anyone ever been to genoa?? instead lets go to that other Hot spot Bonn and do some deals and more great lunches to combat global lunching......more violence in brixton after the cops shot a bloke who had a gun (well it wasn't a gun but a cigarette lighter shaped like a gun, well they could have got burned???).......more deaths in Palestine..shock horror..and the beat goes on while Lord Archer of Bullshit (where's my diary) gets out after 2 days in jail to attend his old ma's funeral and probably a really good lunch... Happy go lucky Monty leads the open...sorry but not interested at all and not seen a shot yet...we have kick-off at Lords in 3 hours with the aussies looking like another victory is on the way and after a wonderful innings by Mark Waugh yesterday..and believe me it was only after a wonderful lunch (and tea) that he really got going....they are just too good for us I guess...in every departmant.... On a more positive front I have to report that Dylans eye's are improving by the day...his right eye was a bit lacking in its ability to see further than a metre but over the last 2 weeks we have had to have the little fella wearing a patch on his left eye with the result that he can now see up to 6 metres with the gammy eye!! will probably have to wear glasses but better than a glass eye eh?? to all you parents out there I now fully understand the joy of fatherhood and am enjoying every minute and hoping the big white stork will send us another soon..isn't that what happens.......?? Now a request.......anyone fancy 2 weeks in India?? have this week booked a flight to Delhi on 28th of November (come on Robert give JAL a call) with Kuwait airlines (we fly over Baghdad and moon to Saddam) and arrive in Delhi friday 29th...after a day or so will head up to Chandigarh for the first test at Mohali from the monday to friday....then head down to Varanasi for some rest and religion before heading up to Kanpur for the second test...will only get 2-3 days of that one as have to fly back on friday the 14th as Kuwait Air don't fly back on a saturday..only got one plane?? so come on fella's have a word with the missus and get the pennies together for a guided tour round the Punjab and Uttar Pradesh with yours truly...the flight has cost £430 which is pretty good and it's the cheapest place on earth to visit!! great lunches !!! what a wonderful country and 2 weeks away in december watching cricket in the sun...I feel a major orgasm coming along..... Did you know that in the USA their are 7 states that will not allow casino's to be built on land..they have to be on water..rivers etc..Mississippi riverboat gamblig eh..it all makes sense...and that in some states you are not allowed to fill your own car up with gasoline and the attendant has to do it for you??? in some states it is also illegal to shoot your neighbour in the head if he lets leaves from his tree fall on your highly manicured lawn?? you are however allowed to shoot anyone you like who happens to question your democratic right to own an AK 47.... So I have to admit that finally managed to persuade the loved one that we should subscribe to the dirty diggers satellite and have SKY installed forthwith..mainly due to the fact that my fave TV prog of alltime (The West Wing) which was on Channel 4 was moved onto a satellite channel E4....so we go for the full package...films wall to wall...plenty of sport (live coverage of the Tour de France that Channel 4 decided not to show this year and Lance is hitting the Pyrennes like an exocet) lots of crap (Changing Rooms New Zealand) and planty of Big Brother live...had a look at that a few minutes ago and they are all still in bed fast asleep...rivetting stuff that......I have a sneeking feeling Helen will win..well the whacky welsh lass gets my vote anyday..Brian too much of a woozer, Elisabeth to cold and calculating (but does good lunches) and Dean far too sure of himself for comfort (and he has a Brummie accent) Some wierd things going on in the world...Tories starting to campaign for the legalisation of Jah Weed???? do me a favour.....China getting the Olympics??? staggering............wonder if they will allow a team in from Tibet?? does Tibet even exist anymore??? Taiwan to send a pole-vault team?? new events like synchronised executions and tossing the hand grenade........bet they win the ping-pong......we could have the next world cup hosted by the Taliban?? Sorry for all you Footy-phobes but the new season is almost upon us and a few more obscene transfers may yet happen before the big kick-off...Keegan at Man City wondering if his players can face the Grimsby Factor?? wet december by the Humber I guess is what he means.....Veron at Old Trafford for 28 million???? and we all thought Van Nistelroy cost a lot.......Grimsby are splashing out the Lira as usual..managing to sell more than we buy..affraid that we may be watching the bottom half of the table more closely that the top....again..... anyway its now 0900....the sun has got his hat on....Dylan is on my knee awaiting food and time for another resolve to counter the excess cyder consumed last night.....Niel Young at Sheffield was a really magical experience and worth every penny..amazing stamina of performance......we are going to Cambridge on thursday for the annual Folk (not too folky though) Festival..meeting Briggy and Mary there and looking forward to Bill Wymans Rythmn Kings, Sharon Shannon and the Woodchoppers, the Peatbog Faeries, North Mississippi Allstars, Black Umfolosi etc etc etc......hope the rain eases off and we don't have to spend much time in the infamous Guinness tent. Try www.thesmokinggun.com interesting FBI files and concert riders of the rich and famous..Pavarotti is a jerk if we didn't know allready Lots of love to you all Hope the operation went well and you now have to use of your collective brains again Think positive and keep a clean nose watch for plain clothes you dont need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows Glennie
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