Happy New Year!

Another year has come and gone and I have no emotions about it whatsoever. It didn't feel like Christmas at all this year. Sure, we even (almost) had a white Christmas this year - something that I've been wanting for a long time. Sure, I decided to ignore the money concerns and get everyone the gifts I had planned. Sure, the boss gave me two weeks off during the holidays. It still didn't feel like Christmas. It felt like some (un)deserved downtime and I was grateful for it. I was glad to see my immediate family. I was glad to see that my little bro is finally in a relationship where he brings the girl home for Christmas. I was glad for 1000 little things but nothing brought me the Christmas feeling I usually get in December. No serenity, no goodwill towards others - just a row of lukewarm feelings towards everything.

The New Year's Eve wasn't a whole lot different in that respect. I just didn't feel it. Of course, we had been planning for months and changed the plans a hundred times finally ending up in Tartu. It was great to see the people I hadn't seen for a long time (Sally and Ricardo and Bryan and Rogelio and Chris and Mary and a lot of other people) but it didn't feel like the end or the beginning of anything. Just another great party.

So, in order to make myself believe the beginning of 2004, I am going to write down my resolutions. I've never made any resolutions before but it should be done this year. [Note: Ellie just brought to my attention the fact that I actually have made resolutions before. Online! Last year! So ignore the previous sentence or be convinced that I have EXTREMELY bad memory] To mark the fact that I can't live like a student anymore. To mark the fact that, for most of the world, I'm a grown-up so I should be acting like one. To reduce the feeling of disconnectedness with the real world - I need to get back into the game, whichever game it may be.

Kristi's resolutions for 2004:

• Lose weight, eat better, exercise more (Let's face it, I'm a woman, I'd be a bad female if these resolutions weren't here)
• Get a handle on my financial affairs (It's shameful how neglected my own money matters are. Most unbecoming in an accountant)
• Do something about the Hellhole (I procrastinate something awful when it comes to the flat. Everything that can be done cheap, must be done!)
• Update the journal more often (I need to know what has been going on in my life. I need the discipline of a public journal. Update! Update! Update!)
• Read more, and especially more new stuff (I have a tendency to read books over and over and over again. This year I plan to expand my horizons instead.)
• Drink less coffee at Wayne's (My espresso machine at home is capable of making the same kind of latte they have. Why pay extra?)
• Get out more (My life has been concentrated on my computer way too much. As soon as I finish my extra accounting assignments I vow not to use my home computer for hours every night. There's a lot of other stuff to be done in the world)
• [added a few days later] I shall stop being drawn into pseudo-philosophical arguments which can have no reasonable outcome (I'll probably add an entry explaining this one later but for now it really is one weakness I'd like to be rid of. I can't resist arguments - a.k.a debates, though the methods used bear very little similarity to debating - and get drawn into them frequently. I hate that because it doesn't make me feel good to argue the merits of my point of view. It always evolves into something involving mean comments on both/every sides and I always feel bad the next day. I resolve to state my opinion and be done with it!)

As resolutions go these are probably pretty lame, no sexual promiscuity, no promises of adventures... but these are the ones I want to keep because they'd simplify my life and, hopefully, end my worrying about money, the declining condition of my eyesight etc. Fingers crossed!

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