Welcome to my Quotes page!

As you can tell, I say a lot of profound things...
Gum is the devil

They can't seem to make milk cartons that open properly here.
Cellophane tape (i.e. "Scotch tape") is appallingly bad here (gooey and yellow).
~Greg Sandell
On living in the U.K.

I think fag hag is a state of mind.
~Brian Adkins

So lately as I've taken showers, I keep soaping up all over and washing,
then getting out of the tub and drying off, and as I go to put my deodorant on,
I realize I've forgotten to rinse my right armpit. Always the right armpit.
Almost daily.
~Brian Adkins

I'm not a hacker. I'm a Social Engineer.
~Melissa Romine

I just need the Keebler Elf to come do some filing for me...
~Melissa Romine

It seems to me that most people consider their lives to be pretty shitty,
until they meet someone whose life really is shitty, and they bounce back from the edge of whatever
abyss of self pity upon which they were teetering.
~Brian Adkins

I'm not a hacker. I'm a Social Engineer.
~Melissa Romine

Melissa makes you want to bang your head.
~Sekeya Jenay Stewart

I think that PFR and FFH should get together,
because then they'd be PFFFRH.
~Larry the Cucumber

I cut out a picture of Jesus on the cross and taped it to the inside of my underwear for protection --
because if I was saving myself for Jesus, I knew I'd better get him there fast.
~Ninah Huff
The Rapture of Canaan

To be made complete we must give up the desire to control and consume.
~Steve Swanson

Just as there are many differences within the broad category of cheese:
American, Swiss and Provolone; there are also vast differences amongst women: African American, Caucasion and Latina...
No two people are alike, which makes this world flavorful with all of its diversity.
~Anonymous WS210 student #1

Why would I burn my bra when I can just burn his underwear?
~Anonymous WS210 student #2

You go to Russia, they don't have Tang. Look what happened to them...
~Chris Isaak

Did you see that Plankton? I was a regular Alpha Male!
~Spongebob Sqarepants

Was Mirror Lake a natural phenomenon or did someone do that?
Because if they did, they probably shouldn't have.
~Melissa Romine

If all you see is how I look you miss the superchick within and
I christen you Titanic - Underestimate and swim.
~Superchick

It makes me happy...
~Melissa Romine

If you want a guarantee, buy a toaster.
~Clint Eastwood

I think that if God had wanted us to vote
He would have given us candidates.
~Jay Leno

It just doesn't get any better than cute, old, Canadian men playing brass instruments.
~Melissa Romine

Well, that's the pot calling that kettle fat!
~Camryn Manheim

If clouds are full of water, they pour rain upon the earth.
Whether a tree falls to the south or to the north,
in the place where it falls, there it will lie.
~Ecclesiastes 11:3

Sure we can afford a new school, but we have
duct tape on our gong mallet.
~anonymous Madison High School student

Too many women grow up believing that the inconsolable ache in her heart is for "a man."
To love a man, get married, and then have children is thought to be the only script that will
satisfy her heart's deepest longing. But no man, woman, or child can
appease this longing; it can only be satisfied by the ultimate Bridegroom, Christ Jesus."
~Debby Jones & Jackie Kendall,
Lady in Waiting

To be credible about being harassed, in any case,
a woman must look harassable, which destroys her credibility.
~Naomi Wolf

Don't smile until Christmas.
~Mr. Sam Reynolds

If women are supposed to be less rational and more emotional
at the beginning of our menstrual cycle when the female hormone is at its lowest level, then why isn't it logical to say that,
in those few days, women behave the most like the way men do all month long?
~Gloria Steinem

Remember Munich, Shamu?
~Amanda Sikora

When I was in the Order, people used to ask me whether I had celibacy and poverty.
I told them that I did, but they were just passing phases in my life and not vows.
~Andrew Hill

If your best friend is a puppy, and your pet is a booger,
you're keeping pretty good company.
~Earthworm Jim
A groovy Guy

If you get caught, tell them you went to OU.
~Mr. Sam Reynolds

Grow little web page, grow!
~Erin Core

I was just thinking about green Jell-O..."
~Tommy Pickles

As long as people will accept crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.
~Dick Cavett

Did you know that the Chinese use the same word for crisis and for opportunity?
~Lisa Simpson

Bacon: Who's idea was that?
~Melissa Romine

If I were a guy, I'd like her.
~Mikey Baumert

Fools aren't born. Pretty girls make them in their spare time.
~That guy in the real people version of "101 Dalmations"

Some geniuses are quiet, or evil doctors, I am just clumsey.
~Erin Core

Hey, let's BASTARDIZE some good music!
~Kara Barbee

I understand that things are uncertain, but you can't be scared. Never be scared.
If God didn't have a plan we'd all be in a whole lot more trouble than we can imagine. But we know there is a plan.
That's what we base our whole lives on. Don't wait for something to happen to praise God for,
praise Him anyway that He's led you where He has, and that His plan is forthcoming.
Life goes on, it always goes on. And when it stops going on, you're home anyway, so all the more joy, eh?
~Brian Adkins

Nobody puts Baby in a corner.
~Johnny Castle

You got a jellyfish on your head.
~Melissa Romine

Yeah, I know where you can stick your "O-H".
~Erin Core

I feel better than a nice tub of good things!
~Freakazoid

Goat: the other white meat.
~J9 Driscoll

Diamonds are forever but the pawn shops are full of them.
~Ashley Abbott

If I were any dumber, I'd be a genius.
~Melissa Romine

My Beauty is my curse.
~Miss Piggy

Yeah, I got your Beau Soir right here.
~Melissa Romine

If God had meant for us to use the metric system,
Jesus would have had 10 Disciples
~Don't know

Kent, why don't you like me?
~My plant, Samson

You use vegetables in salads, you use them as side dishes,
you might occasionally use one as an aesthetically pleasing garnish,
but you never put vegetables on television!
It is simply not done.
~Archibald Asparagus