Once upon a time there was a young man named Jake who had no bum. I don't know if he enjoyed his life -- how did he sit down? -- but he was very annoying. He also had the ability to suddenly appear in front of you. But he didn't have a bum.

One day I wondered how Jake could poop without a bum. Then I decided that he was so full of shit he wouldn't need one. It would just ooze out of him, slick and wet, and he would leave a trail of it wherever he went. Sometimes he would just appear in front of someone and the stuff would flow out of him unbidden. The person he was talking to would scream and run or try to stuff toilet paper in his mouth or put a diaper on his face, and they would hold their nose because of the stench. Jake never seemed to mind the smell because, after all, one gets used to the smell of one's own shit, doesn't one?

Jake never thought anything about his problem -- he thought it was as normal as putting ketchup on his eggs. But we all knew he was possessed by Satan.