| Episode Three |
| "I'm Dr. Nigel Dick," Dr. Dick introduced himself. Kevin and Kristin shook his hand and they sat down across from him. "Nice to meet you," Kevin said. "What can I do for you?" asked Dr. Dick. "We're here for a ... pregnancy test," Kristin replied, "Please help me." Dr. Dick lifted his eyebrows in question, " So, you two have had sex?" Kevin frowned, "No diggity." "We'll see what we can do." *** Billy was out for a stroll that day on the long... black.... road when he saw Eva get out of a taxi. "That girl is wierd," he though out loud. He watched as Eva paid the taxi driver and head for her penthouse. Suddenly, he saw something flutter from her purse. Billy decided, that even though she was wierd, he should return her thing. As Eva hurried to her house with short, quick steps wrapping a coat tightly around her small Hawaiin frame, Billy called after her. "Eva! Wait!" but and he called she just began to run towards her door. Billy shook his head and sighed, and picked up her thing and took off after her. He chased Eva all the way to her room, because now he was just curious about why she was so paranoid. Just as Eva began to close her door, Billy stuck out his foot and prevented it from closing. "Eva, wait," Billy said, out of breath, "You dropped this. That's all." Eva turned slowly and looked at what Billy had in his hand. It was her list of things needed to become Kathryne. "Thank you," she said quietly and took it from him. In her surprise, Eva let herself slip and accidently let the door go. It swung open softly. Billy looked up and gasped at what he saw. It was a small room, and dark, with two windows covered by sheets. The sheets had big Howard faces printed on them. All around the room were photographs and paintings of Billy's pal Howard D.... and it was scary for him. Over in a corner, Billy saw a photograph of Kathryne with a red X over it, and beside, a computer digitally made photograph of Eva, except with Kathryne's hair and eyecolor and skin tone. "Do you like Howard?" Billy ventured. "No," replied Eva quietly, and somehow he could sense that she was lying. "Look," Billy said, stepping inside and closing the door behind him. Eva, surprised with his action, gasped and backed away from him into the safety of her Howard faces. "I can help you," continued Billy, "You want Howard... I want Kathryne. Together...we can break them up." Eva lifted her eyes shyly and smiled. "It could work," she said evilly. "But we have to sign a deal. And you have to promise you won't steal Howard from me!" *** Howard stepped into his home where Kathryne was watching a lame soap opera. "Kathryne," he said gravely, "I'm going to confront you, ok?" Kathryne's eyes widened, "OK." "Mandy was jogging along the long, black road last night, and do YOU KNOW WHAT SHE SAW??" "No," said Kathryne bluntly. "No?!?!" exclaimed Howard. "No." replied Kathryne. "NO?!?! Are you telling me NO?!?!" "Yes." This continued on for several hours until Howard finally said, "Well, I'll tell you... She saw .... you and Billy having sex on the front porch!!!" Kathyrne gasped, "What?!" "OK, so you were just kissing, but I caught you didn't I!!" "Howard. You sit on your porch, You play the guitar, Somebody SHOVES THEIR TONGUE UP YOUR THROAT! It's NOT something you plan for!!" "Are you having an.... affair?!" "No!" "No?!" "NO!" "I have trouble believing you!" "Well that's the whole problem! *** Meanwhile, at Twin Fountain Apartmeants on the long black road, Alexander and Lorelei were also in the midst of a confrontation. "Lorelei," said Alexander, pausing from practicing his new humping techniques. Lorelei was in the kitchen preparing Easy MacTM. "Yes?" she called. He walked into the doorway sexily. "I've noticed you've been getting kind of BUDDY-BUDDY with Brian lately. You often have to give him.... things for no apparent reason whatsoever." Lorelei froze in terror. "It's a LIE!" "I have trouble believing you." Alexander sauntered out of the room sexily. *** Later on that day, Kathryne and Alexander met at the Bog Bar to comfort each other. They each had a shiny shot glass. "You know what?" Alexander declared, "Something occured to me today." "What's that?" "No one is really a virgin. Life screws us all." "That's deep," replied Kathryne. "Do you think Lorelei is having an affair?!?!" wailed Alexander uncontrollably. "It might have been like what happened between Billy and I. Why doesn't Howard BELIEVE me?!?!" "Why can't women stay faithful?!?!" exclaimed Alexander. They day wore on and Alexander continued to drink more and more until he was in a stupor. Kathryne watched. When Alexander had passed out on the floor, much like the time with Nickolas, Kathryne frowned. "I'm suspicious," she stated. Willy, the bartender, was cleaning up their drinks and he looked at her strangely. "You too?!?!" he said bewilderdly. "I think Alexander has a problem." *** Mandy was sitting on her couch reading a magazine when Zachary, who it gay, snuck through her front door and looked at her. "Mandy," he said, "My lawyer wouldn't let me sue you, but I'm warning you. One more incident like that and you're going down. Got that clear?" Manyd looked up from her magazine obliviously. "I'm sorry, did you say something?" she said pleasantly. Zachary roared. " I really dont like you! What does Nick see in that girl when he could have me?" he muttered to himself as he left the house. *** Ring....Ring... Kristin dashed to the phone as soon as it rang. Dash...Dash.. "Hello?" she inquired anxiously. "Dr. Dick here," said the voice. Kevin sauntered into the room where Kristin was on the phone and looked at her steadily. "It's about to happen," she declared daramtically, taking his hand. "Brace yourself." "Mrs. Richardson...Mr.....Richardson...Kristen....Kevin...Train......Krissy..." "GET ON WITH IT ALREADY!" hollered Kristen, then smiled sweetly at Kevin's bewildered face. "After we established that you two had, in fact, had sexual relations, we took appropriate tests to see what was happening. We have reached the conclusion that your oven is bun-less." Kristen squealed and began jumping up and down screaming"Thank you Dick! Oh Dick thank you so much!" and dropped the phone to give Kevin a relieved hug. *** At the same time, Nickolas was walking four out of his twelve pugs down the long, black road. Lorelei was watering Zachary's (gay) flowers when she saw a very sexy man walk by. "Damn," she though to herself. "What a steamy studmuffin." Then, Lorelei realized it was Nickolas. Unable to control herself, Lorelei called teasingly "Yoo hoo... Nicky-poo... I'm having trouble watering these plants... could you come help me?" She batted her eyes inncoently at him. "Sure," shrugged Nickolas, dropping his leashes cheerfully as his pugs began to run rabidly around the neighborhood. He walked over with a flabbergastingly sexy walk. Nickolas watered her plants and then Lorelei insisted on inviting him inside for a drumstick (chicken) and to wacth some Southpark on TV. As he watched his favortie show and got into it, Lorelei found herself unable to take it any longer. "Nickolas," she warned him, "I'm going to come onto you." Lorelei then came on to him. Lorelei stopped herself midway with a frozen, bewildered Nickloas before her. "I have a problem!!" she discovered. *** In a dark room, midst of insence and bongos, sat Howard and Obie, and, oblivious to everyone else's problems, they talked and chilled. *** Mandy sat still reading her magazine when out of the window, she noticed Nickolas's pugs running wild. "Oh my God!" she exclaimed. "WHO LET THE DAWGS OUT?!" |
| *The Wack Firm Saga* |