| *THE WACK FIRM SAGA* |
| EPISODE FOUR |
| Nickolas and Kathryne were sitting at the lovely bog bar having a few drinks and toasting to their health. Willy the Bartender is there, and he looks at them... strangely. "You know, the last time I was here...." mused Kathryne, "AJ got pretty damn hammered." "You don't say?!" exclaimed Nickolas, "He got pretty damn hammered when we were here too!" "I'm suspicious," said Kathryne in a James Bond kind of way. "I'm pretty damn suspicious myself," said Nickolas, narrowing his eyes. "Hell, I'm suspicious too," said Willie the Bartender. Kathryne and Nickolas look at him for a moment then ignore him. "I think AJ might have a problem," announces Kathryne. "An alcohol problem," embelishes Nickolas. *** Zachary, who is gay, rushed in Lance Bass's room excitedly, "Guess what!" he squealed. "There's a gay right's parade coming through town!" "Oh, goody!" chirped Lance, clapping his hands in joy. "And look, I have just the thing for the occasion!" From under his frilly pink bed he pulled two frilly pink signs: one that said, "It's okay to be gay!" and another which read, "Gay and Proud." Lance paused for a moment to fix his bush of hair in the mirror before him and Zachary skipped down the street to march in the gay-rights parade. There, they stumbled onto Joseph Kahn with his own creative sign: "The Pimp Wolf is too- why aren't you? BE GAY" "Oh Joseph!" cried Zachary, who is gay, happily, "I didn't know you were one of us!" "Well, I just recently came out," Joseph said shyly, showing them his new rainbow-colored belt and socks proudly. Lance batted his eyebrows at Joseph, admiring his belt. Then, the three of them linked arms and began to frollick down the road with the huge crowd chanting: "The rainbow's our sign We're on the rise We're human too We just like guys! Now is our time Now is our day Let's get with it And all be gay!" The Village People were blaring throughout the streets as the group marched through Lush Grove. They were all pretty damn hammered. *** Eva put in her green-colored contacts and patted her newly dyed French-Vanilla colored hair. She looked in the mirror, satisfied with the Kathryne look-a-like that was smirking back at her. "Move over, Kathryne Perrish," Eva said smugly,"It's time for Evathryne to come in!!" *** Billy meanwhile was carrying out his part of the plan. He confronted Howard, trying to get him to hate Kathryne and turn his back on her. "Kathryne has sex with monkies." "Did you know that Kathryne is a closet speed freak?" "Kathryne got pretty damn hammered last weekend and cheated on you!" "Kathryne got out of the mental institution only two years ago.." "Kathryne's like a squirrel, she'll eat your nuts!" Howard was shocked. He didn't know to think. *** "Leighanne," said Brian dramatically, "I have to be honest with you. I had a long talk with my priest last night and I have been a bad, bad, pretty damn hammered husband. I mean, Lorelei is sexy, but you are my number one sweetcakes..." "Brian," interrupted Leighanne with puzzlement in her eyes, "What are you trying to say?" "Remember that time in the car when you were suspicious about Lorelei and I?" Leighanne frowned, "Yes?" "I was lying! We had a thing!" Brian wailed. He dropped to his knees and began reciting the "Our Father" frantically. "Oh, poor Brian," said Leighanne sympathetically. *** Mocha waddled into the kitchen. Mandy noticed. Zachary was in the same room recuperating from the parade. "Look at that Zachary - Mocha's getting way chubby." Mandy remarked. Zachary, who is gay, looked up, "Yeah you're right Mandy." Mandy glared at him suddenly. "Hey, none of that. My last name is now my first, middle, and last name. Got a problem with that? Didn't think so. Call me Willa." *** "Lorelei," Brian declared. "Yes Brian?" "I confessed to Leighanne, I talked to my priest, I made a mistake, you and me are over." Lorelei's bottom lip trembled. Brian closed his eyes, "Our Father who art in heaven....." *** Brian left. Lorelei sat down. She underwent a breakdown..... a nervous one. A few minutes late- bang..bang...bang- Obie knocked on the door. When no one answered, he burst through the doors bongos in hand. "Lorelei? AJ?" he called. "I know y'all are 'busy' somewhere but I need some sugar!" Obie glanced over at the couch and saw Lorelei undergoing a breakdown. (An nervous one.) "Lorelei?" He thought out loud, "She's either pretty damn hammered or going through a nervous breakdown!" Lorelei wailed in misery. |