Are you a cannibal?

Introduction

I know we've all been concerned at one time or another that we may be cannibals (well I have anyway). The truth is, it's really hard to tell if we are or not. There's always that one part of your mind that craves human flesh, but how are we to tell these occassional cravings from true cannibalism? By taking my simple ten-qeustion test of course! I made this test so that you can find out if you're a cannibal so you can get the help you need before it's too late.

10 Simple Ways To Tell If You're A Cannibal

Do you find yourself licking your arms and hands because you like the taste?

Do you ever go to a restaurant and order raw steak?

Do you consider chewing your fingernails more than "just a habit?"

Do you look at people and think, "Gee, I wonder what she tastes like..."

Does the anatomy section in your biology textbook make you hungry?

Do you drool involuntarily when a large person walks by?

Do you like the smell of B.O.?

Do you often plan to eat fellow survivors if you're ever in a plane crash on a desolate mountain?

Have you seen the movie Alive more than five times?

When you cut yourself, do you drink your own blood before employing a Band-Aid?

Results

If you answered "yes" to 3 or more questions, there is no need to worry. These mild canniballistic tendencies are completely natural. Cravings like this tend to increase when one is especially hungry, that's also normal. But if you want to be on the safe side, you can just eat a lot.

If you answered "yes" to 5 or more questions, you may want to be a little concerned. This increased cravings are often caused by not eating enough. If you're on any sort of slim-fast diet or whatever, stop now! This ought to help you control you cravings. If this doesn't help, you may need to seek psychiatric counseling.

If you answered "yes" to 7 or more questions, seek help immediately! These frequent cravings are not normal, and can have severe effects. If you have a roommate or share your room with a brother or sister, move out as soon as possible! Living in close proximity with the same person for extended periods of time is not healthy, and you may begin to experience cravings for them. And how would your roommate feel if he/she woke up one morning to find you had chewed off half their leg?!

If you answered "yes" to all 10 questions, you are a cannibal. Accept it. At this stage, there is nothing that can be done to help you. Once a person has acquired a taste for human flesh, it is extremely difficult to cure cannibalism, as it is somewhat of an addiction (like cigarettes). All I can advise you to do is, move to an isolated area - if not for yourself, then for your friends' and family's sake. Also, going "cold turkey" (long periods of time with no human contact) can sometimes help you kick the habit.