Thomas Godfrey's rules for living

1. Never consume any substance that can kill you on the same night.
2. Never smoke while you fall asleep.
3. Never take fashion advice from a bald man.
4. Never fall asleep in a pub or a club.
5. Never check your A to Z in the East End.
6. The only way to approach a morning is from behind.
7. Never trust taxis/motorcyclists.
8. Buses are slow and stupid.
9. You can't read a book, smoke, or enjoy a snack in the shower¹.
10. Never sample other people's meals in restaurants.

¹ It is assumed that there is a simple choice in life between taking baths or showers.

These were recorded in the Rat and Parrot, West Hampstead on 25^th March, 2001.