Room @ The Inn

Room @ The Inn is a frequently changing inspirational message designed to uplift and encourage all that read it. Stop by regularly to re-charge your emotional batteries.


When you are a writer, you are always working on one project or another. The problem is you never seem to finish one before you move on to the next. I guess it's because we get sidetracked by our creativity too easily. That has always been my problem until now. I suppose at some point every successful writer finds a subject that so grabs them that they "can't put it down until it's finished". This is the case with my current project, a book titled "Lost Causes".

The title of the book appears in quotes because it is a statement. The book deals with dysfunctional families and how sometimes we hang on to them even though we know that they are "Lost Causes". Sometimes we become so engrossed in our hope that if we just try a little harder, if we make ourselves just a little bit better, that maybe then, everything will work out fine. But in reality, it is the trying that aids in our destruction. When we begin to compromise who we are to appease someone else, then we have abandoned that which makes us unique; our individuality.

Recently, I met a woman who had tried for years to prove her unconditional love to her husband and win his love in return. She would over-extend herself to him. She was tolerant of his continual demeaning attacks on her. Finally she came to me and asked me what more could she do? The answer was nothing. Sometimes you just have to accept that you can't change a person and no matter how hard you try to prove your love to them, they are not going to change and suddenly embrace you with overwhelming affection. Only God can change them, we can only pray for them.

This is often the most difficult reality to accept because by resigning ourselves to it, we have in essence admitted failure. We have also, however, taken a big step forward towards recovering our own self esteem and self respect. By standing up and saying, "I won't take it anymore", we are taking back control of our lives and not allowing someone else to exhaust our energy any longer.

I read a wonderful article in a recent issue of Focus on the Family magazine by Dr. James Dobson comparing all marriages to that of financial institutions. Throughout our married years, we continuously are making deposits into and debits out of our marriage account. If we continue to make withdrawals from our account without making deposits, we will find that our relationship is bankrupt in a very short period of time. If, however, we continue to make regular deposits into our marriage account, we will find that our relationship thrives and continues to grow stronger and more rewarding.

The same can be said for every relationship in our lives. If you are involved in a relationship that you are continuously making deposits into but the other individual continues to make nothing but withdrawals, then it is time to close the account. Not only will you be left emotionally drained and numb, but you will also find that it affects all your other relationships.

Finding the strength to move on can be the most difficult step in the healing process and one that takes the most motivation. Perhaps it will help to know that sometimes drastic measures facilitate the greatest changes. Often, when an individual is faced with the reality of the least expected action by another person, it stimulates them to change in unexpected ways.

Take my own father for instance. For years, I shared a relationship that was bankrupting me emotionally. Nothing I ever did was any good and he could only find negative things to say about me and my family. Then, one day, I realized that I was as much to blame for the situation as he was. If I wouldn't change my way of thinking from a victim to a victor, then the cycle would never be broken.

I spent days composing a letter to him, sharing all my hurts and disappointments. Opening the door of communication was difficult but if I didn't stand up and defend myself, who would. It was essential that he know that I may not be perfect, but I'm the only daughter he's got and when all others walk away, I would still be there! Our relationship has improved immensely since that day. It's still not perfect, but we're working on it.

In summary, even though your relationship situation may seem hopeless, it never is. If all you can do is walk away, then you've still exited the victor because YOU made the choice to walk away and made the choice that was best for you! Rejoice in knowing that you are the only one who will be held responsible for your happiness and peace of mind. Even though the choices you make today may seem most difficult, they will help to assure that never again will you be caught bankrupt!

(This has been an excerpt from "Lost Causes" by S. Pelton)

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