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Spice by Spice Girls by Maureen Shelly

These British bubblegum hip-hoppers live up to their name: the album's mix of rap, R&B, and techno [techno?] is definitely not bland. But the right ingredients don't mean a thing if you can't cook.
These five girls have a cumulative age of100 [actually, it's at least 114, but I digress], and their immaturity is manifest in their sound: a predictable combination of Wilson Phillips and ABBA, with a dash of Salt-N-Pepa. The result is more flat and sugary pop than spice.
Their first single, "Wannabe", hit number one on the British charts, holding there for seven weeks. Starting off with a catchy, brisk rap, the song quickly devolves into a Smurf-like melody [finally: a reviewer who understands exactly what's wrong with "Wannabe"]. Other songs have similar trouble incorporating tasty riffs into the overall dish, like the nice R&B harmonica that makes a split-second appearance on "Say You'll Be There", or the gradual layering of drums and bassline over acoustic guitar and violin in the opening of "Mama" that teases, then gets lost in over-produced vocal harmonies [again, spot on: "Mama"'s problem, besides the fuck awful lyrics, is the weird gospel singing].
The dangling carrot trick culminates with a full Gospel choir on "Who Do You Think You Are?": surging trumpets and a fast, funky beat set up the listener for a rousing climax that never materialises. There's just not enough meat here to warrant all the pretty garnish.
Though credited with writing all their own songs, the group members don't seem to play any instruments and probably didn't have much say in the arrangement of their tunes [they admit readily nowadays that they had almost no say in the melodic bits. Some songwriters].
In their press material they're all embarassingly identified, Mickey Mouse Club-style, only by hometowns and hobbies: "Mel B. (a.k.a Melanie Brown), a 20-year-old hip-hop lover from the northern English city of Leeds; 20-year-old Mel C. (Melanie Chisholm), soccer fanatic and all-around athlete from Liverpool", and so on. And while that doesn't mean the girls aren't talented, or that the concept isn't marketable, one wonders if we're not in for a Milli Vanilli [just look at how they perform live for the answer to that].
Packaged with some sassy videos, Spice Girls are fun, and the American club scene may eat them up [obvious statement: what is wrong with the American club scene?]. But those looking for more substantial fare should make reservations elsewhere.

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