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The first half of thishere entry is here.
We are mostly covered on Burning Man stuffs, though some things, and definitely food and water, and much packing, needs to be done still. For that matter, we still need to buy the tickets...went to Rasputin's in Berkeley yesterday to get them, but despite what the BM site said, they weren't sold there. Most likely we'll have to buy tickets for even more $ at the door. Okay, so it's $5 more. I wish we were going to BM early and getting a hotel the night before like Oli's doing, but as usual, we can't afford it. Though Rem seemed to have the odd notion of getting a hotel room so we could buy them in Reno the day before...but uh, that's not likely and silly. Wish I could find someone to shack up with in a hotel room so no all night driving, but then we'd have to pay. I do have my cousin Janelle in Reno, but I barely know her and certainly don't know where she lives there. I forgot to mention that Rem wants to get there at the crack of dawn Monday, i.e. driving all night Sunday and sleeping away Sunday day. I am so not thrilled with this plan. I cannot sleep on command. And I'll be asleep in the car all night, which ain't great when Rem wants someone to help him stay awake. Plus, he naps all night, progressively longer as the night goes on, on allnighters. This is not a good plan, (worse than leaving before I have to move), but he won't listen. Sigh...
As I mentioned, Rem talked to Oli Monday night or so, and got us into the Krackutopia site. If you read this page, you will see that it's...insane. And uh, drug-filled. Whoopee. Yes, I know that I should expect that with the name. Doesn't mean I'm not still a bit bugged, though. Not like I'm going to take any, or Rem's going to, but still. Yet another thing to not tell Mommy and lie about... That does make things easier for us though, being able to sponge off their stuff.
Rem has now moved out of his apartment (the earlier he's out, the more $ he gets back, I guess), and is living in Rumsey. I'm already finding this annoying, when he wanted to be over at Melissa's till midnight, then bitches about being too tired to drive and wants to go to my place. So we did, and Jess ok'd it, but I still feel like I pushed her out, or he did, or something. Then again, it was very squishy in that bed and maybe I'm cranky about it. Okay, so this isn't likely to be a big problem for long, as I won't be bugging Jess to have him over, and if he gives me the big bed back. If he doesn't get a place with Mike, I think I shall demand it back. Then again, if he wants over at my place a lot more, I think I should demand it back anyway. As for Mike, he is apparently ready to quit at any second (he's mentioned clearing out his desk), but still hasn't quit or decided anything. Ugha. Glad that's not me, 'cause I'd go nuts. Then again, things are kinda scary in my situation with no lease signed, but Sarah could shack up with Alex and Jess and I with Rem in emergency.
Yes, if you haven't noticed a pattern, I'm writing this on yet another night off. He said he wanted two on Monday night, and I sighed like someone whose furlough is over. Though it was of course inevitable.
I think I've figured out why I'm bugged. I'm okay if he's gone for hours, so long as I see him late at night (yes, even at 5 a.m., which is when he got back into town Friday night)/get to sleep with him. I never have liked sleeping alone even when I was a kid- piling in like twelve stuffed animals every night- I'm usually cold, get thrashy and restless, and don't sleep much till dawn or so, and get all annoyed. Though everyone else I know seems to just love it and go on about the joys of thrashing around. Like Rem was saying this morning, even. I mentioned the idea of him having time off and then seeing me later that night, but as I predicted, he didn't like the idea (sigh). The usual stalemate. We agreed to him having tonight (him cleaning his place, me supposedly packing mine, hah) and Thursday off. Though I am nervous about him having two off on a week when we've got this much to do, he seems to think it'll all get done. Okay, I knew I shoulda let him have time off earlier than this...I said something like that to him, and he said "well, we had stuff to do." Not really, no, that would be this week.
As usual, I got a little cry-y and abandoned-feeling, crying on him again (I get embarrassed when I do that, it's a stupid thing to cry over). He said I'm not being abandoned...and I said, "But part of the point is getting away from me, yes?" and he shut up. Look, I know what the truth is...
I'm not minding it right now, since we've been exchanging e-mails off and on all night about BM stuff (the last one was about how we should introduce ourselves on the Krackutopia message board, and how Rem "doesn't get the message board thing" (yeah, like it's THAT HARD.), and I got the BM post on Elgonquin done, and I should pack sometime (though I sure haven't tonight). And at least I'm not in Rumsey acquiring even MORE bug bites (I'm so riddled with them now). But I was like "Ugh, it's going to start up again."
Feeling like that has grown SO OLD. But we're at total stalemate, and I give up.
Surprisingly, we haven't heard from Zoe lately...she must be really pissed at Rem. I wish she'd let us know whether or not to expect her, but at this point I'm thinking she shouldn't go if she and he are this icked out right now.
Oh, and I actually met the dreaded ex-wife Robin yesterday (she kept calling Rem to fix her computer, and we were already in Woodland where she worked...). Small, blonde, odd interesting face, was nice enough to me at the time (she asked if his mom liked me, I said yes, but my mom's like that and I have experience in dealing with that). Though she called him today and after he refused to come over today, she apparently made some comment that I looked young, and Rem said "Yeah, she hates that."
Oh, whatever.
Another thing we talked about lately that annoyed me: Monday night or so he once again starts asking me what I want my life to be like in ten years (like I know). I figure this is to see about if I'm under the delusion that he'll be around, and I say "well, I'd like it if you were around then, but I'm not making any plans." Basically he seems to figure that we'll break up in a few years, get sick of each other, get back together and break up again (an apparent pattern of his). I was all "Look, it'll be you getting sick of me, not the other way around. I'm not the one who keeps hunting for new things all the time."
It is annoying that he pretty much automatically thinks things'll go to hell, I mean, how fatalistic. Practical, but depressing. I mean, why get involved with someone who's going to get bored of you (he said that's not it, I'm all "yeah, right") and through no fault of your own, you get dumped? Or at least I get that impression. I'm more of a "no plans, we'll see what comes along/keep open mind/hope for the best" person, but he doesn't seem to be going that way.
After Lugod last night, I was watching Pete (the president) and his new girlfriend Rhonda across from me at Bakers Square. For once I wasn't all over my boyfriend, and she was all over hers, acting just like I do, stroking him while he's talking to others and the like, staring adoringly...Ugh. I'm like that?
Sometimes I really get sick of myself.
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