Contents
Blessings --- Toasts --- SupersitionsSayings --- Jokes and Limericks
Sayings --- Jokes and Limericks
May your troubles be less,
and your Blessings be more,
and nothing but Happiness
come through the door.
Chosen leaf
Of Bard and Chief,
Old Erin's naitve Shamrock!
Says Valour, "See
They spring for me
Those leafy gems of morning!"
Says Love, "No, No,
For me they grow,
My fragrant path adorning!"
But Wit perceives
The triple leaves,
And cries,--"O do not sever
A type that blends
Three godlike friends,
Love Valour, Wit, for ever!
O! the Shamrock, the green, immortal Shamrock!"
There are good ships,
and there are wood ships,
the ships that sail the sea.
But the best ships,
are friendships,
and may they always be.
If a fairy, or a man, or a woman
Hath overlooked thee,
There are three greater in heaven
Who will cast all evil from thee
Into the great and terrible sea.
Pray to them, and to the seven angels of God,
And they will watch over thee.
Four corners to her bed
Four angels at her head
Mark, Matthew, Luke and John;
God bless the bed that she lies on.
New moon, new moon, God bless me
God bless this house and family.
Three things are of God;
And these three are what Mary told her Son,
For she heard them in heaven:
The merciful word;
The singing word;
And the good word.
May the power of these three holy things
Be on all the men and women of Erin for evermore.
May those who love us, love us.
And those that don't love us,
May God turn their hearts;
And if He doesn't turn their hearts
May He turn their ankles
So we'll know them by their limping.
Here's to absent friends and here's twice to absent enemies.
Here's to the light heart and the heavy hand.
May you be across Heaven's threshold before the old boy knows you're dead.
May we always have a clean shirt, a clean conscience, and a bob in the pocket.
Thirst is a shameless disease so here's to a shameful cure.
Here's to a wet night and a dry morning.
To cause love, keep a sprig of mint in your hand until the herb grows moist and warm, then take hold of the hand of the woman you love, and she will follow you as long as you two hands close over the herb. No invocation is necessary; but silence must be kept between the two parties for ten minutes, to give the charm time to work.
It is unlucky to offer your left hand in salutation, for there is and old saying: "A curse with the left hand to those we hate, but the right hand to those we honor."
By accident, if you find the back tooth of a horse, carry it about with you as long as you live, and you will never want money; but it must be found by chance.
Whistling was considered unlucky under certain circumstances. Fishermen did not whistle on board nor did actors in their dressing-rooms.
To throw a slipper after a party-going journey is lucky Also to breakfast by candle-light on Christmas morning.
If the palm of your hand itches you will be getting money; if the elbow, you will be changing beds.
Morning is the time to pity the sober. The way they're feeling then is the best they're going to feel all day.
The devil invented Scotch whiskey to make the Irish poor.
Firelight will not let you read fine stories but it's warm and you won't see the dust on the floor.
Better to come in at the end of a feast than at the beggining of a fight.
There's no point in keeping a dog if you are going to do your own barking.
It's as foolish to let a fool kiss you as it is to let a kiss fool you.
If a man fools me once, shame on him. If he fools me twice, shame on me.
A friend's eye is the best mirror.
Forsake not a friend of many years for the acquaintance of a day.
Let your anger set with the sun and not rise again with it.
How do you make a Kerry cocktail?
Take a half glass of whiskey and add it to another half glass of whiskey
Definition of an Irish husband:
He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years but he will kill any man who does.
Courtship is a time during which the girl decides whether she can do better or not.
A young man from near South Donegal
Who went to a Fancy Dress Ball
Dressed up like a tree
But he failed to forsee
His abuse by the dogs near the hall.
A lassie from Booriskane
Who went and undressed in a train
A saucy old porter,
Saw more than he ought-er,
And asked her do it again!
A farmer from near Castlemaine
Whose legs were cut off by a train.
When his friends said: "How sad,"
He replied: "I'm glad.
For I've lost my varicose vein."
There was a young lassie from Crosser,
Who in spiritual things was a messer.
When sent to the priest,
This lewd little beast,
Did her best to seduce her confessor.
A young lass from near Killenaule
Wore a newpaper dress to a ball
The dress it caught fire
Burnt up the entire--
Front page, sporting section and all!
An Irishman said with a grouch,
"Tis winter when you sneeze and you slouch,
You can't take your women,
In a canoe or swimmin'
But a lot can be done on a couch!"
Links to other Irish sites on the Web
Mystic Caravan - Jewelry and Gifts
Celtic Crossing Homepage
The Irish Times
Alaintha's Arena y Mar
Irish Name Page
Celtica Collection
Dermody & Mahar Irish Good
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