Some evidence that the gene pool may need a little chlorine:
Sign in a gas station: Coke -- 49 cents. Two for a dollar.
"I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the
clerk noticed that I had never signed my name on the back of the
credit card. She informed me that she could not complete the
transaction unless the card was signed. When I asked why, she
explained
that it was necessary to compare the signature on the credit card with
the signature I just signed on the receipt. So I signed the
credit card in front of her. She carefully compared that signature to
the one I signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they matched."
Idiots and Geography:
"After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate,
I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My
boss said, 'Really? Where is Monosyllabia?' Thinking that he was just
kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He
replied, 'Oh, you mean over by Croatia?'
Advice for Idiots:
An actual tip from page 16 of the HP "Environmental, Health &
Safety Handbook for Employees." "Blink your eyelids periodically to
lubricate your eyes."
Idiots in the Neighborhood:
"I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor
call the local township administrative office to request the removal of
the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: Many deer were
being hit by cars and he no longer wanted them to cross there."
Idiots and Computers:
"My neighbor works in the operations department in the central
office of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they
have problems with their computers. One night he got a call from a
woman in one of the branch banks who had this question: "I've got
smoke coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have a fire
downtown?"
Idiots In Food Services:
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She
asked the individual behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He
said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg.
Idiots Do Math:
A co-worker was telling us about her sister who was coming to
visit her for the holidays. Someone asked how old her sister was, at
which she paused, thought for a bit, and then answered, "She's half
as old as I am, that's how I always remember." So someone else (okay,
it was me) said, "That's neat... So every year that you age, she
only ages half a year?" My co-worker thought about that, and then said,
'Oh, yeah, I guess it only works on even years."
A man traveling by plane and in urgent need to use the mens room is
nervously tapping his foot on the floor of the aircraft. Each time he
tried the mensroom door, it was "OCCUPIED". The stewardess, aware of
his predicament suggested that he go ahead and use the ladies room,
but cautioned him against using any of the buttons inside. The buttons
were marked "WW, WA, PP and ATR".
Making the mistake that so many men make in disregarding the importance
of what a woman says, the man let his curiosity get the best of him and
decided to try the buttons anyway.
He carefully pressed the first button marked "WW" and immedately warm
water sprayed all over his entire bottom. He thought, "WOW, the women
really have it made!". Still curious, he pressed the button marked "WA"
and a gentle breeze of warm air quickly dried his hind quarters. He
thought that was out of this world! The button marked "PP" yielded a
large powder puff which delicately applied a soft talc to his rear.
Well, naturally he couldn't resist the last button marked "ATR".
When he woke up in the hospital he panicked and buzzed for the nurse.
When she appeared, he cried out, "What happened to me?! The last thing
I remember is I was in the ladies room on a business trip!" The nurse
replied, "Yes, you were having a great time until you pressed the
"ATR" button which stands for Automatic Tampon Remover... Your penis
is under your pillow!"
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