CRAZY POSTAL STORIES
TO SHARE AT THE DINNER TABLE
For those of you who didn't come in through the front door:
Hi, I'm Go-Postal! My site is dedicated to the 'go-postals' in the world, with lots of other useless kick-ass stuff to amuse. If any of my material offends you, (hopefully it will!) you are obviously in the wrong place!
If you are a virgin visitor, 
CLICK HERE to see all the past (but good) stuff! (Lot's o' postal stuff at the bottom of this page too.)
LAST UPDATED: August 2006!
A woman took a package to the post office to mail and was told it
would cost $2.40 for fast delivery or $1.30 for slower service.
"There is no hurry," she told the clerk, "just so the package is
delivered in my lifetime."
The postmaster glanced at her and said, "That will be $2.40, please."
There haven't been too many famous quotes associated with the
post office. The most famous is the one chiseled in stone above
the entrance to the main post office in New York City: "Neither
snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers
from the swift completion of their appointed rounds."
Most people don't realize that the quote is 2,000 years old.
It comes from the Greek writer Herodotus, who mailed it in,
intending it for the entrance of the post office in ancient
Athens. But you know how the mail is...
What do you call Bob the Mailman after he gets fired?
Bob.
The US Postal Service is still one of the best deals around.
For 33 cents they'll carry your letter around for weeks and weeks.
A woman went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas Cards. "What denomination?" asked the clerk.
"Oh, good heavens! Have we come to this?" said the woman. "Well, give me 30 Catholic, 10 Baptist ones, 20 Lutheran, and 40 Presbyterian."
Heard on the country-music show "The Weekly Top 30 with Harmon & Evans":
'The Post Office is laying off 30,000 employees. To make sure everyone
knew about it, pink slips were mailed out ... a year ago..'
A guy walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged, balding man standing at the counter methodically placing 'Love' stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then takes out a perfume bottle and starts spraying scent all over them.
His curiosity getting the better of him, he goes up to the balding man and
asks him what he is doing. The man says 'I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine cards
signed, 'Guess who?' 'But why?' asks the man.
'I'm a divorce lawyer,' the man replies.
ONE day Mother sent my little brother to the post office to mail a letter. A few minutes later he came back with a suspicious smile on his face. "What happened?" my mother asked. "I just fooled the people at the post office. When no one was looking, I dropped the letter into the box without buying any stamp."
I WAS making my daily rounds as a letter carrier when a four-year-old boy ran to his family's mailbox and planted himself squarely in front of it. With his feet spread wide and his arms folded, he told me sternly, "My mom says she just can't take any more bills."
STEVEN WRIGHT A-Z
Animals & Birds
*I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.
*Yesterday I saw a chicken crossing the road. I asked it why. It told me it
was none of my business.
*My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment
somewhere.
*I can levitate birds. No one cares.
*I looked out my apartment window, and I saw a bird wearing sneakers and a
button saying, "I ain't flying nowhere." I said, "What's your problem
buddy?" He said, "I'm sick of this stuff -- winter here, summer there,
winter here, summer there. I don't know who thought this stuff up, but it
certainly wasn't a bird." I said, "Well, I was just making breakfast, come
on in. Want some eggs? Sorry."
*I'm on the jury for a bizarre case. They say 6,000 ants dressed up as rice
and robbed a Chinese restaurant. I don't think they did it -- I know a few
of them and they wouldn't do anything like that.
*I spilled spot remover on my dog. He's gone now.
*I bought a dog the other day... I named him Stay. It's fun to call him...
"Come here, Stay! Come here, Stay!" He went insane. Now he just ignores me
and keeps typing. He's an East German Shepherd.
*I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on
them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
Want More? Too much to list here, Tons on this seperate page CLICK ME!...Well, what are you waiting for? A freakin' invitation??
Read each line ALOUD:
This is this cat
This is is cat
This is how cat
This is to cat
This is keep cat
This is a cat
This is dumbass cat
This is busy cat
This is for cat
This is about cat
This is forty cat
This is seconds cat
Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line
from the
top.
Celebs Without Makeup
You know them, you love them, you want them. Well, you wanted them until you got this little dose of reality.
A little rabbit is happily running through the forest when he stumbles
upon a giraffe rolling a joint. The rabbit looks at her and says, "Giraffe my friend, why do you do this? Come with me running through the forest, you'll see, you'll feel so much better!" The giraffe looks at him, looks at the joint, tosses it and goes off running with the rabbit.
Then they come across an elephant doing coke, so the rabbit again says, "Elephant my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health. Come running with us through the pretty forest, you'll see, you'll feel so good!" The elephant looks at them, looks at his razor, mirror and all, then tosses them and starts running with the rabbit and giraffe.
The three animals then come across a lion about to shoot up and the rabbit again says, "Lion my friend, why do you do this? Think about your health! ... Come running with us through the sunny forest, you will feel so good!" The lion looks at him, puts down his needle, and starts to beat the shit out of the rabbit. As the giraffe and elephant watch in horror, they look at him and ask, "Lion, why did you do this? ... He was merely trying to help us all!"
The lion answers, "That little fucker! He makes me run around the forest like an idiot each time he is on ecstasy!"
Did you hear about the postman who was surprised one morning on his rounds when the lady of the house invited him in? She served him a delicious breakfast, and then invited him into the bedroom. He was puzzled, but went along out of curiosity. She asked if he wanted to go to bed with her, and so he did that too. But then he realized it was time to finish his rounds, and he had to leave. The housewife insisted on giving him a dollar before he could go. This was too much for the poor man, and he asked her: "Lady, what is going on? First you feed me a delicious breakfast, and as if that isn't enough, you invite me to make love to you and we have a terrific time together. And now you want to pay me?! What IS this, anyway?" So she explained proudly: "Well, you know Christmas is coming, and I told my husband I wanted to do something nice for the postman, who is so faithful about delivering our mail all year. My husband said, 'Fuck the postman! Give him a dollar!'...But the breakfast was my idea!"
Did you know that every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie?
Q: What does it mean when the Post Office flies the American Flag half mast?
A: They're hiring!
A Post Office worker, at the main sorting office, finds an unstamped, poorly hand-written envelope, addressed to God. He opens it and discovers it is from an elderly lady, distressed because all her savings - $200 have been stolen.
She will be cold and hungry this Easter without divine intervention. He organizes the postal workers, who dig deep and come up with $180 to donate. They get it to her by special courier the same morning.
A week later, the same postal worker recognizes the same handwriting on another envelope. He opens it: "Dear God, Thank you for the $180 for Easter, which would have been so bleak otherwise. P.S. It was $20 short but that was probably those thieving workers at the Post Office."
THINK A DESK JOB IN THE POST OFFICE IS EASY?
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