The past, present, and future goals

The following is part of a multi-part series examining my past, present, and future. The columns located in here will be the first "Come Again" columns to be archived in its history due to the significance of what I'm doing. Part 1 will focus on my past and how it shaped me. Part 2 will focus on the present as to where I'm at right now. Part 3 will focus on my future goals, dreams, and ambitions. Be warned that the columns may be quite long.

Part 3 - The Future

The path ahead

There comes a point in your life when you wish you had a crystal ball and could see what the future holds for you. It can be while you're still going through school, trying to pave the road to your future, or it can be after you're done with school and that road appears bumpy all of a sudden.

For me, that point came early in 2004. I hadn't been in school since the fall of 2002, my job was not going to take me any further, and I was trying to figure out what I needed to do.

More than anything, I needed to find a way to be motivated, but that being a weakness of mine, the motivation was often short-lived, attempts at getting myself on track rarely getting past the planning stages.

There was a time when you could talk about potential and me and have time to potentially accomplish something. I was always somewhat good at sports, my best being basketball, but I never could seem to focus on one thing enough to try and make something happen with any passion of mine. Even my writing, which has often been praised, hasn't been utilized enough.

Had I taken the time to focus on something, I could be doing a number of different things right now. I could be playing professional basketball. I could be a successful writer. I could've been a meteorologist given my love for the weather.

Instead, I've worked for the same company for seven years, doing the same work for practically nothing when you think about it. Is this what I was destined to be?

I don't believe so. I still believe I'm destined for more, but I have to do something to achieve that. I have to find a way to motivate myself, force myself to achieve the things I'm capable of doing, not just talk about what I need to do.

I've focused too much on things that aren't important yet, most notably the girl situation. How many entries have been devoted to the latest girl falling out of my grasp? How many times have I sat and wrote something about how I just wanted to have someone to be with?

The thing I've come to realize is that while it may not be important to all girls that I have a plan for the future, it's important enough to most to where I need to set myself off in the right direction, show that I'm going to be able to provide for a family, before any girl should want to take a chance on me. The girl will come when I'm in a position to provide for that girl, give her the man that she deserves, not someone who has done nothing for himself.

The thing I need to do first is identify what I am going to do for myself. Am I going to focus on writing, as I should, or do I attempt to get into something else? Am I going to get my education here, or is it going to be somewhere else? Do I need a fresh start period?

The questions will have to be answered by the end of the summer of 2005. That's the deadline I'm setting for myself. There are reasons for this time frame as it gives me time to explore all options, save up money if needed, and be ready to do what I feel needs to be done.

I cannot rule out anything. I have to be prepared for anything, but I have to do something. I can no longer just sit around and hope something just falls into my lap. The moment that I show that I'm going to do well for myself will be when a girl will feel safe and secure with any kind of future with me.

I ultimately want what every decent person wants. I want a family, kids, a good job, and most importantly, stability. I don't want to have to face getting a divorce after I am married. I do not want to be like so many people who rush into marriage just because they think it would be fun. I want to be smart, ready, and capable of raising a family.

I want to be able to retire with my future wife, get my future kids through school, and live to see grandchildren of my own. I want to be able to have someone to grow old with, spend my wonder years with, and not worry about a thing.

Am I thinking big? Maybe, but that's what you have to do. You can't think little and just settle for what's handed before you. You have to want to have the best for your family, give them reasons to love you, not just expect it.

It's up to me to get myself to that point though. No one's going to take my hand and lead me there. I may have help along the way, maybe someone to push me, but no one's just going to give me the things I want.

That said, the choices that are before me are limitedless. As much as I don't intend on worrying about the dating situation, there are a couple of things that could happen. As of this writing in January of 2005, I have been talking to a girl that seems to be everything I could want. Problem is she lives in Massachusetts, hence the relocation possibility. This isn't me saying I'm going to definitely move to be with her, but if that's an option and a viable one (and we met and clicked), it wouldn't be out of the question.

There's always Cuyahoga Community College, as much as they've messed things up with me in the past. There's Cleveland State. There are options here if I choose to take them. I have an uncle who could possible get me into some sort of professional writing position. These are things I need to pursue, but with an open mind.

What it comes down to is I want to be happy. I want a happy family. I want a wife that's going to love me until the end of time. I want security and stability.

Above all other things, I want happiness.

It's on me to make it happen.