MY LIFE - JANUARY

Monday, January 1, 2001

God that looks strange. 2001. It's already here. I find that hard to believe in a sense. Wasn't it just yesterday that we were all panicking (or looking forward to) that the world was going to fall into shambles because of the whole Y2K joke? Seems like it, then again, considering how much has happened over the last year, it's a little easier to realize that 2000 is done and over with.

Actually, my biggest problem today was figuring out what day it was. I kept thinking it was Sunday. It felt like Sunday, but it wasn't quite Sunday. It was really weird and I'm sure I'm going to be messed up the rest of the week too since I'm still a little sick and I had today off. I don't get many Monday's off. I've had maybe four in three years and two have been in the last two weeks.

I'm still sick, but it doesn't seem quite as bad. My throat still hurts and I'm still stuffy, but I don't feel as miserable as I did yesterday. It's too early to tell, but I just might be getting over this at long last. I've only had it about a week now. I would really like to avoid going to my doctor too because I don't really think I need any medicine that badly. That's just me though.

So far, this year seems like it's off to a decent start. I'm not hiding up in my room all the time, I'm not being a jerk at work or making people hate me. I think I'm communicating well with everyone I talk to. I'm just having trouble keeping this site updated lately because of being sick. Writing has not been easy. My brain's been so stuffy, I just can't think of anything to really write about.

I've had two bad days at work in a row in terms of being busy and not being able to keep up with everything. I'm fine, but things aren't going good when you have a pharmacist threatening to walk out because it's been so busy. I understand why she was upset and everything. I just don't think walking out would be a very good idea. I don't even have that mentality to do something like that.

Anyway, people keep asking me about New Year's Resolutions, like they expected me to make any. Truth is, I didn't. I didn't make any last year and I've never really been into it. I don't like to make resolutions because chances are pretty good that I'll break them. I think I've managed to keep one resolution and that was to stop chewing on my finger nails a couple years back. It took me a year, but I stopped.

I just don't like making resolutions though. There's not really anything I want to change badly enough to where I'd make it a goal of mine. If I think something needs to be changed, I'll change it. I'm too spontaneous to have any resolutions. I can't make plans and I can't come up with resolutions. I'm not a decision maker either, so coming up with resolutions would take enough time as it is.

But if I did make resolutions, what would they be......To get a girlfriend. To become lead tech at my store. To get rid of some of my debt. To go back to school. Keep this site updated. Open up a little more and overcome my shyness. Become a decision maker. Become more of a leader. To stop eating donuts while working at my computer (powder's a bitch to clean up). To stop swearing at the wrong time.

I can make them. I just don't want to. It's a set up for failure. I'm not going to resolve to stop eating junk food. That'll never happen. I can't go too long without sugar and everyone knows that. I'm not going to resolve to work out because I don't have the time to. I work mostly nights (although I could change that with one request and piss off a couple people I work with) and working out isn't my thing anyway. I like being small. It's that much easier to get away with shit.

They'd all be broken with two weeks anyhow. I forgot what I intend to do most of the time, so remembering to stop doing something would be impossible for me. I'd remember after the fact, and what good would that do me? Not a whole lot, I'd say. Truth is, I'm doing just fine how I am right now. Sure, becoming more open would do me wonders and probably make dating that much easier. But everything else, I'm not really concerned about. If I get lead tech, great. Going back to school is a definite priority, but I wouldn't call it a resolution. Makes it sound like a bad habit.

The debt thing? That'll never happen. It's slowly going down, but it'll take a few years to erase what I have now and by then, I'll have accumulated much more. I'm just going to work on keeping it manageable, and if I get a chance to really shrink it, then I'll do so. Everyone has debt though, so I'm not going to worry about it so much.

I think I look fine, although maybe I should trim my hair a little more often and keep the goatee from getting too wild. I also think my body really needs to get its ass in gear and finish up the whole process of developing. I'm about two years behind every other guy my age. I still have a baby face from what people tell me and that's because the whole facial hair thing just isn't happening yet. Not that I want gobs of it, I just want to know that I can grow it if I want it. That hasn't happened yet.

But that's not really a big deal anyway. As long as I'm living, going to work, having fun, and doing the things I need to do, then everything's just fine. In talking with a couple of people, I've been reaffirmed of the fact that I've had it much better than a lot of people. Some people have just been through so much and they haven't let those bad things turn them into bad people. They aren't the happiest people you could meet, but they're fairly satisfied with what they have and know what they want.

This world would be a much better place if everyone wasn't such an asshole about stupid things.

---

Mike, his friend Ryan, and I rented a Playstation 2 and a game. To tell you the truth, I wasn't all that impressed by it. Sure, it can play the old Playstation games and plays DVD movies, but it just wasn't doing anything for me. It probably stems from the fact that Playstation only had a couple of games that really got me going and they were Driver and Driver 2. Playstation's games are all too complicated and filled with characters that were obviously designed by Japanese programmers.

The games all feel foreign and everything's just unreal. Nintendo's never really been like that. In Nintendo games, the characters looked mostly American and the games were obviously designed for American kids. Perfect Dark was a game like that. Rainbow Six is another one. It's just different when playing a Playstation game and Nintendo 64 game.

Most of Playstation's games were fighting games anyway and I hate those kind of games. I like games where you have something you're supposed to do, like a mission or an objective. I like role-playing games and action games. I don't like fighting games. It's not really my thing. The only kind of fighting game I've ever really liked is a wrestling game, and even that gets old quick.

So I ended up watching them and making fun of them try and kick each other's asses for a couple hours before deciding it was time to get home. I have to work tomorrow and I didn't really feel like hanging around until 12:30am and rushing home, rushing things done at home, then going to be really late.

I'll still go to bed late, but I'll feel like I accomplished something at least. Like doing my laundry and cleaning up my room. It is such a mess right now. It's not even funny. Fur everywhere, junk all over my computer station. Junk all over every other part of my room. You can tell I haven't had any energy after getting home from work because everything's a mess. I need to clean my bathroom too, but I just haven't been able to get to it.

So it's clear a lot needs to get done. Whether it gets done, I don't know. I have to get better above everything else and I'm not even 60% right now.

I just can't stand my nose leaking all over the place. It's soooo gross.