MY LIFE - JANUARY 2004
Friday, January 2, 2004
I really dislike Parmatown Mall. It's not because I dislike malls in general because for the most part, malls do not bother me that much. It also has nothing to do with the type of stores that are there either. There are some really nice ones there actually.
So just what is my problem with the place?
Simply put, it's located in Parma, which is a suburb of Cleveland. Yes, I said suburb. All you idiots living in Parma who dress like you're from the east side of Cleveland, get a flipping clue already. You are not ghetto. You don't even sniff ghetto. You couldn't be ghetto if you decided to move to a ghetto now and live there for a year. Please, stop dressing like you are ghetto.
This is specifically for the white people who dress ghetto. No where else does this phenomenom exist like it does in Parma. Hell, not even here in Cleveland do you see so many white guys dressing like their from St. Clair. You don't see it like you do in Parma. Ever wonder why?
Me neither, but it still bugs the hell out of me. Every other white guy I walked past was trying to pass himself off as the next Eminem or 50 Cent, or whoever hell the else they thought they were. There was one dude whose pants were on his knees for crying out loud! Dude, it's one thing to sag, it's another thing to not be wearing them at all.
I've never figured it out there either. You go to Great Northern Mall, Southpark Mall, or even Tower City downtown and you don't see that sort of thing. Walk into Parmatown though, and you swear you've been transported to something out of a rap song. I can almost feel the bass in the background.
Oh wait, that's just the music from one of the many urban clothing stores that are now in Parmatown to help encourage this positive ghetto image.
If you get the thought that I'm rolling my eyes, you're right. I am. I was the whole time too. I saw more white guys trying to look like the biggest badasses than I've seen in a long time. I have to wonder what's going through the mind of one of the many black people I see there as well. They almost have to be wondering just what the hell is up with all the white boys dressing like that.
It wouldn't even bother me that much either if it was a minority, but it's not. Walking into Parmatown isn't like walking into other malls. You don't feel like you've walked into suburban bliss with more stores with more useless crap than you'll ever lay a hand on. You feel like you've walked straight into a store in the middle of the worst neighborhood on the east side.
Even the white girls are dressing like their from the ghetto. That's even better. Gee, it's bad enough that the guys look like complete asses, but let's go ahead and let the girls get involved too! Sounds like fun!
In the meantime a couple that was about my age walked by with what looked like about three strollers and two other kids walking. Just how much damn time do these people have?
It makes me shake my head because I was clearly in the minority tonight. There weren't a lot of guys who were dressed like me, wearing just a simple hoody and somewhat baggy pants. There were a few guys and girls dressed like preps and other things, but they were few and far between, almost like they too were trying to avoid the rampaging ghetto fashions.
While I'm at it, just what do you Parma girls see in the ghetto look anyway? I mean, the facial hair, the clothes that are too big for even me to wear, the attitude problem, I could go on and on, but what is it that you see? I know girls like the bad boy thing, but it's one thing to date an actual bad boy, another to date someone who just looks the part.
Shit, I could go into one of those stores and buy up some ghetto shit, but, uh, I still have some shred of dignity left me.
I can't imagine why I only spent 20 minutes there before departing to Southpark Mall, which is the complete opposite to Parmatown. Southpark is located in Strongsville, which is about as close to preppy central as you will find in the area. As a result, Southpark is overrun by people who dress in the most popular fashions and look like aspiring models. It can get a little sickening, but it's a little easier to look at.
To me, places like Southpark and Great Northern evoke a more classy feel to them. The people look loaded, but for the most part, I have never run into anyone at either place that was particularly unfriendly to me. If anything, people have been extremely friendly at both places. At Great Northern, a girl working the T-Mobile booth stopped me so she could take a picture of me on the phone she was probably trying to sell. Even though I was probably one of about 50 people that she did that to, it made my day. I was worthy enough to have my picture taken.
The whole thing I'm trying to get at is I don't care for white guys trying to look like their ghetto. You don't need to do that. Sure, you can love rap all you want, you can name off the lyrics to all your favorite songs, but that doesn't mean you have to go out and try and look the part too. A lot of girls may even like that right now.
But for heaven's sake, you look like shit like that, so please, stop.
There are some other things I observed tonight that left me, well, feeling a bit scared. The first one was the guy with the huge afro. Now, I have never seen a white guy look good with an afro, and this guy was no exception. Afros, like ghetto clothes, should only be seen on black people, where it at least can look decent. If you're white and have a fro, please, stop and consider how awful you really look.
Another thing? Can we please not bring back the clothing and styles of the 70's or 80's? There's a reason why all kind of specials have been made on those decades. It's not because we remember them fondly, but rather, we remember how ridiculously stupid we looked at the time. Sure, some of the fashions may look cool again, but who are you really fooling? I really, really don't want to go back to the 80's myself. It was a shameful time for most.
As you might have guessed, I have a few things to talk about tonight.
I'm not even going to get started on the new year thing again. If you want to know my stance on that, just check out Come Again? or Commentary for my opinions on the new year.
I am going to say this though: today I felt about as good about life as I've felt in a long time. Worked suck, but I didn't feel bad when I left work. I was in a good mood despite the crappiness of the day. I wasn't down, I wasn't unhappy, I was just, well, upbeat.
I don't know if this is just a temporary thing or if this is something that's going to stick with me, but I feel a new sense of purpose in me, almost like I'm ready to take another step out of the shyness I've been in my whole life. I don't think I gave one person even a casual look tonight. I had this half-smile on my face the whole time I was out, even when I was being disturbed by the ghetto fashion show in Parma.
I'm not particularly worried about finding a girlfriend. I'm willing to let things go as they should. If I think a girl likes me, I'm going to have to buck up and make the attempt to take things further. I'm going to try and make more eye contact, hold it better, and see what happens with that. I have no reason to lack confidence because enough people have said I'm attractive. I may have shortcomings, but a lot of girls will overlook some of those.
I want this year to be a good year for a change. I don't want to mope around and be a pain in the ass. I want to be able to go out and enjoy myself. I had glimpses of that last year and I want to continue that this year. The more I get out, the better things will be.
I've noticed that there is still this strange fascination that younger girls seem to have with me. I mean, I like attention and all, but if it involves possibly breaking the law, then you know what? I have to think twice.
For beginners, there are a couple of 17 year-old girls who seem to have crushes on me. One I know of for sure, another I'm sure of but she's keeping that crush in check it seems. One lives three hours from me, another I work with. One I'm still not 100% sure of on what she looks like, the other I know is attractive.
One is infamous in this part of the site because of up and down conversations. You might remember the name of Ally. If not, check some of the October entries. She's in there. She continues to come across as a girl that may be a little too wild for my liking, and she is 17, but she seems downright determined to find a way to get with me. I admire the determination, but I've made it clear that there is nothing that's going to happen unless we meet in person.
The other is Diana from work. She's smart, she's cute, she too seems to have a bit of a wild streak in her, but she's keeping her crush more in check. Part of that is she has a boyfriend. Another part is she's well-aware of the complications of us getting together. Not only do we work in the same store, but she is 6 years younger. I'm sure if she was single and I pushed the issue, she'd go out with me, but neither of us is willing to do that.
It doesn't stop there though. A week ago, I took a script from a woman who was there with her daughter. Mind you, she looked like she was about 18. She was very flirty with me even with her mother there and she didn't take her eyes off me for long stretches of time. Imagine my surprise to find out she was 15. The girl carried herself like she was older than that, dressed older than that, even looked older than. She wasn't though. She was 15. I still remember when they came back later that night. She was still flirty with me. All I could do was shake my head.
On the web site Bolt, I'm on 130 people's friends list. I'd have to say at least half those are girls 17 and under, most of those 16.
Explain it. Now.
Because I have no clue? I know women like older men. I know this, but I didn't think that it was this extreme.
Maybe it's just me.
I have a bone to pick. Now, those who have known me for a while know that I can talk like there's no tomorrow. Give me something to talk about and I can help move a conversation along.
So where's my bone to pick? The last couple of girls I've talked to online from this area have been complete, well, duds. They barely say anything in response to a question, never have anything to ask me, and seem to barely have a pulse at all.
When I ask you what kind of things you like to do, it doesn't help to give a short answer to the question and then nothing else. What? Are you not curious what I might like to do? Or are you completely brain dead? That's the way it's gone though lately. I ask a question, get an short answer, and that's it. No return questions, no ellaborations of their answers, nothing.
In the meantime, I have to search for a new question and hope this one will spark some life into the other person. Typically, it doesn't. I can find things to talk about. That's no problem. But if you're not going to make any effort to talk back, then what the hell am I wasting my time for? I don't care how attractive I think you might be; if you aren't going to talk much, there's nothing I can do.
It just bugs me that some girls can just be so lifeless. It really does. Those are the same girls who complain about the guys they meet to.
"The conversations started out okay, but then things died."
Well duh. You never had anything to say back. I do not talk to people to hear myself speak or reread what I wrote. I talk to people to try and get a response on something. A good conversation shouldn't be like trying to catch lightning in a bottle. Shit, when I'm at work, Sarah and I can bullshit all day long and have a good time. Maybe because she does this little thing called talking back to me.
Try it sometime. You might be surprised to see what happens.
For those who still don't know, there is no sound on this computer that I use. The soundcard fried during the blackout over the summer and my mom still hasn't replaced it. I do not know when you've signed on and I don't know if you're imming me while I'm in another room.
If you see I'm online and can't figure out why I haven't said anything to you, well, it's because I have no idea you're on. I try to check my list every now and then, but sometimes I don't get to it. Please, if you want to talk, im me. It'll scare the shit out of me, but I'll get over it.
In other news, I'm talking to Ally again. I told her we can't date until we meet in person because I do not feel like getting burned. As far as we're concerned, we're just friends and nothing more. Hasn't stopped her from obsessing over me, but at least this keeps me from getting involved in something completely screwed up.
As I've previously stated in other parts of the site, I'm not making guarantees on how much updating I'll be doing. I'll work on this site as much as I can, but I can't promise a thing because something seems to always come up. I don't like to be cooped up inside much anymore.
And with that, I'm off to bed.
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