MY LIFE - JANUARY 2004

Friday, January 9, 2004

I know a girl. You might know her too. You might think she's a wonderful girl who's just a little on the crazy side. You might think she's the most annoying girl too. Or you might not like her at all. She's a complete bitch and doesn't seem to make good decisions.

I know a girl that could be all of that. I know a girl that continues to insist that she loves me and even though she's obviously having sex with someone on a regular basis, it's me she really wants. I know a girl who probably doesn't really know what she truly wants, only what she's lusting after.

I know a girl that get completely bent out of shape because someone she finds unappealing can walk by and try to talk to her. I know a girl that makes the worst decisions, then tries to find a way to get out of trouble. I know a girl who thinks that the world owes her something because she's been through some bad experiences.

I know a girl that I find to be both the nicest, yet most irresponsible girl arouund. I know she wants to go out with me. She claims that I'm the only one she wants to date, yet I constantly hear about how she got laid the night before, or performed some sexual act on a guy. For someone who claims to only want me, she sure gets around.

I know a girl who seems to think that I'm going to overlook all the things that I've been put through while talking to her and just go out with her. She seems to think that I'm going to forget about the things that have been revealed to me, some of the more undesirable ones at that. Why she thinks I'm going to just not consider those things is beyond me, but therein lies her lack of maturity.

She's going to be a legal adult soon and yet she's still operating with the mindset of someone four years younger. She doesn't have any concept of being responsible, yet she expects someone like me to just come waltzing to her and treat her the same as if she were a perfect angel.

The honest truth of it all? I will never date someone that's as irresponsible as she is, nor will I even consider just going to her and having sex with her, even if that is what she ultimately wants. That does me a complete injustice. I am not someone who is going to be viewed as a simple sex object, as strange as that may seem. I'm someone who's deeper than that and will not be treated as such, no matter how much affection she claims to have.

One of the things I told this girl a while back is I wouldn't date her unless she changed and I could see obvious change. From what I've been able to tell, she hasn't changed. Her language is still as coarse as it ever was, but that was never really an issue. I have just as bad a mouth as she does, I just don't show it as much.

No, the real issue remains with her decision-making, such as having unprotected sex repeatedly with another guy, then telling me about how he came in her. Evidently, she is not concerned with getting pregnant again, or she doesn't care. Either way, it's careless and I'm not comfortable with that at all.

I hate her having such large faults too because she could be such a wonderful girl and someone I would want to date otherwise. But her past decisions and even current ones detract from her looks and make her rather unappealing. It's so hard to fathom why a girl with so much potential could be like that.

I've also never talked to someone on the phone who's said so little too. Too often she's talking to someone else, not paying attention to what I just said, and seems completely uninterested at times. She wonders why I am sometimes reluctant to call too.

Frankly put, I'm not going to waste my minutes, free or not, on someone who's not going to be worth talking to. If I'm going to talk to someone, I actually like having a conversation when I talk to someone, not sit there and listen to them bullshit with someone else.

Oh well though. She can be fun sometimes, when she's not bitching about how much she hates her life or anything like that.

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I got to do laundry tonight after I took care of my car insurance situation. There was a really attractive girl sitting with her mom there and she continuously looked over to where I was sitting. It was really cool too because this girl looked like she was of Indian descent, although I couldn't be sure. She was definitely middle east, but I couldn't pinpoint exactly where. She was definitely attractive though.

The other thing going on was there was a mom and her little girl there and this little girl was just really adorable. She at one point was sitting in one of the baskets, then she picked up the basket and carried it around for a while, but it was clearly obvious that the basket was too big for her to carry around and she kept getting swallowed up by it.

Then later she tried to take the rolling cart that I was using away from me while I still had some stuff in it. It was very amusing at the time.

Maybe I'm just tired, but all that kept things interesting while I was there.

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I've been getting to bed earlier than normal and I've been more alert during the day as a result. It's also resulted in me getting to bed no later than midnight lately, except for last night.

Last night, my mom decided that we were going to move a couch up to the third floor, then after that, put on the new door that we had just bought. That's when things got interesting.

First, we couldn't quite get the door into the opening, so we pulled it back out and tried to rework it back in, but then it didn't fit at all. We had measured everything and still it wasn't going to work. Then we got it in, but nothing was level.

Attempt after attempt to position it right didn't work. We tried shimming the door, we tried to put different pieces of wood in different places, but nothing seemed to work. When we did get something level, the damn door wouldn't close. We'd get the door to close, it wasn't level.

Trust me, the frustration level was sky high. For a few minutes, my mom and I looked at each other trying to figure out how to make this door fit and shut at the same time.

We went back to work on it and after much trying, we finally got the damn thing in and it was closing, so we said the hell with it. We didn't care that it didn't look the greatest; we were just happy to get it in and even happier that it was closing.

My attempt at getting to bed by midnight failed. In fact, it was 4am when I finally got into bed and could go to sleep.

So much for that.