Wednesday, February 18, 2004

I have decided that I'm officially crabby tonight. I have no real justification for being this way, nor do I have an explanation as to what made me feel crabby, as I was not crabby at work, but I think I can put a finger or two on the reason.

It could be because I'm overtired from being up since 7:30 this morning, working during one of the slowest days in recent memory, and trying to figure out once again just what the hell I'm going to do with myself in terms of a career.

Those would all be rather valid reasons, but I think the main reason I'm crabby is I sent a bunch of e-mails out to people who indicated that they wanted to talk to me and not one single person has written me back. In some cases, it's been over a week, in others, it's been over a month. It also could be because I have thirty people on my combined buddy lists, but no one's ever on and those that are on are away or don't remember who I am.

It could be because of empty promises made by those I've talked to that they'll talk to me later on and then never hear from them again. It could be because I talked to one girl who had given me her screen name after I had found her profile and e-mailed her a compliment, only to have this girl subsequently not appear online again since (and she had been on constantly for two days prior to this conversation we had), indicating to me that she blocked me. Why? I would have no clue.

It could have to do with a girl I tried to call who then called me back and hung up when I answered, then e-mailed some lame-ass excuse to me about her being busy with work again and needing to focus on that until things calm down.

Or maybe I'm just crabby and there's no real good reason behind it.

The single thing is seriously starting to eat at me slowly though. I've been fine for the most part, but now I'm starting to really get annoyed with it and am having a hard time keeping up a happy demeanor when the one thing that I cherish having the most is the most difficult thing for me to attain.

Granted, I do lack in some key areas that most girls seem to be looking to find in a guy, such as being well-built, very out-going, wild, and etc. Maybe it's something else though. Maybe there's some other magical reason why I can't catch a break in this sort of thing.

Maybe I'll just stop bitching about it since I know it's not going to make a damn bit of difference at all.

*puts on smiling face*

I really don't feel that bad, it's just a mood I'm going through. A lot of it is frustration from certain people not getting back to me, but part of it is also the realization I have no idea where my life is going right now. I used to know what I was going to do for a living and how I was going to get there. I was going to be a pharmacist and a damn good one.

Then something funny happened along the path to that destination.

One, I began to truly realize just how shitty healthcare is in this country. When your insurance forces you to take the medications it chooses to cover, it's bad. When your insurance says you can no longer go to a retail pharmacy to get your prescriptions, it's downright ridiculous, yet that's what's happening all across the country.

It's sickening how powerful insurance companies have become. They're almost as powerful as the drug companies themselves. Not only do they decide what medicines you are going to take, but they decide where you're going to get them from. You pay a ton of money to be told that you have no options.

It's sad, it's wrong, but it's not going to change anytime soon. Most people my age don't even have a clue of how messed up the system is either. Ask any middle-age or elderly person though, and they'll let you know how fucked up things have become.

It's haggling with insurance companies, along with the general sense that customers don't realize how difficult the job is, that has disenchanted me from the whole idea of working in a pharmacy, or in healthcare period.

Six years is a long time, and maybe it's time for me to try a new career out, something that's different, something that might motivate me to work the way I used to work.

I talked to Sarah about this too and she seems to feel the same way about her situation as I feel about mine. We aren't fond of our jobs, we need to move onto something better, and we both know that school is going to be the only way to find something better.

It's time for a change.

---

I was in a pretty good much of the day, so I'm thinking that I feel like blah because I'm a little tired and I'm agitated by certain people. I just don't get the way some people act. I know I sat and bitched in this entry for no other reason than to just bitch, but this is where I release those feelings. I know full well that bitching isn't going to get me anywhere, yet I'm constantly talking with people who complain about their lives, the way things are going, and have no real reason to be bitching.

There are a couple of people in particular who seem to complain about things all the time without any real realization that if they aren't going to do anything about what they're complaining about, nothing's going to change.

One girl I used to talk to would complain about one guy after the next and how she could never find a guy that was right. Well, if you keep trying to get with guys who act the same, subsequentially treating you the same, then yeah, you're going to have the same result over and over again. Try finding a different kind of guy and see how it goes.

I guess that's too easy though. It's easier to complain about a guy then to find something better.

I just don't get it sometimes. I know that a lot of girls have been hurt repeatedly by guys and there's not much they can do about it, but there are some cases where the girl is just being dumb.

I'm not really referring to anyone I know in particular, but just as a general sense. Stop picking up guys in the same place and you might get a different result.

Oh what the hell. I don't even have a girlfriend. I really have no right to even try and advise on these matters.

I guess I'm just tired of dealing with people who do nothing but complain.

Then again, what have I done in this entry? Don't ya love hypocrisy?

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