Tuesday, February 17, 2004

There are those who will notice right away the new format that I've started to present into this web site. Well, there are a few anyway who've been to this site a few times and know how it has undergone changes over the years, changes that at one point in time were either brilliant, or well, not-so brilliant.

Not-so-brilliant changes included trying repeatedly to do some sort of entertainment page. "Dave's Pop Culture Extravaganza" was a nice idea, but something I could never actually do. For one, there are only a few things in popular culture I can truly stomach to watch, much less write about. The most successful endeavor of mine was actually how this site began; as a fan site for the tv show "Mystery Science Theater 3000."

For the very few that might remember that far back, this web site actually began as a fan site for "MST3K" back in 1998. The idea to expand to include original pieces of writing was partly caused by my own boredom with what I was doing and an incredibly feisty attitude I displayed at times. In short, I had a whole lot of time to kick around and I was sometimes obnoxiously loud in my opinions.

Editorials began popping up on my site, which began as a member of America Online back when I actually cared to use the service. I still remember the address, members.aol.com/wservo9 (and later wservo9a). I remember that I began to evolve the site into two different commodities, one that dealt with me and my views, and one that dealt with "MST3K."

By the end of 1998, I packed my site up and moved it to Geocities, situating the two different aspects of my site into two different addresses, one in the "Television City" part and one in the "SouthBeach" part of the site. "MST3K" was the dominating idea for me though and my intents were lofty. I was going to have my own version of an episode guide, my own version of the history of the show, and that was in addition to the sections about the cast and the latest news (which was ripped off of Satellite News' own web site.

Time passed, more was spent on my own personal site and less on the other one, and I eventually shut down the "MST3K" section of the site for good. The focus had become on me, with the expanding "My Life" section as well as my other random ramblings that I was known to go on.

I was getting older and this was getting boring. I had been relatively satisfied spending all my free time online for a long time, relatively oblivious to the idea of going out. That began to change, as did the frequency of my writing. Not so much while I was in high school, but immediately afterwards. Entries became fewer and farther between, shorter in length, and in most cases, nothing more than something I did when I had nothing else at all to do.

Every now and then, I'd write something inspiring, but for the most part, the things I should've been writing about I was excluding from my site. When I engaged in relationships, I disappeared completely. Not exactly what I had intended, but the result of someone who had grown out of his internet stage.

I had to cope with changes in myself and in others. People I used to talk to all the time moved on with their lives and stopped going online. Those friendships I thought would last forever either ended or have been on indefinite hold. Things I used to do all the time I don't care for anymore.

I almost hate to say this, but the internet bores me now. I don't talk to as many people as I used to, nor do I care to. I have probably 40 people all combined on my buddy lists, yet I talk to an astounding 5 to 7 of you on a regular basis. The rest? People who bored me.

I will admit it. I have high standards when talking to people. If you do not hold down your end of a conversation, you will lose me. It's not something I hide, nor is it something I'm ashamed about. I used to be able to talk about nothing, but now, if I ask a question and get nothing but simple answers, I lose interest and stop talking.

I tend to give detailed answers to questions and I generally will write a lot when talking or e-mailing, so I feel almost insulted when someone sends a message or e-mail back that's short and pointless. I feel I've wasted my time and will not sit and deal with a person who can't give me the same insight that I might give them.

I'm not holding myself up on a pedestal, just expecting more from people. It's something that people dealing with me have to cope with and for the most, those who are really interested in me do so.

Writing isn't the same anymore for me though. I used to be able to sit here and bullshit about anything and everything. I would read something in the paper or see something on the news and immediately formulate an opinion based upon what I had seen. I'm still opinionated, but I pick and choose when I'll let loose with opinions. Long-time readers might remember my little mini-feud with Plain Dealer columnist Dick Feagler. He still writes things that are incredulous at times, but I don't feel the need to attack him. He has his own opinion and if I feel particularly threatened, I'll take a shot. For the most part though, I ignore him.

It all comes down to the fact that I haven't been able to cope completely with the fact that no one is the same online as they are in person. We can all claim to be the same, but in reality, you can't completely convey who you are online unless you have a webcam and a microphone. Message boxes and e-mails can never convey how you want to sound, especially if you use sarcasm. I may have inadvertently given up trying to use sarcasm because I constantly have to explain that I'm using it.

My sense of humor just isn't strong online. Not like it used to be. I still have my conversations with people that can get humorous, and I can still write humor (as made clear with the lice comment on my opening paragraph in the main page), but I struggle when writing humor. It's yet something else that I have to try and cope with. I'm funnier than most know.

In case anyone's wondering, there really isn't any point to this entry at all. I've yet to talk at all about anything that's happened over the last few weeks, which might come across as unfortunate for those who want to know all about my life, but I don't feel that much has happened that's warranted me writing about it. As it stands, I'm still a terribly private person who chooses not to reveal my inner-most thoughts.

I started off talking about this site undergoing changes and have somehow come around to myself. Am I all over the place today or what?

Truth is, this site has changed a lot over the years. I've experimented with fonts, colors, backgrounds, images, and so forth in an attempt to make something that would appear attractive to people. Recently, I had no graphics on this site, just pictures of me. All titles were done with simple header codes and in blue.

I've abandoned much of the blue text in this site though. I love blue, but it can be awfully hard to read on the star background, so I felt it necessary to remove. I also felt the need to experiment with graphical titles. Don't be surprised to see them change repeatedly as I learn new techniques in Illustrator and decide what works and what doesn't.

I didn't go to images though to try and make this site appear more high-tech, but rather as a way for me to try and expand what I'm doing. I wanted something a little more noticeable, something that would look decent, yet be simple.

You can actually see some of the progressions this site has undergone in the archives of this section. From the green text, the picture of me without glasses, to the way I wrote, you can see how the site has evolved over the years. You can see how I've coped with my changes in ideas and thoughts, input from those who've been to the site, and just plain experimentation.

You'll also notice how I slowly stop talking about things around me more and more as time goes by.

It's all about change, this life, and I think this web site perfectly defines how I've changed.

You see my struggles with dating, shyness, and my family life. You see my rise from the first months of working all the way through until present day. You see my writing style evolve from...well that's a little trickier to figure out. I really don't even know what the hell my writing style is anymore.

More change is on the way though. I've slowly begun to stockpile images from "MST3K" as I begin to attempt one last shot at a fan page. Granted, this is not going to be something that's updated much once it's done, since the show itself is no longer on tv, but rather a memory of the show. I want to introduce people to what I consider the funniest show to ever air on tv while giving myself a nostalgic look back at what I loved about the show.

The basic idea is I'll write about the characters, an on-air history of the show, and how I felt overall about the show from season to season. It'll be more of a site to remember the show by, to honor it the way it should be honored.

A lot may happen, but some things will never change.

---

I haven't been writing people back that often of late and it has everything to do with me being just too tired to even think about writing anymore. It's gotten to the point now where I'll sign on with my messengers, see who's on, check my mail, check some sites, and then sign off without saying anything to anyone.

I blame my bed.

I don't have a normal bed like most people. I haven't had a normal bed since we moved out of the hotel room and back home again, to be frank. I sleep on a futon, futon mattress, a feather mattress, and three of those yellow cushion-things (just what the hell are those things anyway?). It's not exactly sleeping in style.

As a result, I usually wake up stiff and in some cases, I feel downright shitty when I get out of bed. It usually passes by about mid-morning, but typically, when I get home from work, I'm exhausted.

There's also stress involved, since I'm basically barely making it from week to week as I try to pay bills, pay back my mom what I owe her, and catch other things up. It's not exactly my idea of a good time. Another contributing factor would be my nephew since he's starting to teeth, but we'll let him slide since it's not his fault he came with some assembly required.

Let's not even start with how I feel about work either. I get paid shit to do a ton of work and my pharmacist-in-charge Keith actually wonders why I feel no motivation to do what I'm supposed to do. Gee, if I actually got paid what I'm worth, maybe, just maybe, I'd do a better job. It's a novel concept, but I know it's not going to catch-on.

I'm just getting warmed up here now too.

While I'm bitching, I'm going to once again call out girls on some of these sites who claim that they want to meet all kinds of new people, are interested in talking to different kinds of people, yet don't respond when I e-mail them, specifically on certain sites.

I also have a problem with girls who give my their instant messenger info, then unceremoniously block me or whatever a day after talking to me once.

Gee, you are open to new people, aren't you?

The best part is I'm the one talking, asking questions. It's really simple girls. If you aren't that interested in me in the first place, don't invite me to talk to you and have my hopes crushed. It's not something I take very well. In fact, I despise people like that, especially if it's the kind of site where you can show that you're interested in someone before they actually e-mail.

You click that you'd be interested in me, yet don't respond to my e-mail? Right. I got it now. It's all coming into focus now.

I hate to sound agitated, but I have been lately. I'm just trying to find people to talk to and if something more was to come out of it, great. Yet getting people to talk is often about as easy as convincing an eskimo that relocating to Florida is a great idea.

Maybe it's the weather though.

It can't get warmer soon enough as far as I'm concerned. I've slowly realized that I've become a summer person instead of the winter guy I used to be. I still love the snow and all that, but I get tired of it quicker every year and look forward to the summer sooner.

Hence my rather derogatory comments towards the groundhog (not that I believe that sort of shit anyway).

It also probably has to do with the fact that this is a pretty slow time of year for sports too. Football's over, baseball is still a couple of months away, and basketball isn't that good yet.

Maybe it's just me. Is it?

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