Monday February 28, 2005

We're going to try something different with the beginning of this entry just because I've had this idea floating in my head for a while and couldn't decide whether or not I was going to do it in here or another journal.

Ladies and gentleman, I present to you, random things I like.

For instance, I like girls with pretty smiles on a pretty face. That's the first thing I'll notice.

I like girls who wear revealing clothes, but not so much as to be practically naked. Let's have some decency after all. There is such thing as too short a skirt ladies.

I like the feeling of waking up in the morning next to a girl that I can't get enough of. It's great to see that first thing in the morning. Nevermind it's been two years since I've had that.

I like hearing people compliment me even though I may not agree with what they feel about me.

I like the way my cat, Kisa, can just spaz on me without warning, giving me all the entertainment I need.

I like how "Lord of the Rings" was adapted to the big screen. You don't get better storytelling than that.

I like how Southpark is so crude, but yet so damn funny anyway.

I like how innocent babies and children are.

I like how well some people take care of those children.

I like when bad parents are brought to justice and despite all the problems, the kid(s) grow up to be good people.

I like when someone refuses to give up even though it seems impossible to achieve what they want to do.

I like the color blue.

I like my jeans loose and a little baggy.

I like my t-shirts and sweatshirts large.

I like my hoodie like it's God.

I like when I'm with a girl and we strip each other down. Just something more intimate when that happens.

I like the deep, personal kiss that indicates how strongly you feel about the person you love.

I like the simple embrace of one another just because you can.

I like when a girl leans her head into me and allows me to hold her as close as I can to me.

I like when I can look in a girl's eyes and know that she's into me.

I like being able to just take a drive somewhere and not worry about where you're going or when you're going to be back.

I like how life keeps throwing curves at you, making you adjust to your situation.

I like a girl who isn't afraid to let everyone else know how much she likes the guy she's with and is willing to be there for him no matter what.

I like a girl who can understand that when I say something, I mean it.

I like junk food.

I like Pepsi more than should be allowed.

I like only specific kinds of poptarts, such as s'mores. Who knew how good chocoloate, marshmallow, and graham cracker could be smashed together.

I like any cereal that's high on sugar, low in the "good for you" factor. If there is no sugar in it, I'll add sugar to my liking.

I like chicken. A lot. I'm not kidding. I could live off chicken the way I've been eating it lately.

I like beef as well. Don't forget about the good old cowburger.

I do like vegetables such as corn, broccoli, and potatoes.

I like fruits a lot, especially apples, oranges, and pears.

I like any candy that's liable to triple my blood-sugar level just by thinking about it.

I like calm snowstorms, the kind where you can just watch the snow fall gently and for once not have to drive somewhere in it.

I like nasty thunderstorms, the kind that shake the house with each thunderclap. I used to dream of stormchasing until I realized I was going to be too poor to actually do that.

I like the colors of leaves in the fall when there's just enough bite in the air to keep you chilly.

I like the warm spring days when it's still comfortable outside and cool at night.

I like the calming affect that some music can have on me, making it easier to think and write.

I like video game music more than I should. Halo and Halo 2 have great soundtracks.

I like all kinds of music, but I listen to rap more than anything else. My tastes in artists vary widely depending on my mood. I don't listen to popular music very often.

I like that my friend Jen and I can sit on the phone for two hours and just remember all the things that we've said to each other through e-mails. Hell, I like Jen period.

I like that I can sit and play a video game with Mike for hours and not get bored. I like that we can piss each other off in the same game and still beat the damn thing.

I like the word damn.

I especially like to say dammit.

I really like to say god dammit.

I like to instigate just enough to keep things interesting at work, but not enough to get into trouble.

I like to make life difficult for my pharmacy manager Keith just because I can.

I like to pretend I'm scared shitless of Sarah even though the girl is harmless.

I guess you could say I like life.

---

It wasn't always that way with me. I've always had my moments where I hated life and wondered why I was even on the face of the Earth, but years ago it was much much worse.

I used to doubt my worth as a human being. I hated people with a passion. I hated the way my life was going and how it always seemed that if something could go wrong, it would.

I carry the good with me, but I also am always mindful of the bad that can happen. I never forget the things I experienced, never forget the moments when I thought life would never be the same. There are some things you just can never let go of, no matter how hard you try.

Some things, like my relationship with my dad, remind you that you can't take any relationship for granted. It still amazes me that he's allowed to walk the streets. Word is his latest adventure involved him threatening another judge, landing him back in jail. When is anyone going to learn that the man has mental problems?

It's things like that that remind of how cruel a world we can live in. It's things like serial killers and pedophiles that remind me of how sick some people are. I'm reminded every time I pick up a paper and read about some girl getting raped, some child abused by a parent, or some other heinous crime.

Yet at the end of the day, I can remember the good things as well. I can remember the friendships that I have. I can remember how I actually do seem to have a place in life right now, even if it isn't where I'd like it to be.

I can hold on to the good parts of life and recognize that there will be bad moments, but those moments are to make you stronger.

The strong people take on the challenges in life and refuse to give in. The weak people give up and allow themselves to be consumed by the pain, anger, and sadness in their lives.

For every person who attacks a homosexual with the intent of hurting them just because of their sexuality, there's someone who's cool with that same person just because they recognize that sexuality doesn't make a person good or bad.

I could never attack someone just because of their sexuality, religion, or other difference because I have enough to sense to respect what others believe. As long as it isn't going to hurt me, I don't have a problem with it.

At the end of the day, there are good things and bad things in life. How you feel depends on how you handle those different things.

Where do you stand?

---

Today was a nice day. Work was busy, but not too busy, and for once I had some decent help. In other words, I wasn't doing all the work myself like I'm accustomed to doing.

Sarah reminded me about five times though that tomorrow's supposed to be the night we go bowling again. I think she has the bright idea that we go at least once every week so we can get better and join a league.

I don't see that happening, but Sarah gets these crazy ideas in her head and it's best to let her live in her world for a while and let reality smack her in her face soon enough.

It's not that I don't like bowling, it's just that I'm never going to be good enough to consider it more than something fun to do during the week with friends. It's just not something I'm really going to be into. Basketball, baseball, and football are my favorite sports and that's not likely to change anytime soon.

Ah, but the day was fine. Nichole came in and it was clear something was up. I had a feeling what it was and I would end up being right. She evidently dropped the guy she had been seeing, something all of us had been telling her she needed to do. I guess she finally got tired of supporting him and bailing him out of trouble constantly.

I only bring this up because at the end of my last entry, I called for her to do something about the situation she was in and she did, at least for now.

In any case, the only thing of significance that I've done tonight is finish up another section in the Year in Review that I started at the end of last year.

I hate rereading entries from last year though. It was such a shitty year for me and it's amazing to me just how much of it was my own fault. I personally messed up a number of things just because I didn't, and I guess I still don't, know what I wanted out of a relationship.

I know what I'm looking for, yet I can't be sure if it's what's right for me. You could say I'm conflicted and just hoping that at some point I find someone who clears everything up for me. It's probably asking for a lot, but one can wish, can't he?

It was just strange to read all the entries and realize now that at the time, I was going through some depression.

I had a fun conversation with Jen the other night though. Every time I talk to her, I'm reminded of just how much I love the girl and how much I still wish there would've been more for us. The break I wanted never happened though and while I can't blame her, I can't help but feel I could've done more.

She still is to me the ideal girl for any guy to be with. She's funny, she's sweet, and she's just a load of fun to talk to.

What blew me away was that she had saved all these e-mails I had sent her from years ago when that's how we kept up with each other. She reread some of them to me and it was weird to hear her read some of what I wrote, yet at the same time, you could tell it's my writing.

I never want to go a long stretch without talking to her again though. She knows more about me, knows me better than any other person in my life hands-down. She knows things that no one else probably will ever know or understand about me.

I hope everyone has a friend as good as her.

It's hard to find someone like her these days.