MY LIFE - MARCH

Monday, March 5, 2001

I have a couple of things that I think are really important to say. First off, I've met a very interesting girl who just happens to be attractive on top of it all. She's somewhat on the strange side and very hyper and from talking with her over the last couple days, we seem very much alike, even though there are some very big differences.

Second, I have been dabbling with different things in how this web site looks which is why some areas might appear different from day to day. First off, I've finally figured out how to work the coding so that the navigator panel at the bottom of each page looks small and fits on the screen. This was something that was bothering me, especially since it just didn't look right.

I would like to mention to anyone who uses Internet Explorer to view this site that the fonts look much bigger than they should. They look like 14 point fonts when I'm actually using 12 point fonts, so why the type looks so big through AOL and internet explorer is beyond me. As for Netscape users, the fonts can sometimes look a little too small. How I'm supposed to compensate for this is beyond me. I guess y'all just have to deal with it.

Third, I have no idea when I started saying "y'all" so much. It just seemed to happen. Depending on who you talk to, it's either really cool or really gay. So far, I've been pretty good in public. I don't use it that much except on accident. Like I said, I don't know why I started saying it. I just have. Might be the hip hop influence in me. Whatever it is, I don't care. Just deal with it.

Anyway, I remembered tonight why I had been reducing my sugar intake for the longest time. I was way too hyper tonight and while it was very amusing to everyone around me, too much of this could get me in trouble, especially since my most sadistic remarks were directed at Paul, and he was already pissy because he had to ring register. I managed to avoid really hitting his buttons, but more than once I received a snide remark from him. I just don't think he realized I was just messing with him like I was messing with everyone else today.

He finally loosened up a little bit towards the end of my shift, but he was making it really obvious that he didn't want to be on register today and did anything he could to try and get Linda and me to help him when he realistically didn't need any help. But so goes the legacy of Paul. Tries to do too much somedays, otherdays he makes it clear he wants to go home.

I was too slaphappy to really care though. I was having fun, Linda was having fun, Steve was having fun, and Jim was having fun and that's all that really mattered. Paul's refusal to lighten up was his own choice. Meanwhile, the rest of us joked around while doing our work and had a pretty good day all in all.

Anyhoo, I have been talking to a girl for the last couple days who goes by the name of JJ. Don't ask me what it stands for. I keep forgetting to ask and forgot to ask in an e-mail I sent her earlier tonight. It's not really important anyway. All I'm really going to say about her is that she's attractive and she's funny as hell. The only downside is that she's a party girl, although she told me she wasn't going to make me do anything I didn't want to do, which was good to hear.

Right now, I'm just going to see how things go, especially since a couple people still aren't writing me back for whatever reason they might have. At this point in time, I guess I don't really care. They don't have anything to say to me, then I don't have anything to say to them. As much as I wish I knew what the reason was, there's not much I can do.

I'm pretty sure a lot of it has to do with the two Come Again? columns I wrote where I pretty much blasted everyone I know online without really meaning to insult everyone. But hey, I had to make how I felt known and since people weren't writing me back anyway, I just decided to post it and send everyone a link explaining that not all of it pertained to them (for some people, not of it pertained to them, I just wanted them to know how I felt).

I never wrote it intending for everyone to love it and think it so insightful. I wrote it knowing that someone, maybe more than one person, would get pissed at it for one reason or another. But I don't write things for everyone to like and I don't decide what I write based on whether someone might hate it or not. I say what I think and feel and if you don't like it, let's talk about it. If you don't want to talk about it, then there's nothing more to be said.

And right now a lot isn't being said. And while it baffles me (you'd figure some of the people who haven't been talking to me would have something to say), it doesn't surprise me either. I've never been a good diplomat when it comes to getting my feelings across and that's just how things are. I'm not perfect and I know this better than anyone else. I have my flaws and while I may not be proud of them all, I accept them as they are.

I also accept other people's flaws as well. It's how I am. It's how I've always been. I'm not just going to up and change because someone doesn't like how I am.

It took me 17 years to figure out I liked who I was and I'm not just going to get up and say "I hate myself, I think I'll try something new." It ain't happening people. I have a mouth and will use it. I'm very cynical and not afraid to admit it. I'll tell something to a person whether they want to hear it or not. That's the flipside to me being a good listener and someone who will give out advice. I can be an ass when people piss me off.

I have confidence in myself, something I didn't used to have. I know I'm good at my job. I know I have qualities that a lot of girls like. I know I'm not the best looking guy, but I'm far from the worst looking guy. I'm not an outgoing person. I'm very humble and never look at the things I do as major accomplishments, not even when I graduated.

But anyway, if you haven't written me back, then it's pretty clear why I might not have written you in a while. I'm not going to waste my time anymore. I don't have a whole lot of it, and if people aren't going to take me serious, then I'm not going to mess with them. That's the bottom line. I'm not taking shit from people. My buddy list has been slowly shrinking as I remove names that haven't been talking to me. If you're trying to im me and I'm not responding, get the fucking message.

Either I don't want to talk or I don't want to talk to you. There are some people who just haven't figured it out yet. There are a lot of people I still would like to talk to, but a few that I don't want to anymore for one reason or another. Some people I haven't been talking to, I miss but if they don't want to talk to them, I'm not going to try and make them.

I hate being mean. But sometimes you have to be to get anything done in this world anymore.

Now then, this week's "Monday Moaning."

"It was very poor taste for the TV stations to show Baby Oscar with the woman who murdered his mother. I don't know why they had to show that. Is it because their ratings are low? The family's been through enough."

People just love to point out everything wrong with the news, yet they keep watching the same station they criticize. Let's face it, a lot of it has to do with ratings and while I don't agree with a lot of practices they incorporate into their news broadcasts, I'm not going to cry. As for the story in question, I never saw it so I really can't comment on that. But let's just let the news anchors be themselves. If they're funny, let them be funny. The news is always easier to watch when anchors are enjoying themselves.

"I think there ought to be a statute of limitations as to how long people can keep up their outdoor Christmas decorations and lights. Either take them down by January 31 or go to jail. I mean, come on. It's almost St. Patrick's Day."

A valid point, but one taken too far. I'll put it to you this way: my neighbors on the northern side have had their lights up since we moved in here last March (more on this in a little bit) and somehow, if they've been up that long, they probably aren't going to come down anytime soon. It wouldn't be so bad, but they didn't exactly decorate very well to begin with. Anyway, yes, it's a bit in bad taste to be leaving holiday decorations up long past the holiday, but no one's dying from it. Jail's a bit extreme if you ask me anyway. Unless you're getting elecrocuted by the lights, let it go.

"I believe that we should resurrect Elliot Ness to clean up this corrupted Cleveland Police Department from top to bottom."

I'm not even touching this one. Yes, there are problems in the Cleveland Police force, but it doesn't involve everyone and has been blown out of proportion by the media, like is usually the case. I do believe things need to be changed, but the whole department isn't corrupt.

"Why are jelly and jam jars tall and thing? When you get near the bottom, your knives and fingers get sticky. Why not make your jars short and squat?"

People, how much free time do we really have? And why haven't you figured out that all you have to do is turn the damn jar at an angle to get most of it out when it runs low? There are five year olds who know how to do this, yet grown people can't figure this shit out? Are we now flunking kindergarten on top of everything else?

"I'd like to see mandatory seminars legally for baggers at supermarkets. For instance, you don't put tomatoes under a 10-pound bag of potatoes."

I seriously doubt that a bagger making minimum wage gives two shits about your potatoes and tomatoes to begin with. Give them some incentive to work hard (like more pay) and they might start caring. In the meantime, grow up and worry about more important things.

Sometimes I really wonder how some people make it through the day to begin with. On another note, I just realized that we've been living here for almost a year now (I moved in last March 7 or something like that). So far, so good despite the occasional moments of craziness. I'm established in a new house and a new job, so that's probably why things have been so much better.

So here's to surviving my first year in Cleveland. Hopefully I won't get killed tomorrow for saying that.