MY LIFE - MARCH

Tuesday, March 6, 2001

I must have grown up in a completely different era than today's high school students. Granted, the things going on that are most troublesome started popping more when I was a senior in high school, but even so, I look at high schools today and can't believe things that I see.

Just yesterday saw another school shooting, this time in a high school in a suburb of San Diego, California. Two more teenagers dead and several others injured. It's absolutely baffling to me how these things continue to happen, but that's more because I never had the frame of mind these teens who do these things have.

The shooter in this latest incident was once again a kid out didn't fit in. He was considered nerdy and was even picked on by other kids who got picked on a lot. He was apparently at the bottom of the high school food chain, a place no teen wants to be. He obviously wasn't happy there as evidenced by this shooting, but how he thought things were so bad that shooting people up he might not have even known was an answer is so far beyond me that I can't begin to understand it.

I didn't have it easy in high school, but nor did I have it bad. I was one of the kids who got along with everyone and had virtually no trouble at all. I never got into fights and no one ever hated me so much that they wanted to torment me. When I was in middle school, that's when things were bad. I was picked on and treated as bad as you can be treated.

Using a gun to get revenge never entered my mind, nor did suicide. I never contemplated these things because they just weren't options. What would killing another student solve? Sure, the tormentor's gone, but now I'm going to jail. Doesn't seem like a plausible trade-off if you ask me. Maybe this young man thought he might get away with it. How, I don't know.

But it makes no sense.

It also makes no sense why the media has to continually analyze these things like it isn't obvious why it's happening. These shootings are happening because kids feel disconnected from their peers and don't know how to handle it. They get picked on relentlessly, but rather than find a peaceful solution, they think of shooting their tormentors first. Popular culture encourages violence and I can see how a disenchanted teen might think that violence is the only way.

The constant tormenting plus the violent pop culture is what seems to be leading to these shootings, although I can't say that's the case in every situation. The teens could be mentally ill, but I have serious reservations about that one considering how these things seem to be planned most of the time. A mentally ill person isn't that capable of meticulously planning something like a shooting.

What I find disturbing is that other teens often know that a peer is ready to do something like a shooting or setting up bombs. They know that a student is unstable, yet they don't tell anyone. In the case of the most recent shooting, at least two people knew about this teen's plan before he carried it out, yet they said nothing. Those students and maybe more won't be going back to that school. Some people even think that those kids who knew about this had something to do with it.

What the media and mainstream America doesn't seem to realize is that society is more volatile today than it was several years ago. Bullying is just as bad, if not worse now then when today's parents were in school. Schools don't often take enough measures to try and stop bullying, then bite the bullet (no pun intended) when something bad happens.

Teens will never all get along. Reading the forums in Cleveland Live will tell you that. For weeks different teens from different schools have been bashing each other on the teen forum. That will never change. How schools handle situations like this needs to change. Security needs to be stepped up. Cameras and metal detectors are needed.

Most importantly, and this was actually mentioned in the media reports (the only thing they got right), other students need to speak up if they know of something that could happen. The best deterrent is another student.

Or would you rather watch more students die?

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I've deleted a couple more names off my buddy list, and the list is now down to about 5 names when it once had about 15. I don't know if some people really think I'm serious about this or not, but I'm really not concerned with that at this point. I just know that for now, a lot of people aren't writing me back still so I feel no reason to keep them on my buddy list, especially since I'm not online much when they might be.

I don't like doing this either. There are a couple people I'd rather not lose track of, but if they don't feel it necessary to talk to me or write to me, then it's kind of silly for me to keep trying. It's a waste of everyone's time and I'm no longer going to do it. I'm just not going to keep writing people who have no intention of writing me back.

What's baffling is that most people just stopped writing and talking to me. No reason has ever been given and I can't get them to write me back, so I can't guess on it either. All I can figure is that they've met more important people than me and therefore, I'm no longer a priority. Which is fine. I understand that. I myself just met a girl who's really fun to talk to and who I feel a good connection with. I'm not going to shove people completely aside, but I'm not going to pretend like she doesn't exist. If she and I start dating, she's going to be the top priority. I don't give a fuck what other people think about that either.

I'm not going to play secret with this either. If she and I become more than friends, then the people I talk to will know about this and have to understand that she's more important now. I'm not going to block people out. I'm just going to be more focused on her and devote the little free time I have towards her. I've only been talking to her for a week, so it's not like I'm assuming something's going to happen with this. I'm hoping something does, but even if we just stay friends, that will be good enough for me.

So that's the gist of what's going on now. I have scanned up more pictures, but when I'm going to be posting them is up in the air right now. I'm thinking about putting them in an entry in the near future, but I'm not entirely sure yet.

I have more important things to deal with in my life now.