Sunday, July 4, 2004
I didn't write for about three days because our internet has a tendency to act funny sometimes. How so? Like not work at all kind of funny, leaving my mom and myself to scratch our collective heads and try and figure out what the problem is. Then, it starts working again. Don't know why either.
So if there was any question as to why I hadn't written anything, that's why. That, and even if I did have the opportunity, I didn't feel the need to write anything. I had a lot on my mind, but didn't know how to put those thoughts into proper words. There are a few things bothering me right now, and while most of it is very minor, one thing is quite serious and has the potential to become a major problem in the near future.
I'm still also trying to figure out how to utilize this site better now that I'm aware that Molly is checking this site quite regularly. There is the possibility that I could use this site to convey how I might feel about her or something she did since I seem to have the occasional problem putting thoughts into words when I'm around her. It could very well be a useful thing to have when trying to get across to her how I might feel about something.
Some things are a given. She knows I like her a lot. I hope she realizes that I do care about her a lot and it's nice that she's starting to talk to me more about what's bothering her instead of keeping it in. It makes me feel like she truly does trust me every time she does that. On the occasions where she isn't willing to do so, I bought her a stress-release toy to use instead. She seemed to like it, which was the idea.
The girl is amazing to me. I still can't get over just how pretty a girl she is. I do hope she at least gets a little used to me looking at her because it's hard not to. I am someone who likes to look at a girl when she's pretty and I'm with her. There's no other reason for it. It is a bit frustrating when she seems to get a little annoyed with it because I'm not trying to make her feel anything other than appreciated. She is a very beautiful girl and that's the only reason I'd keep looking at her.
I think she's finally starting to see a little more of what I'm like though, how I can be. I had the best feeling last night when I left her house, not just because I was able to spend some time with her, but because she seemed to genuinely like that I got her flowers and the stress release. I felt good knowing that I did something that she liked. I like that feeling, but I'm still trying to get an idea of what she likes and doesn't like.
She still does seem to hesitate with opening up to me, but that's something that's going to come with time as she's more and more comfortable with me and trusts me more. I know she trusts me, but it's not complete yet. But it does seem like things are moving in the right direction.
I feel bad for her though. It's one of those cases where the parents are overprotective of her and it's hard for me to understand why they'd be like that. I know part of why I don't understand it is because my mom gave me free reigns to do what I like once I turned 18. No curfew, nothing because my mom knows I'm not stupid enough to get into any serious trouble.
I know Molly wouldn't do anything stupid either, but her parents seem to think otherwise. I'm not really in a position to judge them because I don't live there or know them well enough, but it stresses her out and like anyone else who's stressed, she's more challenging to deal with. I'm not trying to make it sound like she's a pain in the ass when she's stressed, but she's less likely to talk to me when she's stressed.
On top of it all, she doesn't get a lot of sleep and this worries me more than anything else. It's almost to the point where I'm ready to just let myself out when I go over there after I put her to sleep, much like I used to do with Megan. When I used to go to Megan's, I'd sit with her in her room until she fell asleep, then I'd make sure everything else was set, leave, and lock the door on my way out.
If she does end up getting her own place, I'll definitely be doing that. I don't want to be feeling responsible for keeping her up, something I can't say now. I do feel like it's partly my fault.
All in all, I do feel like progress is being made. My ultimate goal with Molly is to be dating her soon, but I need to stay patient with her and just continue to do the things I'm capable of doing. I do that and I'm sure she'll want to date me too.
I just need to be patient with her. She's going through some motions right now and the best thing I can do is just be there when she needs me to. So when I say this, I'm talking directly to you Molly.
Whenever you need to talk, call or text. Unless I'm at work, I'll be right there whenever you need me. If I'm at work, I'll get back at you as soon as I can. I care about you. Believe that.
It's the fourth of July, but I don't know if I really want to go see fireworks this year. I wanted to go last night with Molly, but circumstances beyond our control prevented that. I don't want to go without her either, especially since she's working. I might seem silly, but I'd feel guilty if I got to see them and she didn't. It's also something that I just want to do with her. If she's not working late Monday, Strongsville's doing their fireworks tomorrow night so that's always possible, but I don't know.
The only problem I have with this time of year is that everyone keeps letting little kids handle fireworks even though every year there's a story on the news about some kid blowing his or her hand off with said fireworks.
There was a kid in Lorain who blew off most of his hand a few days ago playing with fireworks that his dad gave him. What are we that stupid? Why don't you just give him a gun and tell him to ahead and fire a few rounds.
If there's any wonder why this country is such a mess, it's right out there in the open. We let kids play with explosives. What a wonderful way to spend a holiday too. A few hours in the emergency room while little Johnny gets his fingers sewn back on. That's my idea of fun.
I love fireworks as much as the next person and have shot them off myself, but I would never let anyone under 15 handle them. It's just asking for trouble. Yet this type of thing happens every year all across the country. It's the old "it won't happen to us, it happens to the other guy" principle. It's also known as the "duh you fucking moron" principle.
I just find it impossible to understand why this continues to happen. Just yesterday I drove by a group of, oh, probably 8-10 year-olds playing with fireworks in the street. This would be the equivalent of playing with a gun after you drank a bottle of arsenic while high. If the poison doesn't get you, you'll probably shoot someone or yourself anyway.
In other words, it's completely dumb.
Let's be smart and leave the fireworks to the professionals. At least when they fuck up, you can sue them for everything they got.
I was surprised to see that four Indians were picked to go to the All-Star Game as reserves. Not surprising because they didn't deserve it, but surprising because I didn't think anyone outside of Cleveland really noticed what was going on here. Simply put, this team is going to be scary good come next year if this pattern of improvement holds true.
For those who care, the four picked were catcher Victor Martinez, second baseman Ronnie Belliard, left fielder Matt Lawton, and pitcher C.C. Sabathia.
Congratulations and let's hope the rest of the season goes well.
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