MY LIFE - JULY

Wednesday, July 17, 2002

It's very rare that we have a good day at work anymore. Not only do a lot of things have to fall into place (moons and planets and all that astrological bullshit), but everyone has to be in a good mood, or at least be semi-slap happy.

Now before I get into the hijinks of yesterday (no other word can be used to describe the day), let me add that today was a pretty good day, albeit with a few more problems. The day went by fast, we all were all joking around about just about everything, and there was very little going on to aggravate us.

Okay, now back to yesterday. I knew that it was going to be an interesting day when I walked in at 10am and was wide awake. I knew it was going to be a really strange day when I walked into the pharmacy and everyone back there was awake, Jim and Nate (our pharmacists), along with Peggy, Roberta, and our intern, Susan.

Then I looked at our piggy bank, which is appropriately enough a pig, and noticed it had sunglasses on to compliment the smiley face that had been drawn onto the band-aid covering the rear-end of the pig.

I guess I should explain this as well. About two and a half weeks ago, Jim decided to draw an asshole on the pig as a joke. One of our techs, Jean, put a band-aid on the pig and wrote a note, "Please do not violate the pig!" that was placed in front (or back) of the pig.

Anyway, this pig's butt now had a smiley face and sunglasses and it was about to get weirder. By the middle part of the day, Jim suddenly had one of those spur of the moment thoughts that he's prone to getting. Earlier he had bought Susan a bag of almond M&M's because he ate all of them from her last bag. Well, he thought it would be funny if we taped a brown almond M&M to the back of the pig.

The son of a bitch actually did it too. He took the band-aid off, threw the note away, and taped an M&M to the pig, making it look like it was taking a shit. Then Nate suddenly came up with the idea of placing an M&M on the ground, which eventually evolved into two M&M's being placed on the counter behind the pig.

At the time, this was so juvenile it was hilarious. We were laughing so hard, then Nate pulled out our trusty fart machine (yes, we have one of those in our pharmacy) and we got going on that kick again.

This was how the day went. Every couple of minutes, Jim or Nate (or both) were coming up with things that were so insanely stupid, they were funny. Four different times I was laughing so hard I was crying. Four times in one day. That's how out there everyone was. Nothing was sacred. Susan got it the worst at the end when Nate started mocking her when she complained about something minor in her pay.

His best line? Right after he started mocking her complain about how long it took to get a check when she came back, he fired back, in a whiny voice, "Oh, and expect to get paid too!" The way he said it made it about three times as funny as it probably should've been, but it was the back-breaker.

Not often do we have that much fun at work.

Today, while not as much laughing, was still a good day. Jim was being weird as usually, and Steve actually pitched in a little with the jokes. It didn't help that it was relatively slow again today, but I'll take a slow day where we laugh a lot over a busy day where we're frustrated.

It's always easier to work in that store when everyone's in a good mood, which has been the case the last couple days.

I do have to say something regarding our tech Heather. Let's get one thing clear, the girl is gorgeous. There's no doubt about it. However, she'd drive me completely crazy in any kind of relationship, so that actually makes her less attractive.

Problem number one, she does not shut up. Ever. I've heard girls talk on and on about things before, but at least sometimes it's something that you can actually be interested in. With her, it's the most useless piece of information ever and she talks so damn fast, you miss half of what she said anyway.

I don't even mind when a girl talks a lot. It's just easier when it's something that you can understand. I don't know about you, but listening to her talk about how all these guys tell her how good looking she is just kind of makes me fall asleep.

Problem number two, she's really flaky. By that, I mean she's one of those girls who will drop a guy at the drop of a dime for something really stupid or shallow, like another guy. She's gone from staying with her boyfriend even while at college to breaking up with him and already going on a date with a guy from the school she's going to. She hadn't even broke up with her boyfriend and she had already messed around with other guys. That to me is just terrible.

Problem number three, her attention span when she's not talking is about half a second, or the amount of time it takes you to try and utter a word in response to what she's said. Before you can even breathe in to get ready for your sentence, she's talking about something else or has walked away to share her wealth of knowledge with some other lucky soul.

All that aside, she's a nice girl, she really is. She smiles a lot and she's always in a good mood when she comes into work. She just needs to slow it down a little.

---

Being a huge Indians fan, this season has been a pretty tough one. I'll admit I've been spoiled by year after year of good baseball. I'm also one of the very few who continues to have an optomistic view on the club despite all the things that have happened over the course of this season. Yes, the team has a sub-.500 record, yes, they've really struggled to score at times, but this team has never given up, no matter what. Roberto Alomar, Juan Gonzalez, Kenny Lofton, and Marty Cordova gone? They start the season 11-1. Bartolo Colon traded? C.C. Sabathia comes out in his next start and throws a gem. Charlie Manuel fired as manager? They earn a split with the Yankees in a four game series, the two wins coming against the best closer in baseball.

Trainer Jimmy Warfield's death may have rocked the team the hardest though. They've lost both games since then, showing very little outside of some decent offense and seem to be playing with the heavy hearts that they have. Warfield had been with the club 32 years and his death was very sudden, very out of the blue. He collapsed Monday and died Tuesday afternoon.

This has been one of those years in baseball though. Darryl Kile's death was one of the most unexpected things ever. I still have trouble believing it happened since I always admired Kile as a player and as a human. His death followed the death of legendary broadcaster Jack Buck, which left St. Louis reeling that week. It's hard enough to lose one member of the family, it's even harder when another falls.

Ted Williams recently passed away as well, quite possibly the best hitter to ever play the game and the last man to ever bat .400 in a single season. He was one of the most respected players ever to play the game and was still receiving the respect in his last days.

The All-Star game was called after 11 innings in a 7-7. I understand the positions of both sides. The two sides had used all their players and didn't want to risk injury. The fans wanted to see what had been the best game in years decided on the field. Neither side won in this one, which was too bad. It was a great game.

The Montreal Expos traded for a star player instead of unloading one, which had been custom. They may be out of the race for the National League East, but they're still more competitive than anyone thought, especially after nearly being contracted in the offseason. Same for the Minnesota Twins, who've taken a firm hold over the American League Central.

The game of baseball has been quite unusual this season, but that's why I look at it as the best sport on the planet. Anything can, and does, happen.

---

I often think back to my childhood and wonder what would have happened if I had made different decisions during pivotal moments in my life. I wonder, if I had done this instead of that, how different would things have been.

The biggest thing I think about is what would I have been like if my dad hadn't been abusing drugs or alcohol and had actually been a normal dad, if my family had been a normal, stable family. We would've had more money, that's for sure. My dad didn't exactly make minimum wage as an ironworker.

I would've had better things than I had. My clothes would've been better instead of the hand-me-downs that I often received. I wouldn't have had the generic shoes, I would have had the actual name-brand shoes that everyone else coveted.

I would've learned some of the more important things pertaining towards being a guy earlier in my life in a much easier fashion, rather then on the fly as I've been forced to (let's just say a lot of personal things I had to learn on my own). I probably wouldn't have been shy since a lot of my shyness was from how my dad treated me, which was pretty shitty. I wouldn't have been afraid of people, I would've been easier to get along with and wouldn't have been singled out like I was.

I think about that stuff, not because that's how I want things to have been. No, I don't sit there and wish things were like that, just wonder about it a little. My personality has been shaped by my experiences, experiences that wouldn't have happened in a normal family. I can say with some certainty that I wouldn't be the same guy I am today. I wouldn't be as understanding, as calm, as easy to get along with as I am. I know it.

I wouldn't have as much respect for women as I have if I didn't have my childhood experiences. Growing up almost exclusively with three women teaches you a lot, more than I probably ever wanted to learn, but stuff that's proven pivotal to my survival in some cases.

I'm a late bloomer. I have no problem with that. Yes, it's taken me over 21 years to really come into my own, but I feel that it's happening. I'm not scared of people and some of the situations I might get into anymore. I'm not some shy little boy anymore. I can look at a pretty girl and hold the eye contact. That's huge for me since I could never do that before.

I can talk to a girl that's attractive like it's nothing. I get along with most people that I come across and I'm more willing to trust people then I've ever been in my life ever.

I'm still a freaking smartass, but I've toned it down a bit over the last couple years. I'm still liable to nail you with a comment from time to time, but I don't spend my entire day thinking of smart things to say to people anymore. I haven't been called the peanut gallery in almost a year now. It used to be a regular occurence.

I'm always going to be reflective of things. It's just me. I'm always going to be looking back at something that happened and analyze it. It's one of my strengths. I can look at anything that's happened and pick it apart and see just how right or wrong my actions, or anyone else's might have been. I can look back at something I did and realize it was a mistake, why it was a mistake, and just where it might have gone wrong.

I can look at any single event and see all sides of it. If there's an argument, I can see the opposing view's side. I can see how people come to their conclusions. That way, I can understand how they might think.

Do I overanalyze? You better believe it. But that's me. It can even be something miniscule, something unimportant in the day, but I'll start thinking about it, wondering how it might have come out different.

Take for instance I have a bad customer and I say something that's meant well, but is taken wrong. I will sit down later in the day and try and see why it went wrong, why the customer reacted the way he or she did. I then keep that in mind for the next time, in which I handle it slightly different with a better result.

I'm fucking anal like that. I think about shit. Everything that happens, every person I come in contact with, I've thought about. I consider what could happen in the future, I consider what happened in the past, I just think about shit.

I know it drives some of y'all crazy too. I've been yelled at for thinking too much. I know it happens. I'm thinking too much right now. I get shit on my mind though. I never really had a person I could talk to when I had something on my mind, so I always thought about it instead. That's why when I do have someone to talk to, I don't necessarily do it. It's not because I don't want to, it's just that I grew up handling things like that differently.

I can sit and rack my brain for hours though. I can just sit in one place for hours and think about shit and not even realize it. There's that much going on. Sorting it out and explaining what's going on is more difficult for me, which is why I very rarely divulge what I was thinking.

If I've had an encounter with you, I've probably thought about it already. If I have a conversation with someone, I'm thinking about it afterwards. I'll sit and think about that asshole I ran into while driving who couldn't decide which way to go. I'll think about it because it's something I'm good at.

Kind of like this writing shit.

So yeah, I'm anal about shit like that. It's just like when someone tries to make fun of me or put me down over something like this site. I'll think about it, but it isn't going to change how I do things or how I present things. If you seriously think that saying something mean to me is going to affect me, then you've already played into my hands.

I often get the last laugh, even if it is unintentional.

Then I'll think about that.