Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Today as a general was not a good day. Work sucked, I didn't get to see Jessica like I had hoped to, and it just was one of those days where nothing really seemed to go the way it should have gone.

I think by now we know why work wasn't good. It involves Keith and I really don't care to talk about how I spent all day at drop-off by myself because he kept disappearing. It also involves a headache, but that was brought on by customers being idiots in addition to Keith.

Then I get home from work and call Jessica like I had said I would since we were going to go see a movie tonight. At least in theory we were. When I did get a hold of her, I found out she had been called into work to do some overnight work and she wasn't exactly tickled with the idea of doing that.

I am supposed to see her tomorrow though, so it should be okay. I want her to meet my mom and my friend Mike, two people very important to me. I also just want to see her. I haven't been able to see her since our date Saturday and I'm really missing the girl right now. The impression was that strong.

There were a couple of bright points in the day though. Sarah was goofy at work, so that made the day go by a little easier, at least when I wasn't running my damn ass off trying to do the work of two people. The Indians beat up on Detriot 10-6, so that made the night better. I also got a surprise phone call from a friend of mine that I hadn't talked to in a while, so it was nice to catch up with them for a while.

It just was a blah kind of day though. The weather hasn't been too good the last few days and I think it's starting to bother me a little bit. I also miss Jessica, so that's not helping either. I don't even really have much to write about, I just feel like I need to write to maybe ease my mind a bit and relax.

I have been bothered by some things I've done in the last few months, hell, the last two years in reading older entries. I've reread most of them and have found a few things that could come across as disturbing.

One, and this is mostly a product of the last month or so, I've been way too quick to jump to conclusions with people around me. This hurt me tremendously with Molly as I thought there was something more to "us" than there actually was. It doesn't matter if I feel like I was led on now, I still read way too much into how she was behaving around me, both positively and negatively.

I have complained way too much about things that weren't worth complaining about. Yes, this is a place to vent, but I haven't been very constructive in how I vent. Basically, I've let things get to me that wouldn't normally get to me.

While much of what I've written about in the past was maybe a little justified, I still get too carried away with what I'm writing about. I write too much about people that mean something to me, and too often it's come across in a bad way. Even the most innocent statement can be construed as an insult if taken the wrong way by someone.

I worry about this a bit with Jessica because I do feel like I've found the perfect girl for me. The last thing that I'd want to have happen is me write about something involving her, her to get the wrong message (however unlikely that may be), and get mad at me.

In a way, I can't help but feel this happened with Molly, but I don't think she was ever comfortable with what I wrote about her in here, even when I was praising her.

With Molly, she couldn't understand how I could like someone so quickly. Jessica wasn't like that with me. If anything, she made it clear that she liked me enough to date me and was all for dating the first night we were together. Molly isn't and probably will never be like that. It's not that it's a bad thing either, but I do feel like she was too guarded about herself. With Jessica, I've learned a lot about her and feel so much more comfortable with her than I ever felt with Molly.

I do owe it to Jessica to plan things better. I know I haven't had much experience with this sort of thing, and maybe it's apprehension of me maybe wanting to do something that she wouldn't like to do, but I have to get past that. There are a lot of things we could do together and I need to take advantage of that with her, show her a good time, and prove to myself that I'm capable of showing a girl a good time.

I do know what I want to do tomorrow with her. It all depends on how everything breaks down though. If I hear from her soon enough in the day, I think it can be pulled off. If not, I have a plan b ready.

Getting back to what I had been saying moments ago, it's clear that Jessica's comfortable with me and likes who I am. I think she's benefiting from reading my web site and seeing what makes me go before we really were talking a lot. I will give her this much credit: she knew what she wanted and she went after it even though I hesitated initially. I thought she'd be someone who I could be friends with, but the uncertainty with her looks kept me from saying right away that I'd date her.

Upon seeing her and being around here, that changed. I got lost in her eyes, fell for her smile, and just absolutely adored so much about her that I felt like I wanted to date this girl. That said, I only asked her out because she made it abundantly clear that she wanted that with me.

With Molly, it never even approached that point of comfort. Jessica and I can talk about things because Jessica doesn't just ask about my day, she asks for specifics. If I tell her it was a bad day, she wants to know details on why it was bad. Molly never did. It's that extra mile that Jessica has gone that's made all the difference in the world for me. I know she cares.

She's smart, she's attractive, and she cares. There isn't a whole lot more to ask for from a girl.

There is a matter of meeting her parents however. I'm both nervous and excited at this prospect because I've never actually had a formal meeting of a girl's parents. I'm excited because I know that I'm a decent guy and I know that I'll make a good impression, opening things up for the relationship to further blossom.

I'm nervous because, well, it's meeting the parents. I have no idea really what to expect or know what will really happen. But I'm not nervous enough to freak out about it, just anticipate it.

I want in the end for her parents to realize that I am a good guy who's going to treat their daughter with the utmost respect and be the best man that I can be.

I feel I will give that impression. I have no reason to think otherwise.

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