Wednesday, July 28, 2004
I was reminded of something when I had a conversation with Molly online today involving girls I know getting cats. This really isn't that long or really hard to explain, but it gave me a good idea for the start of an entry and a title, which I seem to struggle with on a regular basis.
Bear with me as I try to explain this.
Last year during the month of May I believe, I was with Megan and things were going well. Other than a brief "I want a baby" phase, things were progressing at a nice clip.
Then she decided that she wanted a cat. She somehow conned me into taking her to a pet store, and on top of that, convinced me that I should buy the cat on the idea that it would stay with me since her mom would kill her.
Somewhere along the way, she changed her mind, took the kitten home, and her mom wasn't exactly thrilled.
Fast forward to this past June. Molly decides that she wants a kitten. I somehow get conned into taking her to the place where she's going to get the kitten, although I didn't have buy it this time and there's no doubt that it's going to be hers.
The only real difference between the two situations to this point is that Megan and I were dating, Molly and I weren't. Bear this in mind as I continue.
The thing that makes these situations interesting to me is how eerily similar they are to each other and what happened in the time following the kittens' arrival.
Megan's mom was pissed, telling Megan no way. Molly's mom looked like her heart was going to stop. In both cases, both girls were told no way on keeping the kitten.
After a little while, both moms agreed to let the kitten stay, albeit under the condition that it stay in their respective rooms. With both Megan and Molly, this was actually part of the negotiating bargain. In both cases, I felt like an accomplice to a crime.
It gets better though. Trust me.
After Megan got her kitten, I started to feel like I didn't exist when I was over there since she spent so much time playing with Rascal, as was his name. I was almost like a side act in a sense, only needed when Megan wanted to go somewhere.
After Molly got her kitten, Milo, I felt like I really wasn't there when I was with her since her kitten was in a sense her little baby. Again, I felt like a side act.
Shortly after Megan got her kitten, she broke up with me, moved to Virginia, and eventually married the man she went out with that she had met down there on a vacation while we were still dating.
Shortly after Molly got her kitten (this is the worst use of english ever), her interest in me waned considerably, she eventually met another guy while I was still (weakly) courting her, and I became just another one of the guys she knows.
It's quite interesting to me how similar these two situations actually are. I am now fully aware that if I'm ever with a girl and she wants me to go with her to get a kitten to just say no. In a sense, it feels like a curse. Get a kitten with a girl and watch things go up in flames.
In all fairness though, Megan and I are still good friends. We talk on a fairly consistent basis. Whether that becomes the case with Molly still remains to be seen, but we shall see in the long run how that goes.
I hope I learned a lesson after that though.
Today, all in all, was a pretty good day. Granted, I was awakened by my cell phone ringing around 11am or so, but it was just Sarah asking me if I wanted to get lunch with her since she still owed me for making her a few cd's in the last couple of months.
I picked her up around 1 and we went to Applebee's to eat. It was a good lunch and we talked about a lot of things. I think Sarah was surprised at some things she learned about me and I was a bit surprised at what I learned about her. The weirdest thing? She said that she and her "friend" had an agreement that if they weren't married by 29 to someone that they'd marry each other. The weird thing? She said I was her back-up plan. Lord help me. I think she was kidding. I hope she was kidding. Please, let her be kidding.
I understood what she was saying though. She admitted she was jealous of me because I told her about Jessica and how much I liked her. She also said she was happy for me, that I deserved to find a great girl. I didn't exactly argue with her on that one. I feel like I deserved a great girl like Jessica too.
We then stopped at a playground on the way back to her house to sit on the swings and talk more. In a sense, it was a revealing day with Sarah as I really found out a lot of things about her that I didn't expect. It wasn't anything particularly strange, but I definitely found myself with a new level of respect for Sarah. Underneath the party-girl persona that she has most of the time, she's just looking for the same thing we all want and that's a stable relationship. She admitted that she wanted to date her friend, but she wasn't sure enough about him to actually go through with it.
I know I talked about Jessica a lot, and realizing that Sarah is becoming a great friend, I know I need to have them meet. Not just so that Sarah can put a face on the girl I'm with, but so that Jessica can see why I've become such good friends with Sarah.
Now all that said, I don't look at Sarah as more than a friend and not just because I'm with Jessica. Sarah is one of those people where it just works better as a friendship and I wouldn't want to jeopardize that in any way. Even if I wasn't already seeing Jessica, I wouldn't date Sarah. She's still a bit too wild for my own good and I know I'd have trouble trusting her, something that's important to me.
Sarah, like Megan, is a great friend. She's also a drinking buddy. However, I don't think I'll be doing that as much now since I have a tendency to become singularly focused on a girl when I'm dating her, such as with Jessica. If I have to choose between going out with Sarah or going out with Jessica, it's Jessica every time. In a perfect world, Jessica goes out with me and my friends, but I don't know if I'd want that. Sarah and her friends get a little crazy, almost to the point where I can't handle it. I wouldn't want Jessica in a position where she was uncomfortable in any situation.
However, lunch was good, the talk was good, and now Sarah really wants to meet Jessica.
I did get to spend time with Jessica tonight, and let me tell you, the girl rocks my socks. I will admit, I looked at her a few times while we were at the movies just because I do find her to be that attractive. The movie was funny as hell too, so if you want to see a funny movie, go see "Anchorman."
After the movie, we stood near our cars and just talked for a little. Let me tell you, the more I talk to her, the more I like her, the more I feel like this is the right one for me. I mean, I felt that the first night we were on a date, but it was stronger and stronger as the night went on tonight. I really am falling hard for her and know it won't be long before I can honestly I feel like it is definitely love.
I already think it is, but I don't want to get so far ahead of things that I just say it because I want to. And believe me, I want to. However, I learned a valuable lesson from my first relationship in something that was said to me. I was told back then never to say something unless you mean it, and that includes that magical phrase "I love you." Don't say it until you're absolutely sure.
I also don't want to feel like I'm flying into this without any thought about what I'm doing or what I want out of this. As always when dealing with a relationship, the ultimate goal is to look at the girl and see marriage in the future. However, you can't lose sight of how things are going at the current point in time and try to make something happen that isn't ready to happen.
So as much as I want to tell Jessica that line, I'm not going to do it until I'm absolutely sure of what I feel and that the time is right.
I have way too much respect for her, although when I look in her eyes, I think I see the same thing in her that she sees in mine. So it may not be a stretch to say that she feels as strongly about me as I do her.
I do admire her a lot. I knew I would find her special the night I was asking her questions about herself and read her answers before even meeting her. I asked specific questions about her to gauge what she thought about herself, what she was like, and anything else I could think of to give me any possible hints or even warning signs. Suffice to say I didn't see any red flags come up when she answered, and in the time that I've had with her, the attraction has grown tremendously.
I can also honestly say that if I saw her walking somewhere and didn't know her, I'd give her a second look. One thing I learned in life is that the best girls aren't usually the ones who are considered the hottest for whatever reason it may be. I've learned that the real skinny girls who parade themselves around aren't usually girls that are trustworthy, nor are they interested in me to begin with because most of those girls are looking for built guys and I'm not that type of guy.
Jessica is a pretty girl. She's a very classy-looking girl, something that I really like about her. I love how pretty her face is, how pretty her eyes are, and her personality makes her that much prettier to me.
I can't say that enough, although I'm sure I have.
She's someone I can trust. She's someone who will be faithful. She's someone I can love without worry. I hope that she can say the same for me. I know there will be reason to if I'm out with Sarah and not with Jessica, but I already know that I'll be calling her regularly to say hi to her and let her know I am thinking about her. It's who I am and I don't want her to ever doubt that I'm being faithful.
I know in my heart I couldn't cheat or consider it anyway, but I want her to be sure of that without a shadow of a doubt as well. This girl's happiness is what I'm going to live for as long as I'm her boyfriend and anything I can do to make sure she's happy is what I'm going to do.
Honestly? I can see myself with her for a long time. I can see her being the girl that I spend the rest of my life with. She's made that much of an impression on me and how much she seems to care about me.
I had a great time with her. I intend to have a great time with her Friday night. This is real. This is what I've been waiting for. She's been what I've been waiting for.
I don't intend on losing her for any reason.
I want to say something in here about what I wrote yesterday when I compared Molly and Jessica. The way it was done, it may have come across as me criticizing Molly. I wasn't. I should've written a reason why I felt the way I felt about that situation as I was explaining the differences. In the end, it could have been perceived as me portraying Molly in a negative light and that's not the case.
Things just never clicked between us and that's how it was meant to be. Judging from her profile on aim, I think she's found a guy she wants and if that's the case, I wish her the best. I don't hate the girl. I'm not upset over anything that happened. I made a comparison and I didn't word it properly, that's all.
I just don't want there to be any misconception of how I feel towards Molly. I want that to be clear. She at the root of everything is a good girl who deserves to find the right guy for her. It wasn't me and I know this. I have the girl I want now and am moving on as is she (albeit with a guy in her case).
I'd just hate to have that taken the wrong way, that's all.
Some other notes from the day that was...the alternative title for today was going to be "the gift and the curse," but I realized that it was subtitle for a Jay-Z album and it really kind of sounded stupid. I also considered "the curse and the gift" but decided to stick with "the curse" even though the entry wasn't just about the cat thing above. Okay, I'm done with that...The Indians are now 52-50 after beating Detroit 5-4 on Casey Blake's homerun in the sixth inning. Scott Elarton got the win, his first in 18 starts and Bob Wickman got his first save in over two years. This could be an interesting end to the season after all...A great joke in the movie "Anchorman" occurs at the end when they're recapping how the various characters' careers finished up. I forget his name, but the one that was "mentally challenged" was said to be working as a top aid in the Bush Administration. As a non-supporter of Bush, this joke was very funny to me...I am once again going to say here that if anyone wishes to contribute a column to this web site, feel free to contact me about it. I've tried in the past to get people to do so and no one ever has, but I'm going to give it another crack. Maybe this time y'all will come through and give this site some outside opinions...I'm going to attempt to resume Tribe Watch for the rest of this season. What can I say? This team has me curious.
Tribe Watch 2004
Today's Game
Detroit Tigers, 4
Cleveland Indians, 5
Recap
Scott Elarton won for the first time this season and in his last 18 starts, going seven innings and allowing four runs. The win was made possibly when Casey Blake connected for his 17th home run of the year, a two-run shot off of Jamie Walker. Bob Wickman pitched a perfect ninth for his first save since 2002.
Notes
The Indians are two games over .500 for the first time since they were 13-11 in 2002, the year that began the rebuilding process...Blake's home run tied his total for all of last year...The Indians finished up the homestand at 6-3 despite the stand beginning with the two whippings at the expense of the Chicago White Sox...Grady Sizemore went 1-2 with two walks, raising his on-base percentage over .500 in his short time in the majors. The hit in the game was a hustle hit on a grounder to first. Sizemore certainly seems to be worth the hype.
Record
52-50; 3rd place; 5.5 games back
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