MY LIFE - OCTOBER

Tuesday, October 8, 2002

Let's just face the facts. Cleveland Browns fans are NOT the best fans in football. If there was any doubt about this, it was erased Sunday night in an embarrassing loss to the Baltimore Ravens. It's bad enough that the Browns lost to the Ravens, it's how the fans reacted to the night.

I'm a huge Tim Couch fan. I believe he is fully capable of running this team. Anyone who watched him during the preseason knows he can do it. He got hurt, missed two weeks, and is then expected to play up to the exaggerated levels set by the fans. Kelly Holcomb did play well in his two starts, but he didn't have an elbow problem, did he?

I'm pissed off most how the fans cheered as Couch was in a daze on the sidelines with a concussion. He had to recover a bad snap and then get hit by four, count 'em, FOUR Ravens' defenders who ultimately slammed his head into the turf. The fans reaction? Not stunned silence, but cheers. What the fuck is that? Who the fuck cheers when a player on their hometown team is hurt? Yes the game was ugly, but you CANNOT put this entire game on Couch's shoulders.

I don't give a fuck that he is the quarterback. He can only do so much. Quincy Morgan fumbled once and dropped one other pass. The offense line, well they might as well not even showed up since Couch often had two seconds to get rid of the ball. There were a couple interceptions off deflections, something Couch can't control (Holcomb had one of those). Couch was sacked four times in the first quarter alone. What was he supposed to do? When he wasn't sacked, he was running for his life. How about some protection? It's like 1999 again with this line. The Ravens had their way.

The defense was shit too. 180+ yards to Jamal Lewis? They can stop Jerome Bettis and Eddie George, but they couldn't stop this guy? The pass coverage was awful as well, although Chris Redman made some outstanding throws that no one could defend.

All in all, this was a team loss. It makes no difference that Holcomb came in and everything turned around. It doesn't. That was the first time all game that the Browns used the no-huddle, something that Couch is successful in. I can't figure out why they don't go to that more and I also can't figure out why they try to start Willie Green. Jamel White is much better and everyone knows that.

I'm most pissed about the fans though. Every last fan that cheered when Couch was hurt, you are NOT a true fan. I don't care if you go to every game and follow the team like there's no tomorrow. What you did was a shame, an embarrassment to the city on NATIONAL TV!!! Couch had every right to react the way he did. He did the best he could do and the fans failed him. He didn't fail them. Not at all.

I hope that all of you wake the fuck up. What happened in the stands was more disgraceful than what happened on the field as far as I'm concerned. At least the team on the field didn't quit, unlike the "diehards" in the stands.

Yes, I'm fired up about it. I agree with Couch on everything he says. He should be upset. How is he supposed to perform when he doesn't even have the support of the fans? You all want Joe Montana, but it isn't going to happen as long as this team can't block and can't run.

Face the facts people. Please.

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I came across an old notebook, probably one of the only ones that survived the fire that was from my high school years (I am a pack rat). It was my english journal from my senior of high school, quite possibly the roughest year of my life. In it, there's scarcely any information as I obviously didn't take many notes.

I found the rough outline for one of my short stories that I wrote, a story that actually received a high mark. It was supposedly very original. I came up with a concept where I explained the origin of fads using a group of people called watchers who made sure mankind didn't try to do anything that was original. One watcher decided that something needed to be done and came up with the concept of fads. He felt that the world was too diverse, that people need to try to conform to one another, but only for a short period of time.

I wish I still had the final copy since I can't really remember how it came out. There's a lot of stuff that's like that though. I read notes about how I was going to write a paper and what I was going to discuss. There was one point where I wrote that I didn't need to bullshit, that my ability would allow me to write several pages without problem.

I ended up with a "B" in that class, which was a college level class. I was proud of how well it came out and was proud of my research project. I saw several outlines for analysis of poems and events involving war and terrorism. I saw my notes for our color war project, which was somewhat derailed by Columbine.

I saw notes about the mock USO show that a group of us put together. I was part of it, although I wasn't on-stage since I had wanted no part of it. I was there though assisting the people who had come to see it and was dressed up in appropriate fashion.

English was the high point of my year. No matter how badly everything else was going, I could go to english and no it was going to be okay. There was a diverse group of us in there with our own ideas and my teacher, Mrs. Pinzone was very good at making sure everything ended up okay.

I looked back at it and also remembered how bad things were going. My dad was losing it, my mom was trying to find a way to get us out of there, and I was way overstressed. It was a hard time in life when I really needed a break. My senior wasn't fun. I had to work all the time, causing me to miss prom and all the other things that were supposed to make my senior year good. I didn't have a graduation party and I didn't go to any either.

It wasn't easy, but I don't have any regrets. I continue to believe that things happen for a reason, that no matter what everything will turn out okay. It's not the end of the world. I have faith that things will always work out. If they don't, then that's how it was meant to be.

I had a spirited discussion with someone about faith and religion. I don't believe in religion and I really don't believe in a God. I'm sorry if this offends you, but I just can't buy into the whole idea. That's just how I feel. I don't ask that you agree with me, just respect how I feel. I have respect for those who believe in God and would never sit and say that their beliefs were "stupid" or "misguided." I don't believe that to be true. Everyone believes in something different. I just happen to believe that there isn't a God.

It's sad though when someone overreacts. Not just to religion either, but to anything. You can't tell some people how you feel without them blowing up at you. I've had this happen before and in most cases, all I did was just explain how I was feeling about something, nothing more. It's sad because I'm not trying to piss anyone off. I just want to know what people think about things and why they feel the way they feel.

I've never tried to offend anyone when trying to find out what they believe in, especially in religion.

The only thing I ask in you is don't impose your beliefs on me. Don't make it bad for me to say what I think, but okay for you. Religion is deeply hypocritical as it is. Telling me it's not okay to express my beliefs only reiterates that fact.

Don't EVER accuse me of being a puppet either. My beliefs, my thoughts are my own. Bottom line.

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It's been a very mellow day. My mood was really subdued by the discovery of my notebook and by me posting new pictures on Bolt of the house and of Morgue (if you wish to check out my profile, it's dave103080). I still hate seeing that picture of him, with his paw on my mom's head, knowing that he's not alive anymore, that he had no way of getting out.

Bottom line is the fire is always going to stick with me. No matter how hard I try, I'll never be able to forget what I had and what I lost; what we lost. I hope no one I know ever has to go through that. It's the most helpless feeling you can have.

But life moves on. Tomorrow's a new day. I don't want anyone to think I'm depressed or anything like that. That's not the case. I've just had things on my mind.

Don't be surprised if I post something deep in the next week.