MY LIFE - OCTOBER

Monday, October 23, 2000

My birthday's in one week in case anybody wants to buy me something or say anything. But that's not really going to be the point. In fact, aside from the message on the main page, I don't know if I'll mention it again after today. But my birthday is October 30, and I'll no longer be a teenager. I'll be 20 next Monday. Life is going by too fast. How fast will life go before I'm turning 30 and wondering what happened then?

I don't know. I do know that all these web sites that I've been visiting have left me feeling kind of empty. They don't say anything too often, and when they do try and say something, it comes off as being insincere. Most people seem to enjoy complaining about school, or about the way things go in this country. Nothing more interesting than reading a web site written by someone who wants total anarchy. It's amazing how little people in my generation have to say today aside from the usual schlock of shit.

When you read history books, they're filled with people saying great things, waking up those around them, and having a deep influence on their peers. You see all the great quotes that have come along and how much they're used today. You think about what they said and just how deep and insightful their comments may have been. They can stop you and make you think. The elderly right now are great at that. Lines like this are a prime example: "Anytime you wake up, it's a good day. If you don't, then you just don't give a damn." It doesn't sound like much, but from someone who's older, it means a lot.

I'm just wondering if anyone in my generation will be known for saying something that was intelligent, rather than the usual junk that I hear. When was the last time someone said something that just made you stop and think for a minute, pondering what the person meant? When was the last time you had a discussion on something other than what you were going to do that night or something that is pure material, like clothes and the such? When was the last time you had to stop and think about what a person said?

I do it all the time now. I read Newsweek and come across things all the time. But that's because I like to think about what someone's said and try to see what it may mean to me. That's boredom talking. I remember having a discussion back when I was fifteen on the song "Gangsta's Paradise" by Coolio with my best friend, someone who wasn't known for saying the most intelligent or thoughtful things. We had a long discussion on the song and what it meant.

Am I that old fashioned that I might like that kind of thing? Yeah, I guess so. I guess I'm the kind that likes to have discussions on various things. I don't like talking about the movies, or what's on tv, or what this person said/did to this other person, etc. I don't like gossip. But I'm not talking gossip. Talking about a problem that you had in the past. Discussing something that's bothering you and makes you uneasy. Talking about what your future may hold. I like talking about things like that. I can talk about my past all day, not so much because I'm comfortable with what happened, but because I know I can't change what happened, so what's the harm in letting people know that I didn't have it so easy.

I don't mean to try and sound intellectual. I don't mean to sound like that kind of thing doesn't exist. I'm sure it does. I'm sure that at some point you've listened to someone say something and it's struck a chord with you. Just a year and a half ago, while I was still in high school, we had a speaker come in and talk about drugs and alcohol, but on a more personal level.

He talked about some of the stupid things people have done while intoxicated or high and wanted to know about some of our personal experiences. He asked how many people had a relative cut short due to alcohol and/or drugs. I was one of the people that raised a hand. My uncle died, partly because of his drinking and smoking. He was 35. I believe that was the youngest age that I heard. People who already knew me were surprised to hear about this. They might have known about my dad, but they didn't know this and now they did. They didn't know what to do either.

But the speaker affected me what he said. I was very quiet the rest of the day. What he talked about had hit close to home and I thought about it all day. He made me stop and think. He did what I don't think a lot of people my age are capable of doing. I know I'm wrong about that too. But I haven't heard anything contrary to that notion yet. I don't hear a whole lot about how smart my generation is. I only hear about the problems, the disgraces we've brung onto ourselves.

Will our generation be able to generate quotes and ideas that make those next in line stop and think? Or will be one of the generations that's known for little more than our violent ways and stupid actions? I don't know. I don't really know if I want to know.

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Another disturbing event took place in the Akron area recently. A cheerleader from Connecticut was dancing at a bar when she disappeared, only to wake up in the bathroom vomiting. While at a hospital, it was discovered that she had been raped while apparently being drugged. The idea was that someone slipped something into her drink, causing her to pass out.

This in itself is troubling, but what I read in the Cleveland Live teen forum was even more disturbing. Someone going by the name of "Joey G" wrote that the "chick" got what she deserved and that "chicks" digged getting drugged. He then added that his own "chick" liked to get stoned and have sex, sometimes more than he did.

I don't think this asshole has a clue. He must think that she had been doing drugs voluntarily and that because of that, the rape was inevitable. But to also had that he felt other women enjoy the same thing that happened to this young woman was appalling to me. What he's implying is that women liked to get drugged, then raped. I don't know what sick world this fucker is living in, but I want no part of it.

She did not deserve what happened to her. Yes, she was at a bar (nevermind she's 20), and yes she was dancing with an assistant manager of the bar right before she disappeared. But that doesn't mean she deserved what happened to her. As far as I'm aware, that employee wasn't responsible for what happened to this young woman. She was drugged without her knowing it and taken advantage of while out cold. This is not something that's deserved.

It's a sick and heinous crime that was committed. It's a sick and heinous comment on "Joey G's" part. Then, as if he hasn't done enough damage as it is, he adds that cheerleaders are kind of cheap anyway, especially college cheerleaders. So, not content with bashing a young woman who's been victimized, he now bashes cheerleaders in general.

Thanks a lot. Now I really feel good about my generation. What the fuck is going on with this world?

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Just one final note that I think is worth mentioning. My final day at #4300 in Strongsville is tentatively scheduled to be November 4th. That means next week is my last week working in Strongsville. Then I'm at Berea. I can only say it's about fucking time this got moving. I've only been waiting nearly six months.