MY LIFE - OCTOBER

Tuesday, October 24, 2000

Greetings!

Since Dave is kind of feeling really tired tonight (and since I managed to sneak up here again), I'll do all the work tonight and you can just sit back and read the funny and insightful things that I have to say. Deal? Great, 'cause you didn't have much of a choice. You're stuck with me whether you like it or not.

Oh my have I learned so much in the last few days since you last heard from me. Number one, don't bite on mommy's feet while she's trying to eat breakfast. It doesn't go down really well with her and I get thrown in lockdown for a while. It's not even fair because I don't get a trial or anything. Not even a lawyer to present my side of the story!

It's an honest mistake. They really do look like little sausages to me. So I'm sorry. Don't throw me back in there. I'll take it to the upper court. Hold on...I've been informed that there is no higher court, that this is a dictatorship. I guess the peasants will have to revolt. We'll call it the great kitty rebellion and take over this house, then the neighborhood! Then we'll be able to do whatever we want.

By we, I mean all eight of us cats down here. Me and the other seven. We can do it if we try. I have to seriously question the heart of some of the cats. They seem so interested in keeping these humans happy. I just don't understand it. Just because they feed us, keep our litter boxes clean, and make sure we're healthy doesn't mean I should give up my chance for freedom, right?

Ah, but anyway. I have learned much. There are so many cats to play with down here, but I'm really interested in the two "upstairs." I don't know what anyone's talking about. I've been upstairs. Where are these two cats that everyone talks about? I don't see them, unless I'm missing something, which is just impossible. I'm so smart, how can I miss anything? But I can't find those two other cats. I just don't understand it at all. Is this some sort of sick joke?

But life is good for a kitten like me. I get to run around all I want during the day, plus I get all this attention. This is so fabulous. I mean, these people just can't get enough of me! They must be able to tell that I'm so cute and irresistable. Of course, they shouldn't pay attention to those other cats. All they do is ly around and occasionally play. I play all the time. Of course I'm more fun than the others.

So why do they pay so much attention to the other cats? All Boone does is roll around and get belly rubs. I'm sorry, but if you touch my belly, you're losing some fingers. And Lazarus? What's his deal? He doesn't leave Dave alone for one minute anymore. He just follows Dave all over the place as if he's attached by a leash. How much sense does that make?

Then there's all this talk about Boone and Lazarus going in soon to be "fixed". Just what the hell is that all about? What are they fixing. Do Boone and Lazarus leak or something? Do they squeak too much? A little WD-40 is all you need in that case. Of course, I don't even know what that stuff is. I just heard somewhere it was good for squeaking. This fixing thing scares me. Who is this vet they keep talking about?

Boone isn't telling me, nor is Lazarus. I guess they think that I should be subject to the same treatment they received. Hmph! Like I'm going to let someone "fix" me. There's nothing wrong with me. No shots for me either, unless they're talking about whiskey. I heard somewhere that's good stuff too. If that's the case, then I'm all for getting some shots.

But no fixing. Stay the hell away from me if you even bring that up. Unless you want to lose some feet in the process.