MY LIFE - DECEMBER

Wednesday, December 20, 2000

I am such a waste of space and a waste of a human. I have done absolutely nothing aside from take a bath and take my sister into work at 5pm. That's been it. I haven't gone anywhere, I didn't do anything, I didn't clean up anything, and I forgot to do my laundry which means I have to do it tomorrow before I go to work.

I love not doing anything, but I also feel like such a slob. I mean, if I had any ambition (and face it, a little money), I could've gotten some Christmas shopping done, not that I have a clue what to get my sisters and mom anyway. I didn't even go anywhere to look at anything. The only thing that got accomplished was when I called Norris Ford and set up an appointment to have my CD changer reinstalled.

I'm also the only person in the world who'd complain about having nothing to do other than rest and relax. But I'm not like that. I go crazy when I have nothing to do, when I'm forced to just sit around and twiddle my thumbs or attempt to watch that excuse for television that I have. I have never been able to sit still and don't expect that to happen anytime soon.

Let's face it. I have metabolism that's through the roof. I'm a certified freak. I swear I have small seizures every now and then. I do strange things just out of compulsion and have no clue as to why I do some of the things I do. Last night, I ate a lasagna dinner, then went back to work and ate four tangerines. I think it's the most I had eaten in two years in such a short span.

Today? I've had a bowl of cereal and toasted cheese. What the hell kind of freak am I? Nevermind that there wasn't a lot to choose from to eat, but I could've come up with something better than toasted cheese. Do I hold myself to such high standards that a toasted cheese sandwich isn't good enough for me anymore? Am I that twisted a person?

Or am I just being like every other twisted human on this planet? I'm not really sure of the answer and I'm not sure if I want to know. I make fun of myself enough as it is. I don't want to be given any more reason to do so nor do I want to give others a reason to add upon the insults.

I'm so impulsive too. I'll do something just because it's there and I feel like doing so. I don't necessary buy on compulsion, but I come awfully close. I'll see something and think that it might be cool to have, but it'll take me a week or so before I actually buy it if at all. I'll tell myself for weeks that I should clean, but I won't do it until I feel compelled to. How that happens? I'm not sure of this yet. I'll be sitting at my room and just think, "I'm going to clean now." Just like that. Doesn't matter if it's 2 in the morning.

But anyway...Today wasn't that worth it for me. I didn't do anything once I finally got up aside from make the appointment and take my sister to work. Once I got back, I immediately dressed down into a t-shirt and shorts and spent the rest of the night watching a movie, talking on the phone, and playing on the computer.

The phone conversation was really cool because it was with a girl who's from Spain who's living in Cleveland up until sometime next month when she goes back home to Guatemala I suppose. It's been really interesting talking to her and listen to her try and figure out the English language. She has an accent, but it only threw me once during the conversation. She's done a good job so far.

The one thing I told her is that she shouldn't try and be perfect with the language. I told her there are people who've been speaking it their whole lives and still don't have a clue what they're supposed to do and not do. English is the most difficult language to learn, not so much because of the words themselves, but because of the many ways they can be said and all the tenses.

Other languages, there's a male and female version of the word. Here, we have past, present, and future and some words are written differently than others and it's just one big mess. Whoever came up with English must have been a sick, sick person. We don't need all these variations and nuances to the language. We get ourselves into enough trouble with speaking without the extra help.

I told her that and she agreed with me on that. I also told her not to worry about it if she doesn't understand a word I write because there are people who've been speaking English their entire lives who don't understand what I'm talking about at times. I told her nothing's more frustrating for me than explaining an entry to someone who should know what I'm talking about. I told her she has an excuse, but these other people don't.

I also told her that I knew what she's going through. I tried for two years to figure out french and didn't really get much from it. The accent was the thing that threw me. I just could not say a sentence without my teacher going crazy and telling me to just stop. I just didn't have the pronunciation that others had in the class. I could write it all right, but don't ask me to say it. I think I bombed every oral test we had for that reason.

I actually liked her accent. It was kind of neat. I told her she was pretty easy to understand and that the accent shouldn't bother her. I would prefer if she just tried to learn more words so that her vocabulary is better and not worry too much about the pronunciation of the words. I told her it isn't easy for those of us who've been doing it for a long time, so she shouldn't be frustrated with it.

She did pretty good and only had to stop a couple times to find the right word. I do that all the time though, so it's not a big deal. I liked talking to her and thought it was interesting that she was interested in talking to me. She's a really nice girl so I hope that she continues to do well with her study of the language.

Other than that, nothing happened today. I was going to do an entry where I wrote mock letters to Santa, but I couldn't remember what I wanted to write about in detail so I'm saving that for another day when my memory returns to me. It was a good idea at the time, I just can't remember the details.

That's another thing that's strange about me. I get my best ideas when I have no way of writing them down and I always forget about them by the time I get home or I get to my computer to actually write. I've been saying for years that I have selective memory, but it seems that sometimes I don't really have control over what I remember. I wish I would too because I've lost some good ideas.

Speaking of ideas, we've been coming up with ideas at work on ways to discourage use of the drive-thru. My idea was that we install one of those high pressure fire hoses for all the customers who come through on cell phones, who are smoking, talking to the other passengers, or who have cars that have smelly exhausts. It's really simple. If someone like that comes through, once they open up their window, you blast them with the fire hose. A direct shot should send them out the other side of the car. Otherwise, they just get soaked and learn their lesson.

Jean had a different idea. Her idea involved the button you push when you want service at the drive-thru. She thinks that it should be like a joy buzzer or something like that. You press the button and get a mild (or maybe serious) shock. I guarantee that person won't ever be using the drive-thru again, unless they're stupid enough to keep pushing the button.

I dunno. Some people like that kind of shit. Those are the kind of people that really scare me. Those are also the type of people I put up with all the time.

I still have a new appreciation for people who work in fast food during the winter. That drive-thru is not easy when it's 15° and windy. It really numbs you and we have to use that because the speaker outside doesn't work well. The customer can hear us, but we can't hear the customer very well, so we have to stick our hands out in that cold every time.

So I have a sudden appreciation for those people who work in those conditions. I'll never look at my french fries the same way ever again.

Okay, so I made that last part up. I can't concede everything I stand for, can I?