MY LIFE - APRIL 1999

April 13, 1999

It's inventory time where I work on April 24. I'm really not looking forward to that date right now. We've already begun getting things together, accounting for all the back-stocked merchandise that's in our backroom. The loft and our cosmetics are finished. Now we have just the rest of the backroom to account for.

Up in the pharmacy, we've begun preparing for our inventory as well. I've spent a good part of two days cleaning shelves and removing the outdates. Debbie, our morning technician, has been writing up the outdates and cleaning the shelves on the other end from me. It's been a real pain in the butt too, especially when I work with Tom. He seems to think that Debbie and I can do several things at once while he yaks on the phone. I'm sorry, but it's not possible at this point in time. I can't do five things at once and expect to have everything done in reasonable time.

The good thing is that Jenny came back from her trip to Spain and is back at work now. I have to admit, it's been different without her as compared to her being around. In a sense, I kind of missed her while she was gone and am glad that she's back now. She seemed very happy to see me too and apparently forgot how I had ragged on her before she went on vacation.

I spent a good part of the night talking with her about how things had gone and listened to her talk about her trip. Sounds like she had fun but is glad to be back in a country where she's understood when she talks. Nevermind that this was for her spanish class and that she should've been able to understand most of what was said. She was still glad, albeit tired from jet lag.

I guess I can lay off of Schumacher now that she's back. Then again, it's been fun making fun of him. He's such a dumbass, it's not even funny. He tried to get me back too, so now it's really on.

---

My dad was over last weekend. For what, I'm not sure. I guess it was so that he could actually take a look at what was wrong around here and maybe fix some things up. Never happened though. Instead he spent all Saturday night watching tv and spent Sunday being an asshole about things. He just can't go a whole weekend without becoming an ass. He has to start bitching about everything and has to try and twist things so that it seems like we're blaming him and that we should take more responsibility.

It seems that Saturday night he came over high, so everything was just cool. He was all nice and shit and he wanted to watch tv and just enjoy the evening. Never mind that I had to spend all night running around for him and everyone else. I had to back up to where I worked to pick-up a prescription. Then I had to go pick-up their food so they could eat Chinese. Then I was supposed to go and get something for myself to eat since I don't like Chinese. I never did eat that night. I just got sick of running around. I spent 5 hours after work running around. The only thing I got out of it was when I went and bought Krayzie Bone's CD, "Thug Mentality," which I like a lot.

I wound up spending the rest of the night up in my room rearranging it for the summer because I just did not want to talk or be in the same room with my dad. I just didn't feel like messing around with his bullshit that night. It took me a few hours to do and now my room is clean, aside from some boxes that found their way into my room thanks to my older sister. That's also making me mad. I wish she'd finish up her room, get her crap out of mine, get her stuff out of the hallway, and just finish all of this. There's stuff in my room that's not mine, and it's really irritating me right now.

I had no part in moving rooms, cleaned my room, and still have to deal with their stuff. It just pisses me off.

---

Getting back to Sunday, I was awoken at noon by some noise, but didn't want to find out what it was. I spent about 3 or 4 hours reading magazines until I heard my mom and dad at it. I thought that was why they got divorced, because of their arguing. I did not want to hear it. He accusing her of things and her getting upset. It really got me mad. I just wanted to go down there and just yell at him. He comes over here and deals her bullshit, then can't figure out why we won't do things for him. He just made me mad. He kept saying that she was blaming things on her and that she needed to grow-up. Speak for yourself dad. You're the one sitting in the chair accusing her of things.

My dad needs to get his head checked quick. I hate him sometimes and wish things that I shouldn't. Is it too much to ask for a real father?

---

Two good things to talk about. First up is the season premier of MST3K last Sunday. This was one of the best episodes that the show's had in years, and it was partially thanks to the guest appearances by Joel Hodgson and Frank Conniff, two original cast members. The show in its entirety was great. The skits were genuinely funny as was the movie riffing, which featured some really great jokes. I mean, everyone was laughing at these jokes, even Lori, my older sister who doesn't even like the show.

The movie was "Soultaker," a real stink-ass movie if I ever saw one. They did a hell of a job on the movie, making some great jokes at some great times. The middle of the movie had a slight lull, except when there was a girl getting ready for a bath and towards the end, which featured some really outstanding comments. The 'bots displayed some of the little kid qualities that made them so funny in the early episodes, something that's been missing in the later seasons. The end credits were great as well, with the 'bots both accusing Mike of things and then acting like little kids.

The second great thing is the CD "Thug Mentality" from Bone Thugs-N-Harmony member Krayzie Bone. I've warmed to it a lot since I first bought, and now consider it one of my better buys. It has some great tracks on both CDs (it's a double CD) and there is the usually collection of tracks with some great music, something that's been a trademark of Bone. He has some good guests on the CD as well, with Snoop Dogg, Layzie Bone, Bone, Kurupt, Fat Joe, Big Punisher, and several local groups as well.

The encouraging thing was hearing the reassurance that Bone was still 5 deep and that gave hope that there's going to be another Bone album at some point. Next up are Layzie Bone and Wish Bone in the solo release category, since Flesh-N-Bone and Bizzy Bone have already released solo albums. I really like this CD though and will probably listen to it for a while. It's more along my tastes in rap. Fast delivery with some nice music to go along with it, something that Krayzie Bone and Bone as a group does well.

I guess a third good thing happened when I finally heard from Jennifer today. It had been more than a week since I last heard from her and I had really begun to worry that something had happened. I did get an e-mail today stating that she hadn't been on because of a virus that's in her computer. I felt better just reading the e-mail from her.

I don't really know why I feel the way I do about her. I really do want to get together with her, but things are keeping us from doing just that right now. I'm being patient, mostly because I know it's not her fault and that she wants to get together with me. I just feel things for her that I've never felt for any other girl right now. I feel that we really get along together well.

It's really hard for me to describe. I do know that I really mean it a lot when I tell her that I love her. I just feel something for her that can't be described with words and that I want to be with her. I hope it's soon, but I'll wait. My feelings for her aren't going to change overnight. I just worry that something will just continue to keep us from meeting up together and something else will happen along the way that will change someone's feelings for the other person. I can't help feeling that the longer this goes, the less chance there will be that it'll happen and that the chance that one of us falls for someone else will become greater.

I hate feeling that way too. I love her so much and I just want to be with her sometimes. I've spent some nights thinking about her before I fell asleep and I sometimes dream about her. It's almost like obsession, but it's not. It's how I feel about her. She seems to feel the same way, which only makes it more maddening. I hope that it does happen soon. I really hope that I get with her and show her in person how much I love her. She means a lot to me.

I haven't really told her anything like this yet because I'm a bit shy about talking about these things with her still. She'll read this though. I hope she feels the same way. I would feel awful silly otherwise. I just don't have any shame.