MY LIFE - MAY 1999

May 4, 1999

Okay, I give up. It's only been two days, but I quit. These allergies are killing me already, and it's only a small percentage of the trees that are actually flowering right now. Nevertheless, the last two days have been miserable for me, no matter what mood I've been in. The splitting headaches, the pain in the rest of my head, the sneezing, and the dizzyness can just be too much. So I quit. I'm no longer going outside.

Mow the lawn? Forget it. I'm allergic to the grass clippings (nevermind that I've already mowed the lawn twice this year). Spend a little time outside? Uh-uh. Nature and I are in war and I'm losing the battle readily as it is. You really think that I'd stick my neck outside now and give her an extra advantage. Nope. I'm staying inside and playing on the computer. Either that or I'm working inside away from all this shit.

Okay, I may be exaggerating a bit. Spring is one of those things that you love, but hate. I hate it for the allergies I have (which is also why fall isn't a favorite of mine; grass pollen season), but I love it for the wild weather and the warmth. Finally my coat can take its place in my closet where it belongs and I can open up the windows of my car and drive comfortably. No more freezing my ass off. No, it's now time for me to fry my ass off. I actually don't know which one's worse, but who cares? Everyone else seems to enjoy spring so I might as well.

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Speaking of wild weather, how about the tornadoes that ripped through Oklahoma and Kansas last night. Last time I heard there were 45 confirmed fatalities. Compare that to when it was just 10 last night at around midnight. Those storms were amazing. Watching those things track across Oklahoma and Kansas on doppler radar doesn't do the damage justice. Those were just incredible storms striking at a bad time of day to strike, evening and early nighttime. All the warning in the world isn't going to stop the destruction that was caused or the deaths.

I spent last night and some time after school today watching CNN and receiving up to the minute updates. They also showed some fantastic video of some of the tornadoes that touched down and there was a very interesting story on some people who used an underpass as a safety structure. Unfortunately, as was the case most of the day, there was bad news with that underpass. A woman was just sucked right out from underneath, showing the power of these tornadoes, many of them as strong as a tornado can get.

It was just a very haunting thing to see the video of the destruction. You don't realize just how powerful one of these storms is until you see the damage caused. Homes and businesses were just completely flattened. They showed a shot of something that looked like a piece of metal that was just completely wrangled. Turns out it was a van. It was a fucking van and it looked like it was smaller than my car. I just could not believe it. These were just extremely powerful storms that took their toll on the Oklahoma City and Witchita metro areas. 40 dead in Oklahoma and 5 dead in Kansas, but this was a while back. For all I know, the toll could be higher.

This is tornado season in the plains however, so these people weren't exactly caught off guard by these storms. They were actually prepared very well. It's just that the storms were so powerful, there wasn't much that could be done to save all those lives. Let's face it, lives will be lost from time to time in storms like these. It's still horrifying to think about. Our tornado season in Ohio is underway now, so we have to be wary of the weather again.

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This site hasn't been updated in about a week or so, I realize that. I also realize that there have been a lot of reasons why I haven't been online a lot lately to work on this site. My mom's been using the computer a lot lately, so that decreases my time. My sister's now using it more, which decreases time even more, and the weather is so nice, I can't help but go outside for at least a little while and enjoy some of the sun. However, the site has fallen behind a bit because of this, and a couple aspects face falling off this site completely.

History of Dave's World is looking more and more like it's going to be removed from this site. There are no future plans to work on that page, which makes it kind of silly to keep it around. Also, my other site Dave's Pop Culture Extravaganza will be closing down for a while as I begin to redesign, or even remove, that site. It is very possible that I could remove DPCE in the future simply because I'm not really someone who writes entertainment type articles very well. It's just not a strong point of mine. I write about me, what I see, and things going on around me, but I don't write very well about my favorite entertainment aspects.

"The Truest Friends" may actually get started and The Collection Box may be receiving work soon, but it's looking more and more like summer's going to be the time of year when things get done for me and this site. By then I'll be out of high school and have more time to mess around with than I do now. There's just so much shit going down and so much stress that I'm really having a hard time getting things together. Until this year ends, updates on this site are going to be infrequent at best. Out of 30 days in April, I only had an entry for about 10 days. That's pathetic.

I hope that I'll find more time, but it's not likely anytime soon.

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There's been a lot of talk going around the online journal community about the rash of people quitting their journals. I know of at least a couple people who just stopped and one other who stopped, then reconsidered and is now writing again. Then again, I don't think a couple really qualifies as a lot so I don't really know what everyone's talking about. I don't even know why everyone's so upset about this. I do enjoy reading those journals and I enjoy writing my own version, but it's not my place to get mad at someone because they don't want to write anymore.

It's kind of silly the ruckus raised over the recent quittings. In case any of you are wondering, I am not intending to stop anytime soon mainly because I've been doing this for a year now and still enjoy it now, if not more than ever. It's not so much me presenting to you readers what I feel and see, but more of a way for me to see myself how I feel. It's a great stress release as well, although it isn't recommended for everyone. Some people would find that this just wouldn't work very well for them like it has for me. It's just one of those things.

It's not my, or anyone's but the author's, place to say if a person should continue a journal. It's a personal decision that should not be challenged.

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There was a poem written to me recently. I want you all to take a look and tell me what you think of it. It's author will remain annonymous, but they know who they are.

Wishful Thinking
Rain love life,
Why do they have to all come together?
Love life rain?
No it just doesn't sound right.

Joy sorrow pain,
Sometimes I wish I didn't have to have any of this.
Why though?
Why don't I want Joy?

Maybe its the fact that i'm so scared of it
Or just might be that I have and I don't enjoy all the hype.
Why can't he be the one?
I just can't ever stay on one track.

Always jumping around not knowing how or why things happen.
I hold him close to me but he just slips out of my grip.
I can't take it anymore.
What you may ask?

Just this feeling of....
Insecurity. Yes I think thats it.
I know he says he "loves" me but does he mean it?
Or am I just the naive one?

Just there are all these thoughts in my head.
I want to cry. I want to die.
No, I don't want to die I just want peace.
Yea peace with who?

With him?
With me?
With the whole world?

So many unanswered questions.
So many things that have to or well MUST go unanswered.

I cannot read your mind and know exactly what you want me to do
So just lay off please.
Please just go away and leave my tender heart here to rest.

I think it's good, but that's just my opinion talking.