MY LIFE - JUNE 1999

June 7, 1999

Hey, look at this. Two entries in a row....I'm in hell right now. Pure hell. It's 1:30 in the morning (which really means it's July 8, but who's counting?), and I'm sweating like crazy because it's still 78° outside and muggy. I hate this weather so much. I'm seriously considering buying a small air conditioning unit for my room so that I can at least get a little sleep at night. I think I talked about this two years ago in one of my older editorials, but then I was a bit whacky when I wrote things. In any case, my feelings on this kind of weather have not changed one bit.

Some of the biggest downfalls on this are that you immediately begin sweating after a shower, even a cold one. When you go to bed, it's on bed sheets that are moist and sticky, rather than dry and cool the way I like them to be. You have to just throw the whole concept of sleeping with a blanket out the window since you'll overheat otherwise. I, being one who can almost never sleep without a blanket, particularly hate that last one. You can't really do anything outside since the moment you move, you sweat like a hog. Since I don't exactly like sweating, this really annoys me. Two words: heat exhaustion.

Unfortunately, we live in just the right area of the country where we can have bad winters and extremely warm and muggy summers. It's not like in Arizona either, where it's 95° but it feels like 85° because of the lack of moisture. No, Ohio is in just the right location where we can get some of that nice gulf moisture to go along with the heat. Then again, I could be living in Washington DC, where it's supposed to be over 100° tomorrow. So I guess it could be worse. Then again, as Calvin of "Calvin and Hobbes" would say, "Yeah, but things could be a whole lot better."

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Before I go any farther, I should probably explain that I've been caught reading some of the "Calvin and Hobbes" treasuries we have here. In case any of you are real blockheads, "Calvin and Hobbes" was a long-running comic strip about a six year-old and his stuffed, yet real tiger Hobbes. It ran for a long time and was only stopped a few years ago when the cartoonist, Bill Watterson, decided it was time to stop. It was one of the funniest strips ever and still makes me laugh. Unfortunately, like most everything else that I surround myself, I find myself imitating parts of it.

Not to say that I've been whining, but sometimes the strip had a deeper meaning, and I've been taking to heart a lot of things lately, and some parts of that strip are included. I know that may sound funny or even odd, but it's true. Calvin is just what we all want to be at times. He's bratty, he doesn't want to do anything but have fun his way, and he's definitely sure of himself and what he wants. He just happens to be six years-old and in no position to do some of things he wants to do. He wants to take the initiative at times, and damn the consequences as far as he's concerned.

As strange as it may seem, we can learn a little something from him. Yes, he's rude, he's vulgar, and he's a little monster, but he's more than that. He wonders why certain things happen. He wonders why some animals, and people, die before they have a chance to really live. He, like almost every kid, hates the school system and wants nothing to do with education. He lives in his own world, along with Hobbes and his imagination, where he's always on the good side of things. His imagination runs wild and he's wildly thoughtful, as strange as that seems.

Listen to me. I sound like those speakers at our graduation yesterday who talked about Star Wars and Yoda and all that. I need to stop reading those comics. I'm starting to sound just like them.

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Interleague play is well under way now and the American League is getting spanked overall. Most of the AL teams won the other night, but it was only because they had to stave off a sweep. Well, the Indians did well against the Chicago Cubs. If it weren't for Mike Jackson blowing a save in the first game, the Indians would've swept the series. Instead, they lost that game, but came back to win the next game in extra innings, 8-7, and they won yesterday 4-2 in a game that featured yet another good outing by Charles Nagy.

It's been interesting watching interleague play this year. The National League has it good though. They're already used to playing with a pitcher batting, so they don't lose anything when they host an American League team. They gain when they play an American League team because they can add another bat to the line-up. On the other hand, the AL loses a bat when they go to the NL parks because our pitchers are even worse at hitting than normal. That probably explains why the NL has won more than half the games so far.

Oh well. It doesn't explain how the AL keeps winning more World Series rings though. Odd.

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I received yet another graduation card today. This one was from Allison, an occasionally fill-in pharmacist who left cards for the three of us who graduated this past weekend. It was somewhat in return for the card we gave her a week or so ago when we learned that she was going to be moving to Nevada soon. We all got her a card, signed it, and gave it to her, so the graduation cards were sort of in return for that. The message was short, but it was sweet, indictative of what kind of person she is. I'm going to miss working with her.

Speaking of work, my mom told me that Fairview Hospital was hiring pharmacy technicians at $10 an hour. I've been at the same job for nearly two years now, and while I do love the conditions I'm working in, I can't help but think about what that extra money could do for me. All they require is a high school diploma, which I so conveniently received yesterday, so I'm thinking of applying and seeing what happens. I love my job immensely, but this is something that I have to seriously think about.

Who knows? I may go to school to be a pharmacist and my wind up working with CVS again. Like I said before though. Those options just keep popping up.

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Life after graduation. I'm very curious, yet at the same time, scared to death what may lie ahead for me. Yes, I have a whole summer to think about things and to make plans for my future, but it's all still very vague for me. Now that I have only one car to pay for now, I do have a bit more money coming in, but still, I wonder, will it be enough? Is my future secure? Am I going to make all the right decisions? Or will I botch this all up and end up being nothing more than a pharmacy tech all my life. I have a ton of options, true, but whether I do anything with them is up to me.

I find myself wondering what will happen if I do eventually move out of this house and onto my own. Will I be able to survive? Will I be able to pay for everything? Will I have access to a computer so that this site, and my online life, can continue? Will it be by myself, or will I have a room mate or two to give me hand? When I do move out, how well will it go over? Will I be forced to move back in because I can't handle it? Or will things turn out just fine and prove all my worries to be false?

Of course, I can't answer any of these now. I have confidence that when it's my time to wrap up my time here, I'll know it and move out at the right time. I feel that I'll be able to pay for anything that comes my way, and I do feel that I'll be able to survive. Yet all these things keep nagging at me. What if my mom and my sister move to Michigan before I'm out on my own? What do I do then? Move back down here, or stay up there and live away from everyone anyway? That last one won't be such a big one, since many are going on to college and are moving away anyway. Still, it eats at me.

I guess that right now, I'm not prepared to go out on my own. At least not yet. Too many questions with too few answers. When that changes, It'll be my time.