MY LIFE - JULY

Sunday, July 25, 1999

Talk about your rude awakenings. It was about 2:30pm and I was still in my bed, not really asleep, but not really awake either. I was lying on my stomach just kind of resting in place when my dad came into my room and told me I had to drive him back into town because he was going back to work this week. Ugh. I put off getting up as long as possible, only getting up after deciding that it would be a much longer day if I let things drag on.

At about 4, we left the house and stopped off at the Longhorn Steakhouse for a little bit to eat and to watch the rest of the Indians game with the Yankees. We then left for Cleveland, where I stayed for about an hour or so before getting antsy. Before I left, he at long last told me the things that I had been expecting, but hadn't heard yet. He told me again how I should be taking at least three classes this fall, then added that I should be taking a full schedule. This from a college dropout.

He then told me that I had better not be putting up any money towards my mom's plan of getting our own house, which I said nothing to. He then told me that if he can go to a bar without drinking a beer, then she can say hi to him every once in a while. He was apparently referring to his little scheme where he purposely bought only a coke while at the Longhorn Steakhouse to try and show me that he could control his drinking. The moment he had done that though, I had prepared myself for what he would probably say later.

I just kind of shrugged him off, ignored the rest of his jabber, and told him I was heading back home. Out of nowhere, he was suddenly nice and reminding me that I needed to get up Tuesday so that my brakes could be fixed for a lot cheaper than what I was being told by repair shops. Then he switched up again and said that my mom is living unrealistically and that she needs to get help. It was really strange, his mood swings.

All that does is add fuel to the fire, however. By changing subjects and moods like he did today, he proved to me that he really does have a mental problem or something that needs to be checked out by a doctor. In the meantime, all plans are still on as far as I know. This time next week, I could be living in a different house.

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My whole personality is shaped by what's happened to me in my life. The events at home, the treatment by "friends," and just about everything else is what has shaped me the most in my life, and in that sense, it makes it all worth it. Living in a house that's been as turbulent as this one has is something that will always stick in my head and there are scars that will never heal, all of them mental.

Watching how my dad acted, how he handled things, and how he generally treated my mom, my sisters, and myself is part of the reason why I tend to treat girls with a whole lot of respect. You have to understand, I've grown up in a house where the only other guy was my dad, and he was a violent and unpredictable person when I was a little kid. Seeing how he was affecting my mom's state of mind and my sisters really taught me something good. It showed me what not to do to a girl.

My friends treating me like shit during those times gave me my general distrust of people, something that had already been building thanks to my dad. To this day, I still do not trust people in general and I fear a person's motives at times. This doesn't hold true to people I know. Only to those that I don't know, which is probably why I don't always make friends very easily. It's hard to be friends with someone who doesn't trust you right off the bat, and that's something that's still with me.

My childhood also gave birth to my resiliency that I've developed over the years towards certain things. It takes a lot to get to me and you can't really say just one thing and have me lose total control of things. I'm no different from my dad in that I have a temper. I am different in that my temper has been, well, tempered and I do not lose my temper very often. The events right now have tested me the most, but even so, I have not lost control of myself or of the things around me.

I'm a very passive person. I've never been in a fight with anyone, nor have I ever hit anyone with the intent to hurt them. Not once in my life. I've come close, but I've never reached the point where I've been involved in a fight. I have been hit by other people, once by a person who was so out of it, he didn't even know who I was when he hit me, or after for that matter. I will not be sucked into fights very often. I hate arguing as well. Arguments were common when I was younger, and all I was ever around when I was younger were arguments between my mom and dad, sometimes very violent. I fear getting into arguments with someone I like simply because it doesn't usually make me look very good. I try to avoid them whenever possible.

I may have learned things from bad events, but I've learned the right things out of those times. My childhood taught me a lot and I still use that to this day. The events were terrible, but I'd hate to find out what I'd be like if I had it easy all my life.

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Last night went by pretty quietly outside of the storms that kept coming through. We had about four storms either came close to hitting us or actually did hit us, but nothing really dangerous happened. The lightning show was something else though. Lots of lightning, lots of thunder, and a whole lot of much-needed rain fell yesterday evening and night. The first storm came through around 7:30 and dumped some rain on us, although the main part of the storm was west of year. A little later, another storm started to build right over us, but dumped most of its weather on Medina.

At about 12:30am, the third and fourth storms came by. The third one came awfully close and dumped a good amount of rain on us. There was some incredibly lightning after it passed us too. The fourth storm was a much more quiet storm that really started to fall apart as it got near. It also dumped some good rain on us though, rain that we are more than happy to get right now.

All in all, it was a quiet evening and a quiet day today. I just wish it weren't a once in a while type event like it has become. I guess I wish things were a lot more quiet, a lot more calm than they have been. I hate going through this shit.

Tribe Watch '99

Last Game
Cleveland, 1
New York, 2

Summary
The Yankees won this game in the bottom of the ninth on Ricky Ledee's solo home run off of Ricky Rincone on what turned out to be the lowest scoring game of the year between the two teams. The Yankees scored their first run on a solo home run from Derek Jeter in the fourth inning while the Indians got theirs on a RBI single from Manny Ramirez in the sixth. Bartolo Colon continued to pitch strong, allowing one run in seven innings. Roger Clemens allowed just one run in seven innings as well as the Indians lost their fifth in a row for the first time this year.

Game Notes
The Indians record dropped them to 19 games above five-hundred for the first time since the second month of the season. The Indians had been as high as 27 games above .500....The Indians have lost 9 of their last 11 games and have struggled on offense mightily....Colon has allowed two runs in 23 innings pitched since the All-Star game and is the only pitcher with a win in the second half of the season. In three starts, he's 2-0....The Indians come back home to face the Detroit Tigers tomorrow night and try to turn things around against Justin Thompsin.

Record
58-40