June/July 1998

It's a new month, but the same old shit is going on with me. More work, less play. I guess I'm a dull boy. Either that or I'm money starved. Take your pick. Anyway, read on and see what's going on this time.

July 29

I've been noticing trends in various places recently, and one is going on in this web site as we speak. No, not the lack of visitors (that's my own damned fault), it's my writing. Sometimes I can sit and write about something for a long time, while other times I struggle to sit there and come up with one complete thought. What happens is a random array of thoughts put together with yards of yarn rather than with invisible wire. Does that make sense?...I don't know whether to think that things are starting to fall into place for me or if things are still falling apart at the seams. I myself can never seem to make up my mind, but that's beside the point. At work, some have considered me the glue that has held a couple of people in place with their jobs. One person basically said that it was me along with my ability to get people going that had kept her from quitting just yet. She assumes, probably correctly, that I'm gonna be around for a while. Anyway, she was having a bad day, so I gave her my smiley face sticker which she promptly put tape on to make sure that it stayed on. Why do I mention that? Just trying to show that I'm reaching my goal of keeping everybody in semi-good spirits, regardless of how I feel. Just the way I am, and I don't intend on changing. So if you're in a bad mood, avoid me if you don't want to be cheered up 'cause I'll do it, and you can't stop me. Unless you ask nicely that is.

July 26

As if the summer hasn't been long enough, now comes the fact that everyone at work is going on vacation it seems over the next few weeks, and that means I'll be working some strange hours to cover those vacations. I'm working all 9-5:30 shifts next week, and down the line, it looks like I'm going to be working in the pharmacy to cover vacations. In other words, I'm going to be just a tad tired and cranky over time....I guess what's biggest for me right now is the fact that I have a car right now, a 1989 Ford Escort LX that is looking to be a good investment at the moment. Time will tell how it goes overall, but so far it's looking good....Now, if people are done pissing me off, I'm gonna go somewhere else.

July 19

As I sat and watched Mystery Science Theater 3000 show 909 last night with the movie Gorgo, I couldn't help and wonder just why Gorgo was ever made. And why the name "Gorgo?" These questions really aren't that important, unless you consider the fact that Gorgo seems to be a cheap riff on the Godzilla franchise that had built up over the years over in Japan. Did we really need to see the Brits become as incompetent in danger as the Japanese are in any movie? I don't think so, I think it was an attempt to upstage the Japanese, as unnecessary as it was, while it ended up hurting Britain. It didn't help that William Sylvester was in it, an actor who is becoming infamous in MST3K movies. He was in Devil Doll of last season, as well as a couple of other real stinkburgers. Yet that didn't stop MGM from billing him in this movie as the big star. Too bad Sylvester was a bad actor. He might have had a future....Two things are bothering me right now, one my more than inept web site managing right now and my current situation at work. My ineptness goes back to when I first starting working and saw less time to work on this web site as much as I did in the first months of its existence. The failure of many promising projects has also led me to believe that I need to find another line of work while online. My updating is usually done now at 12 am and beyond for many reasons. I can't list them all here as it would compromise my situation further. The second thing is my position and situation at work. I'm currently being marked as the replacement for one of our long-time employees, the basic head of the floor staff after the manager known as the shift supervisor. Mike, as he's called, has been looking around for a better job, including at local stores such as Aldis here in Brunswick. If he gets the job, he's gone from CVS which would most likely throw me into shift supervisor. I'm a bit apprehensive about that possibility mainly because I don't feel I'm ready for that position of responsibility. I do know how to work the computer well, but I'm not the best at the stockroom or stock in itself, regardless of what anyone says. I don't know if I want the responsibility yet because I don't feel ready. If it's given to me though, I will take it.

July 14b

This has to be the most frustrating day that I've had on record in a long time mainly because everyone's been getting on my nerves. At work, people think they can be funny by kicking me really hard for really nothing too drastic and then complain how I'm annoying. At home, I'm on the computer for 15 minutes when my older sister asks me "how long are you going to be on that thing?" Excuse me? I just got on this thing on you want to kick me off because you have mail to check and all that other bulls--t too? I worked 8½ hours today, got home, went online, and was already being badgered about my being online. I'm sorry, but I'm getting sick of it right now. Then I tell my younger sister, who had been online for about an hour and a half, that I need the computer, and she throws this "I just got on the computer fits" that's complete bulls--t. Yet it somehow works as my mom tells me to stop being nasty. Excuse me again, but I was on for 15 minutes after getting home from work and would like to use the computer myself for a little bit, and I'm being nasty? Maybe I have a right to be nasty because it just isn't fair that this s--t happens to me when I work. My sisters want me to respect them more, as if that's really a problem, but they don't want to respect me. I asked my younger sister to close her mouth when she had the hiccups, she stuck out her tongue, hiccuped again, and laughed as if it was funny when she knew it was bothering me. F--k this, if I'm not going to get respect from them, I'm going to stop respecting them. I'm watching tv and I'm supposed to flip back to a show they thought was interesting? No, because I don't get to watch that much tv in the first place, and no because I'm watching something else anyway. This is something that has to stop. My younger sister seems to love to get on my nerves as evidenced by her laughing after I tell her to stop doing something. If she wants to be a b---h, then I'll be an a--hole, that's all there is to it. This isn't something I enjoy doing, but I'd rather not be treated like I'm a piece of s--t.

July 14a

Things can change so quickly around here for me, and that has me both upset and confused. It seemed like my foul mood that I had been was finally beginning to lift thanks to a spirited conversation with one of my online friends when all of a sudden, a swift blow was struck to my psyche. On Sunday, July 12, my mom announced to me that my grandmother on her side has suffered a mild stroke and was in the hospital. My mom spent Monday night at the hospital with her and word is that it's kind of looking bad mainly because doctors weren't clear on what was happening to her. This has made my mom upset, as well as myself, but for very different reasons. I'm upset because I can't seem to figure out why this sort of s--t seems to happen to us all the time. It's like a repeating pattern--things look bad, then they start looking good when something bad happens again. It's starting to get annoying and has me wondering if things will ever look up for us in every aspect. In a small sense I fear the worst, but not for my grandmother, but for my mom. The last thing she needs if for her mom to die on her. That would not help our situation at all, nor would it help my grandfather, who has already had to put up with a bunch of s--t these past few years. The nerve that this strikes runs deep mainly because it's annoying to have this much s--t happen in so little time. We cannot have a good year, can we? Is anybody listening?!! Probably not. Anyway, the only way to go is to deal with this one step at a time and hope that it doesn't get any worse in the near future. There goes my good mood. I'm just glad there are people out there who do care about what's happening with me and who take the time to cheer me up with words....Oh, and another person quit his job where I work. Apparently he got a job at Boston Market while he was on vacation. Little prick, hope he gets fired.

July 10

Day five of my six day marathon of working is now over, and I'm kinda happy that it did end quietly. Mainly because after Thursday and everyone confused about when they work, it's a relief to be at home. I'm going to say this now, I'm getting really pissed at this one person, Mark, who keeps playing with the schedule. He doesn't leave notes for my manager so that he can be given the proper days off in the schedule, then he goes in about a day or two before the day in question, and says he can't work. If I'm manager, he's fired almost right away because I wouldn't take that s--t from that kid. He needs to get his priorities straight and in a hurry otherwise he's gonna have a quick and decisive employment status soon....The All-Star Game in baseball took place in the first part of the week, and what a pleasant surprise that game was. The energy and excitement at Coors Field in Denver, Colorado was so high, you could almost feel it at times. The players on both sides as well as the coaches all appeared to be having fun regardless of the outcome, which is what sporting events should really be about. National League Manager Jim Leyland said it best when he mentioned that despite his team being down, he was still having a lot of fun and that he still had some strategies playing through his head. One of them almost worked. Meanwhile, American League Manager, and Cleveland Indian's manager Mike Hargrove joked with NBC's Keith Olberman (formerly of ESPN) showing how light the mood was in Denver. The game wasn't all that bad either....My life sucks, but yet it doesn't. That doesn't make sense, I know. Welcome to my world.

July 8

Talk about your mood swings, 24 hours can make a difference in one's personality. Yesterday I was all cranky and stuff and snapping at people. Actually, everyone at work was taking each other's heads off, and we all somehow managed to get through the day without killing one another. Today, I was just in a weird mood. It didn't help that my coworkers are strange as well, but it sure made things interesting. I'm very happy to say that today was much calmer, yet no less exciting....For the last few days we've been taking care of my cousin's cat, who to me, is the male equivalent of Kisa. It has made for an interesting week so far as the cats all flip when he walks around. He's a nice, yet loud cat. I've never heard a cat make the sounds that this cat can make. It's a weird thing....If you haven't noticed by now, I'm kinda in better spirits than I was when I wrote all the stuff below and when I wrote the July Editorial. I was a wreck then, and maybe I still am. If I am, then I'm doing a damn good job of hiding it. But I doubt it right now. It also probably helps that I got some sleep last night for once. Now, back to the dilema of not getting any sleep since I have to pull the morning shift at work for the next three days. Oh well, life's a bitch sometimes.

July 3

It's four in the morning, but at this point, I don't really care what time it is. I just know that I feel it's time to mention a few things, some which are going to be repeated in the July Editorial coming up. One has to do with the fact of this being single thing. Just when does it get to the point where you want to scream in frustration over not being able to get a girl? Disregard the fact that I haven't made any real strong efforts, but don't disregard the fact that that's due to the fact that any efforts I do make seem to be in vain. More than once I've thought I've come close to finally clearing that final hurdle only for that hurdle to suddenly rise 100 feet in the air. It's frustrating, yet at the same time intriguing. I don't know why the same s--t seems to pop up when I come close to getting a girlfriend, but it always happens. It boggles the mind to see that I struggle so much when it comes to getting a good woman for myself. It seems that the ones that I do come close to getting are always taken at the last minutes while the ones who seem interested wind up having a boyfriend. I can't let that worry me though. If my time's destined to come, it will come. It's just a matter of having the patience to wait....This web site's a mess, a big mess. I'm still looking for that final piece of the puzzle that'll put this site over the top. It seems that my attempts to become better promoted seem to snag at every opportunity. I cannot seem to get a visitor to my web site, at least this part of my web site. The surge of visitors seems to be directed towards This Is MST3K, rather than the main page. I don't get it. Maybe people aren't up for my writing accomplishments....I seem out of touch with those around me right now. It seems that people I thought I knew have done things that I never expected them to do while others have been unexpected surprises, but not always good. I don't feel like I know anyone anymore. I can't figure out certain things and I'm just confused overall. Hopefully the holiday weekend will help me out a little bit. Hell, I might even write an editorial, that is if I can find time to use the computer. It seems that I can rarely get onto this thing anymore. I don't know. I guess I'm just drained emotionally.

June 14

It's early in the day, but I didn't get a chance to go online yesterday, so what I have to say is being said now. I want to address a certain issue that bothers the hell out of me right now, and it involves every single one of you who hasn't e-mailed me back at one point. Oh, I think I just mentioned it. Nothing bothers me more than when I e-mail someone, and they don't e-mail me back at all. It just gets to me in the worst way imaginable. I don't know why, but it does. Something that doesn't bother me as much, but still does nevertheless, is when I ask people questions in e-mails and they don't answer them in their reply. I know it shouldn't be that big of a deal, but it is. I just can't stand it anymore. My policy is if you don't reply to my e-mails, chances are, you'll never hear from me again. It's really nothing against anyone in particular, but I'm tired of people not replying. It just gets on my nerves and I can't accept it anymore....Now then, some of you may wonder what's up with Tribe Watch not getting updated for two days. It has to do with the fact that the Indians have been rained out two straight days in New York with the third game still questionable. So there's no real need to update that section except for pitching match-ups and make-up dates.

June 11

I'm not sure if that's set up right....Anyway, the last three weeks have been absolutely maddening. I've been working a lot more than normal, which has made keeping this web site maintained a pain in the ass. Looking around the site, it's become apparent to me that it's been since May 26 that I've been able to work with this site. So much to my amazement, I was able to find time to update this site. It's a small adjustment, but it's a start. I'm hoping to get some sort of editorial going before the end of this month to combine the May and June editorials. I'm struggling to keep this site going, but I'm confident that I'll have things in order by the end of the summer....Money brings opportunity, and that brings new items. Among them is a pager I now have and three new CDs. I recently bought Master P's "MP Da Last Don," "I Got the Hook-Up!" soundtrack, and Mo Thug Family Scriptures Chapter II: "Family Reunion." All of them are good, and that makes my gamble look really good....I think it's time for a promotional blitz.