ONE-LINERS FROM FAMOUS WOMEN




1.  I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm 
     not dumb ... and I also know that I'm not blonde.
     [Dolly Parton]
                  
2.  You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever 
    see a smart woman with a dumb guy.
    [Erica Jong]
                  
3.  I want to have children, but my friends scare me.  One of my
    friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours.  I don't even want
    to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
    [Rita Rudner]
                  
4.  My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child.
    We can't decide to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.
    [Rita Rudner]
                  
5.  I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog.
    [Wendy Liebman]
                  
6.  Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
    [Erma Bombeck]

7.  If high heels were so wonderful, men would still be wearing them. 
    [Sue Grafton]
                  
8.  I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride on. 
    [Roseanne Barr]
                  
9.  I think-therefore I'm single.
    [Lizz Winstead]
                  
10. "When women are depressed they either eat or go shopping.  Men 
    invade another country."
    [Elayne Boosler]
                  
11. "Behind every successful man is a surprised woman." 
    [Maryon Pearson]
                  
12. "I base most of my fashion taste on what doesn't itch."
    [Gilda Radner]
                  
13. "In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man; if you want 
    anything done, ask a woman."
    [Margaret Thatcher]
                  
14. "I have yet to hear a man ask for advice on how to combine
    marriage and a career."
    [Gloria Steinhem]
                  
15. "Some of us are becoming the men we wanted to marry."
    [Gloria Steinhem]
                  
16. "I never married because there was no need.  I have three pets at 
    home which answer the same purpose as a husband.  I have a dog
    which growls every morning, a parrot which swears all afternoon
    and a cat that comes home late at night."
    [Marie Corelli]
                  
17. "Nagging is the repetition of unpalatable truths."
    [Baroness Edith Summerskill]
                  
18. "If men can run the world, why can't they stop wearing neckties? 
    How intelligent is it to start the day by tying a little noose
    around your neck?"
    [Linda Ellerbee]
                  
19. "I am a marvelous housekeeper.  Every time I leave a man I keep
    his house."
    [Zsa Zsa Gabor]