I want to peep over the mountain
And watch life rush by
On the back of a golden tiger
As I try to call it back to me

I want to cry in the pouring rain
Running for a thousand miles
Til I fall exhausted
Into the warm strength of your arms

I want to feel your love
And know it's mine forever
Closing my eyes
And only feeling your warmth
*******************************
I once realized
That possibly
Labeling an emotion
Isn't as important
As feeling it
*************
I believe we're all apart of a neverending story
I loved you before and I'll love you again
Even after this present love
Has past and is forgotten
We're like two pieces of a puzzle
Just waiting to be put together
And when we're finally one
The story will not end
But continue on forever
Because there is no beginning or end
Just a single plot
That rules our lives without our knowledge
But with our willing consent
Because of our love
The story will always go on
Always changing but somehow the same

___________________________________________________
I tried to drown the pain with alcohol
But the damned pain learned how to swim
--Frida Kahlo
___________________________________________________

You glance up at me and smile
Taking my hand to keep me from falling
As we walk in circles
And although I know we're broken
I can't walk away
And deep down I know you feel the same
Together we fill The Emptiness
We both feel it inside
And it makes us cold and lonely and sad
And worse indifferent
No one else understands
We don't understand it ourselves
But we know it's there
And we can't chase it away
So we come together
And for an all too short time
The Emptiness is filled
But it ends all too soon
And we're left to compensate the best we can
**************************************
You tell me I'm beautiful
Saying how much you've missed me
I look into your eyes
Trying to see the man
I thought I knew so well
But now all I see is a smile
And it hurts so much
To think that smile is no longer just for me
And I have to wonder
How much of you I can still believe in
So I smile back hoping you don't sense my doubt
And walk away to avoid the truth
********************************
I close my eyes
Ready to be consumed
By a familiar dream
I rush forward as
I see you in the distance
You put your arms around me
Making me feel dizzy
With an incredible joy
Like a sweet memory
Of first being kissed
Although I know it's just a dream
You seem almost tangible
I reach out to touch your face
And like a wisp of smoke
You disappear
And I open my eyes
Only to see you
Smiling down on me
I sigh with relief
Realizing for the first time
It's no longer just a dream
***************************
I'm standing at the edge of a cliff
Watching the waves crash
Agains the rocks below me
I inhale the salty air
And I glance up at the birds
Wondering what it would be like to fly
You pull me back
Afraid I might fall
And we lay together on a blanket
Telling stories under the clouds
*********************************
Night falls on
A starry sky
The moon is full
High above the trees
A bird sings a
New melody

A shadow
Lingers nearby
Looking familiar
Yet somehow
New and intriguing

Like a butterfly
Outlining my heart and
Chasing my fears away
Haunting my dreams and
Never abandoning my thoughts
Echoing my feelings and
Roping in my heart
******************
There you see her standing all alone
Looking as if all the world is an enemy
You want to go to her
And hold her so she will know
There is nothing to be afraid of
But each time you try to get close
She backs away
Watching you with frightened eyes
You try again, slower this time
And watch helplessly as she runs away
*************************************
There's a little girl who's so lonely
Scared of something that can't be seen
Says there's nothing left to believe in
No heroes around to rescue her
The dreams the world holds so closely
Are fading in her mind
Too many sleepless nights
She trembles with an invisible cold
That slowly numbs her heart
Wonders if she'll ever be good enough
Or if she'll forever be alone
Asks the mirror if
A girl who's never been loved
Can ever learn to love at all
She's beyond hope and expectation
She can't seem to excape the black hole inside
She looks at you with that beautiful smile
And for a moment you forget
The tears in her eyes
But the world is moving on
And that smile is only a mask
For a wound inside
That never truly heals
********************************
Lying in bed
I'm not thinking of you again
A perfect picture in my mind
Why did it have to end?

Envisioning a thousand scenes
Where your heart has changed
You come for me
Taking away my pain

You pull me close
And kiss my neck
Whispering all the words
I need to hear

Inside I feel so numb
Like my heart is missing
In my world I can see
No one else but you

I go thru the days in a fog
Unable to forget
The impossible sunshine
Of the times we shared

How could you have touched me so?
I ask the tears..
Like a cheesy love song
I can't let go

When will my smile be real again?
When will these feelings fade?
Will my heart heal again?
Because I don't think I can take it anymore...
********************************************
There is so much I could have told you
So much you simply didn't know
There were times I tried
But you didn't want to listen
Now when I remember
I wonder why I didn't try harder
Would it have mattered?
Did I even matter to you?
You said all the right things
But it's hard to believe
That you meant any of it
After the coldness in your eyes
That look still bothers me
Because it was so unlike you
So uncaring, insensitive, and without emotion
Why did it have to end that way?
*********************************
As I lie between dreams and reality
Memories of you dance thru my head
A glance, a word, a kiss
That still make me smile

Do you feel it too?
The last time I saw you
The connection still lingered
Between us like before

The old understanding
The same jokes
Those feelings...
That make it hard to let go

But I know I must
If not completely
At least of the tears
That still separate us.
************************
There is something about you
That makes me want to be better
Something that touches my heart
And pushes me just a little more

I know I can tell you anything
Because you will listen and
Probably understand
Better than I would myself

But even better, you will know
Exactly what to say
To untangle my thoughts
And help me find peace again

This is so rare that I can't help
But treasure every moment
And hold on a little too long
When it's time to say good bye
****************************
Every once in a while you find someone
Who can see straight into you
Someone who is there
When the rest of the world turns away
That understands you without question
Because they've listened & they care
They know how you feel &
Why you feel that way when
Everyone else has given up
They know the right jokes to
Chase away the tears &
They're not afraid to tell the truth
Even when it hurts
They'll build you up when you need it
And even when you don't
Through their eyes you learn
Things about yourself
You never would have seen
They teach you about life
And show you all the things
You never took time to notice
They'll make you question your beliefs
But you come out stronger and better for it
And above all they love you
For no rational reason whatsoever
That's my best friend
**********************
Everytime I close my eyes
I see your smiling face
No matter how hard I try
It just won't go away
I keep remembering so much
The words you said to me
Which felt like promises
That would never fade
Sleeping in your arms
Gave me an unspoken happiness
Which now I fear
I'll never have again
I can't begin to imagine
Ever finding someone
Who knows just how to do
The things you did so easily
The way you made me smile
Just by looking at me
I thought I'd found forever
But out of the blue it was gone
You forgot me so easily
While I still can't help but cry
Maybe tomorrow I'll see you
And laugh knowing I've been a fool
And romanticized you in my mind
Or I'll just pretend a little while longer
Dreaming of your smile and
Waiting for another chance
***************************
There you are again
Watching me across the fire
I see the flames dancing in your eyes
As they reach toward my heart
I know I can't let you touch me
Cuz you'd just cut me too deep
But I can't help but want you
To hold me in your arms
And drown me with kisses
Your very presence consumes me
I just want to run away
But I know I don't have the wings
To outrun my feelings
Instead I could chain you to me
And keep you by my side always
But what's the point in taming
Something that's meant to be wild
*****************************************
He asked me what was wrong
And for once I decided to respond
Have you ever just needed someone to trust?
Someone who is always there to listen
Who seems to always understand
And when something goes wrong
Which it always seems to do
Then there would be someone to go to
That would just hold you in their arms
Stroking your hair, while you wept
And whispering all the words you need to hear
Reminding you that tomorrow will come
And today's problems won't seem so bad
And the sun will shine again
Despite the day's dark clouds
And someday we'll laugh
And wonder why we ever cared
Because the things that seem so important now
Won't mean a thing a year from now
Or sometimes even in five minutes
I just wish it didn't right now
**********************************
Speeding down the highway
Feeling the miles fly by
As the static of your last words
Buzzes through my head
The tension drains from my body
As I drift into the sweet melody of memories
The soft hint of green in your eyes
When you're happy
I know in my heart that
I could never love anyone more than you
You are the one that makes me believe
That love is possible
I know I've begun to darken
Because I can see the reflection of it in your eyes
I know I can always count on your honesty
And for this you have earned my trust
Something I guard more closely
Than any precious jewel
I could sit forever
Exchanging stories and secrets
Listening for the softness in your voice
That betrays the strength in your exterior
Knowing I'd do anything to see you smile
Because of how happy you make me
And how very much I need you
******************************
You left me with this scar
Here where it can always be seen
Like a constant reminder
Of those days long ago

It like a mourning
For something unknown
A loss I can't define
An unforgiving sadness

Slowly and almost imperceptibly
It's fading away
Little by little as the days go by
As are my feelings for you

In the beginning my longing for you
Was something insurmountable
Unable to be hidden
Or erased by the sun

Like my thoughts of you
The scar is almsot gone
When it's finally healed
Will I be over you?
********************
There's a void
Where romance used to be
The hope has disappeared
And the light gone out
I ask myself how it changed so much
I feel as if I've lost
Something vital to my soul
I remember the warmth and love
But it's been missing so long
I doubt its return
The pain of this
Has been inside for months
As I wait for something
To ignite me again
Bringing back the energy and smiles
That were my trademark for so long
***********************************
You told me that you love me
What does that even mean?
Enveloped in your arms
I feel so secure
Comforted by your caresses
Longing for a kiss
You close your eyes and
I wonder if you even see me
You touch me so softly
I want to get closer
But I'm so afraid
Of losing myself to you
What do you feel?
What do you see?
How did something so simple
Get so out of hand?
Maybe one day you'll look at me
And see me, instead of thru me.
******************************
Sometimes I feel as if my entire life is made up of one moment
of truth, hidden by a fog of lies. And now even that moment is
gone, marred by too many half-truths and cover-ups, never to be
experienced again. I ask myself what I did to deserve this
loneliness, not a true friend, nor a true love, only quickly
fading dreams that slowly are destroyed by reality as the years pass
*************************************************************
>For Tom:
Memories of the past
Sucking the vibrancy out of each day
I try to drown the pain
But it always seems to come back
Colder and more frightening than ever
I want to find an escape
But all I see is a labrynth
With seemingly no end
I feel tangled in a web of despair
And I wonder how I'll ever forget
I reach out to you
And for a moment I believe
You'll take my hand
And then you turn away
As everyone always does
And I'm left empty
Wondering if the pain ever fades away...
*****************************************
I don't want to live my life in such a way that I'll end up alone.
*************************************************************
Whisper the clouds float away
Put the dance on hold
Find a new game
That you can win
Breathe in the light
And open the sky
Chase away the things
That won't leave you alone
And dive into a different ocean
Where the stars twinkle on & on
********************************
Loneliness
But it's what I deserve
Why aren't I ever enough
Even to myself
I keep reaching for a star
That is beyond me
I look to you
To give it to me
But you don't care enough
To even try
So I turn back
Trying to hide my tears
But I don't think I believe
It matters anymore
******************
Was that a dream?
I thought I was awake
But anymore
It seems so unreal
For anyone to care
Or even look my way
Was there a moment
When you looked at me
and felt something
Or did I imagine it all?
Maybe I'm crazy
Because I believe that
One day it'll all come again
And this time I won't wake up
Ever again
**************
Day after day
I make another mistake
And it makes me wonder
What is it I want?
I thought it was you
Yet I screw it up
Over & over again
Why can't I be happy
With what I have?
Yet I keep searching
And for what
I don't understand
Hope, love, & trust
These seem so out of reach
Maybe one day
I'll realize
What I need the most
Is right here inside of me
***************************
Darkness falls upon me
I breathe it in
Allowing it to envelope my soul
It flows thru my blood
Like a drug seeking something more
I close my eyes
And feel it beat in my heart
Fighting it all away
So I don't have to feel anything
**********************************
i can't stand the way you look at me
like you've never screwed it up before
but what do you know about me
and my life, what i've been through
who i've loved?
so don't sit there and condemn me
when you don't know the first thing about it
walk in my shoes for a day
and then maybe you'll understand
but don't talk behind my back
like you're better than me
when we're all just the same
just not all as likely to make
our mistakes as loudly as i do
but why should i hide who i am
and if it makes me happy
i'll do it again and again
no matter how it seems to you
so go your way and i'll go mine
and we'll see who's happiest in the end
****************************************
i see you across the floor
those brown eyes that could
always make me smile
and i wonder
what i would think
if i could read your mind
i try to get closer to you
and for once you let me
it feels like a dream come true
and as you kiss me
i remember why i still hunger
to be in your arms at night
maybe it was just for this moment
but in my mind, i'd like to believe
that sometimes you wake up late at night
and reach over to pull me close again
and i'm not there
*****************************************
I wish I'd never asked you to dance
I wish you hadn't said yes
Then I wouldn't wonder how
You could go from hot to cold
In no time at all
I should've known better
It seemed too good to be true
When you took my hand
Kissed my lips, and held me close at night
It was like a dream come true
Someone I could talk with
Sit with, sleep with
And feel so completely happy with
All those words were just words
Not meant to last
No one considered the hurt they'd cause
Too warm, too sweet
And too soon faded away
******************************
You are my unicorn
Running in the night
The one I dream of
But doesn't quite exist
A creature of myth
Seemingly so close
Yet still just out of reach
When I close my eyes
I can almost touch you
I can almost remember
Being with you
Even though I know
I never really had you at all
Yet those memories
Of when I had my chance
Keep me going
Even when I realize
You never let me have one
**************************
It's so hard not to cry
Not to feel the hurt
Not to regret all the things
That could have been
But everyday, it's harder to care
And it hurts to realize
That what makes it easier
Is that deep, down inside
I never really thought
I deserved you
I never expected you to love me
But I never expect anyone too
I only hoped you'd stay awhile
And chase my realities away
Make me believe I had a chance
But I guess I already knew better anyway
******************************************
Sometimes I feel like
I'm running through a maze
Trying to find the prize at the end
But time after time
I hit a dead end
I keep wondering if I'll ever
Find my way out
Or if I'll just spend the rest
Of my life wandering
Dreaming of the prize
That others seem to find so easily
***********************************
One day I want someone
To look at me and say
"Let's try"
"Let's take a chance"
Say, "I want to get to know
you better" and mean it
And not walk away when
We start to get close
Someone who won't break my heart
And who'll stay when I'm sad
Someone who'll just love me
Because I'm me
Why does that so much to ask?
*********************************
It's so hard to hate you
When I look at you
And my heart just drowns
I try to pull myself up
So you don't see
How much you hurt me
Yet when I walk away
I want to throw things
Or hurt something
To get all of my anger out
But I could fall into your
arms right now
And let you hold me
While I cry
It's so hard to smile
When I just don't understand
And you just don't seem to care
*********************************
I know your pain
I've known it for way too long
It's so easy to give in
Easier than letting go
You think this is the end
That you'll never feel that good again
But push those feelings away
Or the memories will consume you
You know deep down
Those thoughts are nothing more
Than a fantasy
Of what might have been for a moment or two
But it won't return
No matter how badly you'd like it to
Until one day when you love yourself
Then we can love you too
***************************
When you need someone to hold you
Look to me
When you need a shoulder to cry on
Turn to me
When you need a sympathetic ear
Come to me
You never have to say you're sorry
Or feel no one cares
And if you need to fall
I'll be here to catch you
Just pick up the phone
And you'll never be alone
Even in your darkest moments
I'll hold your hand
Tell me your secrets
And I'll try to understand
Lie in my arms
And I'll chase your dark clouds away
***************************************
Curl up deep inside myself
Find the place where I don't need anyone else
Searching for some kind of warmth
No one else can seem to give
Looking for the love
I cannot live without
Trying to drown the memories
That overwhelm me each day
Bitter tears streaming down
As I look for an end
*************************
One night you held me
And said everything
I'd always wanted to hear
You understood the insanity that is me
And when you kissed me
I saw the fireworks that I thought
Only existed in romance novels
That kiss filled my thoughts
Until I saw you again
We were able to talk for hours
Then one day
I realized it was all a game
And you didn't really care at all
I still have to see you
From time to time
I can't seem to look away
When our eyes meet and
The old feelings come
Flooding to the surface
When I see you unexpectedly
My heart begins its painful beat
And I feel frozen where I stand
I can't help but wonder
If you even notice
Or what goes through
Your mind when you see me
*****************************

this poem has parts of older poems in it, but I think it's one of my better ones,
so go ahead and read a bit of recycled insanity =o)

How could you have touched me so?
You left me with this scar
Like a mourning, for something unknown
A loss I can't define
An unforgiving sadness
Sucking the vibrancy out of each day
I try to escape the pain
But there's seemingly no end
I feel tangled in the memory of you
And wonder how I'll ever forget
That you were the only one who meant
Anything at all
Inside I feel so numb
Like my heart is missing
In my world I can see
No one else but you
I feel as if I've surrendered
Something vital to my soul
Maybe I'm crazy, but I believe
This isn't really the end
***********************************
I'm so tired of being afraid
So tired of holding back
Afraid of getting hurt again
Sleeping alone every night
Trying to imagine who is out there
Wondering about me
I want to let go of the past
But the ghosts are my security
So I can make believe I'm not alone
I know in my heart though
I will meet someone
Who will make all those ghosts fade away
*******************************************
I love you
I don't know how else to say it
But I don't want to hurt you
Like I've hurt so many others
I just don't know how to show you
What I feel
Maybe you can teach me how to
Love myself, so i can truly
Love you, the way you deserve
********************************
How do I say goodbye?
How do I hold you in my arms
Knowing I can never do it again?
You visit me in my dreams
And I awaken, wishing you were there
Everyday, I hope I'll see you one more time
I know it's not healthy
To hold on, when I should let go
But I just want one more day
One more moment
To look in your eyes
Before you really have to leave forever
***************************************
It's just like old times
And you don't make it any easier
Pouring on the charm
I can almost believe
You feel something too
Your smile is so warm and genuine
It seems like it's just for me
You never cease to amaze me
You're so good to me
It makes me wonder
If you believe as I do
That ending us was a mistake
But is it too late to try again?
**********************************
Why does love seem so hard?
For some, it doesn't even seem worth the effort
But this is one point of view
That I can't understand.
How can you care about someone so much
But decide it's easier just to let go
Then to try to fix the things that make us argue.
What is it about people
That they would rather just give up
Then allow the chance for something wonderful to happen
Or the time for some things to resolve themselves

******************************************************

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