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Well, well it has been awhile since I have written in this thing...that is perhaps why my readership has deminished to two people but oh well. A lot has been going on lately...first and foremost, I got my black belt three days ago! IT was a monumentous day for me, despite getting my shoulder dislocated near the end of the review. That was reasonably crummmy since all the fun stuff that I really wanted to do happened immediately afterwards, but oh well these things happen. It is funny, I am having a hard time getting my mind around the concept that I am now a black belt. It is odd how much leads up to something and then it happens and you can't believe it. I have spent so much time thinking about it and looking to it over the past four years and then all of the sudden I wake up one morning and I am wearing it. It is just strange. I suppose it was like graduating from high school except for the fact that high school was never something I particularly enjoyed and was just happy to be done with it. This I worked at on my own for myself and I was looking to achieve rather than just trying to get out so I could go to college. So at anyrate, it is going to take awhile to get through my head that I am in fact a black belt. That is why I keep saying it to myself over and over. Most peole just think I am mumbling incoherently which is just as well in the long run.
So I am enduring a major shake-up friendwise. The issues are a couple of things. First, I don't do any drugs and don't drink so they all get together to get high and drunk and that is it. Nothing else. That is all they do. So I am obviously not included because I don't indulge. The funny thing is that none of these people would know each other if it weren't for me. I think the city's drug dealers should toss me a cut of profit. This whole situation hurts my feelings on many levels. I have known these people for a minimum of 6 years. They aren't supposed to be the sort that ditch you for some smoke but evidently I had them figured wrong.
The next issue is Nicole trying to sabotage my realtionships. She told Mary while I was off renting them movies that the reason we never hooked up was that I was too concieted and stuck on myself and had too bad of a temper for her. Bullshit. The reason we never "hooked-up" is because I said no. For the length of about a year, she was trying to get me to go out with her and I wouldn't do it. I liked our friendship and didn't want to damage our friendship by entering into a romantic one. One of my primary rules for relationships is never date friends. So I said no. Now you may be questioning my sanity in trusting Mary who I have known for considerably less time...well first of all I trust Mary implicitly because I have no reason not to and second, Nicole calls me concieted all the fucking time. Any time I claim to be good at something she tells me I am stuck on myself. I could say something like, 'hey I just got my black belt and I think I did really well at the testing,' and she would say ' God you are so stuck on yourslef(then mocking my voice) I think I did really well.' This is not an exaggeration. Further I came by the knowledge frm Mary in the midst of me bitching about how I am afraid to be proud of myself around people because of what Nicole always did and that is when she told me. It wasn't a hey I am going to smear Nicole campaign. Not that it matters anyway. Last time I did anything with Nicole and Brian was on his birthday and we went to the Rennesance(sp) Festival, which isn't important enough to spell correctly, and we had been planning to do stuff afterwards. On the way home however it became 'hey should we call someone to see if we are going to do anything tonight?' 'no let's wait until we get into town...besides Daniel(Ethan's roommate) is still at work.' I kept waiting for an invitation but none came. they dropped me off at my car and sped away. I went home and sat in the shower and cried. I haven't called Nicole, primarily because I am always the one that makes the effort with her and she never tries to get in touch with me. I know, however, if I did call she would make it all my fault and my temper would get blamed, making no mention of the fact that my alleged temper has greatly deminished over the years and she hasn't personally witnessed it in three years. Oh wait no there was the time that Kim left me with the bill at Karaoke and Nicole said "gee why can't you let it go and have a good time?" evidently my answer of "because I don't have the fucking money to cover it" wasn't good enough. Oh and I was also informed at the festival that I should never mention ex girlfriends because that is apparently all I ever talk about and I should just ignore memories entirely. This from a person who once screamed at me for doing a Swedish Chef impression because a guy she dated for TWO WEEKS had done one once. Furthermore, the ex-girlfriend thing has apparently taken the place of "all you ever talk about is karate" and "all you ever talk about is movies" and "all you ever talk about is video games." It is nice to know someone is there to regulate exactly what I talk about. So anyway I am tired of her shit as a whole package. Here's a quick prediction: She isn't going to call until Brian doesn't want to sleep with her some night because he's tired or because he is playing 15 minutes worth of a video game when she wants to fuck or whatever she happens to want to do and she'll come over here crying and wanting to know if she should break up with him. You know what I am going to tell her then? I am too fucking tired to listen to this and I wouldn't want to fuck you either so just step back and stop calling me only when you need someone to listen to your pathetic shit. Okay I won't say that but I want to...probably I'll just tell her to leave. I have no time or emotional content for fairweather friends.
I would say that in a general sense, my life is going well. The friend issue is obviously not good, but I still have Marsh and Chris and all of my karate friends so I am okay. My home life has settled down now. Things with Holly are much better and I am getting along with my parents well again. Oh and an update on Matt...the treatments are working...most of the cancer is going into remission and only one tumor remains. THe doctors are very hopeful. That is the best news of it all.
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