Entry29

3-11-99

Well it has been awhile since I journaled...Not a whole lot has happened since last time...Nicole and I have had a long talk and I think we have worked out our problems which is good. She is still on probation with me though, I am not sure how it is going to go but hopefully a friendship can still work.

well it is my birthday on monday and I am not sure at all how I feel about that. 23 isn't really a big number in the abstract but it really represents something for me...I don't know how to explain it but it feels like childhood is definitively over. You can drag it out for awhile but not anymore. I feel the need for more responsibility.I am no longer satisfied with living with my parents and having them take care of everything. I never felt I could do it before, always worried about that but I think that I was just scared and not really wanting to no matter what I said. Now it is different, I want the responsibility I want to be on my own. I feel like I am stagnating here, not moving forward. I have been relatively shiftless and dissatisfied and I think this is why.

My parents and I are not having trouble in particular, but I think we will soon...they are starting to get under my skin and I think dad wants me to go anyway...he made something like five references to me moving out last night and I haven't mentioned to it to them yet. So I think it would be mutually benificial.

Other than that everything else is going fine. Mary and I are doing very well although I am worried about her a bit. She has been having some odd heart palapations and trouble breathing. This obviously worries me quite a bit. She's going to the doctor next week and I am somewhat anxious. It seems to be the age of health problems...my dad is having knee surgery as I write this, I have to go get x-rays done on my shoulder, my uncle is recovering from triple bi-pass, matt still has cancer, Mary's sister is having problems with her eyes...it is just one thing after another.

Well that is it for now, there'll be more whining later heehee

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