CHAPTER FOUR
A WORD WITH THE SPONSOR
What'll it Be, Tea, Coffee or Sex?
People have different views of the importance of sex. To some, it's just a natural urge. It is what you do if you want to with someone you like… not much more important than having a cup of coffee together… just part of normal dating. They expect to have sexual relationships with a number of people during their lifetime.
Others, however, have a deeper view of sex. They believe that during intercourse, something more significant happens, and a couple are linked, not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually as well. They would support this view with the fact that people are so deeply hurt when a relationship which has become sexual goes wrong.
The significance of anything is related to the identity of the maker and the reason it was made. In case of sexuality, therefore, it seems sensible to have a word with the designer. God is the creator, so we turn to the Bible because it is the creator's handbook for living. (I don't have room here to outline evidence for life on earth occurring by design rather than chance, and for the Bible being supervised by God… ).
God has a lot to say about sex and relationships in the Bible… not surprisingly really when you understand how much he cares about us. To get our thinking on a firm foundation we need to ask…
GOD'S DESIGN - How Good?
God created our sexuality. It was his idea. It didn't catch him by surprise. It wasn't an accident. It didn't become naughty while he was putting it all together. In fact, because God is good and everything God created was good, sex and sexuality are good. Get it? Let me say it again. "Sex and sexuality are good!" Let me expand on that.
SEX AND SEXUALITY ARE GOOD!
There is a young woman who had attended a strict religious boarding school. She said the girls were told that when they took a shower they should wear their underwear so that they didn't look at those parts of their own bodies that were… you know… a bit naughty. This idea has been promoted in the past by certain groups in Christian history. It influenced culture and in old Victorian England. I've heard some people even covered their shaped table legs so they didn't look seductive. The mind boggles.
Other, less religious people have picked up an attitude of sex being a bit rude. I recall walking into a lecture theatre during my university studies and on the blackboard, a student had written in large letters something like… 'Smile if you had a naughty this morning.' What the lecturer did I can't remember; probably blushed.
WHY SEX AND WHAT FOR?
To produce babies of course. We all know that (if you didn't, have a quiet chat with your mother) but aren't there other reasons for sex being the way it is? Of course there are.
Let's think it through. Why does anyone create a work of art? Because they want to express themselves through it. God is an artist. He is a God of love, joy, purity, commitment, communication and creativity. The Bible says: "Marriage should be honoured by all and the marriage bed kept pure." Hebrews 13:4.
In fact God uses this human experience to picture the spiritual relationship between Jesus and the Church. Jesus is referred to as the bridegroom, and the group of all true Christian people as the bride that God the Father is preparing to present to him. God wouldn't use something second rate to picture this. Marriage and sexuality must be good.
Having understood that sexuality is a good work of art from God it seems sensible to expect that it has a lot to offer to a couple who are committed to one another for life. Let's look at some of these design features.
1. Creativity… Producing unique human beings. In spite of science, it is still the best method.
2. Pleasure. I guess big families have fun loving parents.
3. Relaxation and the release of tension. The hormone system is closely related to the nerve system. There are other ways to unwind though, so this isn't an excuse to indulge before the proper time.
4. Communication. This can happen at a very deep level between a man and a woman during the sex experience.
5. Commitment. Sex can powerfully express the giving of oneself to a wife or husband.
6. Binding two people together. This is very important. When a man and a woman have sexual intercourse, they are being joined together. Obviously this happens physically and the two separate again but emotionally and spiritually something more permanent has happened. The Bible describes this experience in Genesis 2:24. "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh"
I have noticed this interesting phenomenon in couples whom I know. Once such couple started going out together, got all lovey dovey, became engaged and presumably kept things more or less under control until the big day. Before this, though spending time together it was obvious they were two independent people. Then came their public wedding (marriage) and their private wedding (sexual intercourse). Now while they are still two distinct individuals, there is a oneness, an unspoken understanding, communication between them. Really great to see. I believe this to be partly due to the binding effect of sex, especially at a first experience.
WEDDINGS ARE STILL IN
Marriage as God intended to be involves leaving home, establishing a new home as a married couple and being united sexually. This is a lifelong commitment.
Different cultures have different approaches to the form of ceremony. A couple in my home town got married waist deep in the sea. I wonder if the minister felt he was out of his depth! The style of wedding however is less important than the fact that the marriage is being publicly announced.
The other important ingredient for marriage is the love that God insists on. This is a commitment to the well being of one another, and makes a home a great place to be brought up.
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