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Saturday, December 13, 3:00 p.m., Stamford Bridge Football Stadium (top left), London. Are You Ready for Some Football? I don’t think Hank Williams Jr. would recognize any of the players, and Frank and Al and Dan are nowhere to be found, but I am at the kick-off of my first English football (soccer) game.

The game is between two of the best teams in the Premier League, Chelsea FC (Football Club), currently in second place and Leeds United, currently in fifth. Chelsea, a borough that is part of greater London, is the home team and Leeds, a major city in the Northeast, is visiting. The crowd of about 40,000 represents a sell-out.

The English football leagues have an interesting structure that preserves local traditions while rewarding those teams that are truly dedicated to winning. Here’s how it works: There are several divisions – Premier League, First Division, Second Division and so forth. Every town has a team. At the end of the year the bottom three teams in each league are "relegated" to the next division down and the top three teams move up to the higher division. So if a team, like say the L.A. Clippers, are doormats, they are relegated down while teams focused on winning are rewarded and move up in league. This effectively keeps teams from city hopping and rewards overall performance.

The game begins without much fanfare; The players run out on the field, gather around the ball, and the game starts. The crowd, 95% male, is immediately into the game. Spontaneous songs erupt in various corners of the stadium as the crowd sways back and forth. Once the game begins, it’s on for 45 minutes straight, a 15 minute half-time, and another 45 minute half. In fact, there’s not even a game clock. It’s kept on the field and the fans just check their watches.

The fans are intense. There’s very little conversation, except for occasional wide-ranging comments on the game. One moment it’s "you F***ing Bastard, get on with it" followed almost immediately by a "Oh dear, that was lovely, wasn’t it?" Both comments from the same loyal fan.

I must admit I was somewhat apprehensive about attending a game. The incidents of English football hooliganism are well documented. But, I was going with a couple of co-workers who assured me that those days were history.

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Arriving at the Fulham Broadway Underground stop did not calm my fears. The police were there early, flying the flag. Dozens of mounted police, forming a complete line from the tube stop to the stadium, some half mile away, screamed of deterrence. These were not the same friendly Bobbies that patrol near Picidilly Circus for the tourists.

I wasn’t comforted when my colleague saw where I was sitting (I had to purchase my ticket separately) and simply said "hmmmmmm." "It looks like you are in with ‘the lads.'" I immediately had visions of being pinned down, having my head shaven and my nipples pierced. Good thing I had my company picture made last month. In the end however, one of the guys volunteered to swap tickets with me (he apparently felt that "the lads" were just misunderstood). We never saw him again.

The game itself was terrific. The fans were exceptional; very knowledgeable of the game, intense – but not boorish, and completely into the game. I saw far more coffee consumed than beer.

Leeds had two players "red-carded," or ejected from the game in the first half. A team is not able to replace players given red cards, so Leeds played the entire second half down two players. Chelsea attacked in wave after wave but Leeds hung tough and the game ended in a 0-0 tie.

On the train home as I reflected on the game, I thought how different it was from an American game. There were no cheerleaders, no loud rock music, no fireworks, no instant replays, no TV timeouts, no two-minute warning, no marching bands and not even a game clock. There was just simply the contest.

While all of those things certainly add color and pageantry to our American games, there is something to be said for the simplicity and dignity of the game itself. Does dancing the Macarena add to the game, or does it trivialize it? Are we really served with indoor fireworks and laser light displays for a yawner of an NBA game, or would some additional hustle and a better crowd understanding of the pick-and-roll play add to the game. Finally, would we continue to see the degeneration of sportsmanship if players who foul out (or commit personal fouls) are not replaced during the game?

I don’t know, but I will be back at Stamford Bridge looking for answers.

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rkrieger@ix.netcom.com