Racist Jokes

Q. What is the definition of Italian paratroopers?

A. Air pollution.

Q. How do you break an Italians finger?

A. Punch him in the nose.

Q. Why can't they do a nativity play in Italy?

A. Because they can't find three wise men and a virgin.

Q. Why have Italians got big nostrils?

A. Because they've got thick fingers.

Q. What is the definition of an Ethiopian army helmet?

A. A roofing nail.

Q. What do they call a six stone Ethiopian?

A. Fatso.

Q. What is the fastest thing on two wheels?

A. A Jew riding a bike through Berlin in 1941.

Q. A Jewish Santa Claus came down the chimney and said:

A. "Anyone want to buy a present ?"

Q. How can you tell a Jewish household during Christmas?

A. Parking meter on the roof.

Q. How can you tell a Jewish household at Easter?

A. Rabbit traps on the front lawn.

Q. How can you tell a Jews back yard?

A. Toilet paper on the clothes line.

Q. Why have Jews got big noses?

A. Air's free.

Q. What goes black, pink, black, pink, black, pink, white?

A. A nigger wanking.

Q. Why have Niggers got white palms and soles?

A. That's because of how the spray painters stack them.

Q. Why do they call Aboriginals Boongs?

A. That's the sound they make when they bounce off your bumper bar.

Q. What do they put at the top of Irish extension ladders?

A. A stop sign.

Q. Did you hear about the Irish water polo team?

A. They drowned six horses before half time.

Q. What do you call an Irishman with a finger up his bum?

A. A brain surgeon.

Q. What's black and hangs from wires?

A. An Irish electrician.

Q. Why do they bury Irishmen with their bums in the air?

A. Bike racks.

Q. Why do Irish dogs have short noses?

A. From chasing parked cars.

Q. How do you make an Irishman dizzy?

A. Put him in a barrell and tell him to piss in the corner.

Q. What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

A. Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job.

Q. Why do Pakistani's carry shit in their wallets?

A. For identification.

Q. How do you get a tissue to dance?

A. Blow a boogie into it.

Q. Did you hear about the queer Indian?

A. He jumped into the canoe, took 3 strokes and shot across the lake.

Q. How do you get an Iranian girl pregnant?

A. Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

Q. What's the brown stuff between elephant's toes?

A. Slow natives.

Q. What's better than two roses on your piano?

A. Two lips on your organ.

Q. Did you hear about the new Irish parachute?

A. It opens on impact.

Q. What do you have when your up to your ankles in niggers?

A. Afro turf.

Q. Why are icehockey goalkeepers and West Indian girls alike?

A. They both change their pads after three periods.

Q. How do you save a drowning nigger?

A. Throw him an anchor.

Q. Why do women have two holes so close together?

A. In case you miss.

Q. What's black and runs through the desert at 100 mph?

A. An Ethiopian with a McDonald's voucher.

Q. What do you call an Ethiopian with a rat?

A. A vegetarian.

Q. What do you call an Ethiopian with two rats?

A. A caterer.

Q. What do you do if you find an epileptic having a fit in a bath?

A. Throw in your washing.

Q. What does it say on a Negro epileptic's ID card?

A. Help! I'm not break-dancing.

Q. What do you give a deaf, dumb and blind thalidomide victim for Xmas?

A. Cancer.

Q. What's the hardest thing about cooking vegetables in a microwave?

A. Getting the wheelchair through the door.

Q. Did you hear about the spastic who won a disco competition?

A. He got up to have a drink.

Q. Why do farts smell?

A. So that deaf people can enjoy them.

Q. How do you know if your house has been burgled by a Kiwi?

A. Your cat's been raped and your thongs are missing.

Q. How do you know if your house has been burgled by an Asian?

A. Your cat's missing and your homework has been done.

Q. How does a Tasmanian know if his mother is menstruating?

A. His brother's dick tastes different.

Q. What is an Aboriginal vibrator?

A. Eight blowfiles in a sherry bottle.

Q. Why do Italian boys grow moustaches?

A. So they can look like their mothers.

Q. What do you throw a drowning Vietnamese?

A. His wife and family.

Q. How many Russians does it take to change a light globe?

A. You don't have to change it. They all glow in the dark.

Q. What do you call and uncircumised Jewish baby?

A. A girl.

Q. What's yellow and smells like bananas?

A. Monkey vomit.

Q. What's green and smells of pork?

A. Kermit's finger.

Q. What's green and hangs in trees?

A. Giraffe Snot.

Q. What's red and hangs in trees?

A. A monkeys miscarriage.

Q. Why are camels called ships of the desert?

A. Because they're always full of Arab semen.

Q. What's crunchy and taps on glass?

A. A baby in a microwave.

Q. What's red and has seven dents?

A. Snow White's cherry.

Q. What do soya beans and dildos have in common?

A. They are both meat substitutes.

Q. How can you tell a head nurse?

A. She's the one with the dirty knees.

Q. What's worse than getting raped by Jack the Ripper?

A. Getting fingered by Captian Hook.

Q. What's invisible and smells like carrots?

A. Bunny farts.

Q. How can you tell Dolly Parton's kids in a group?

A. They're the ones with stretch marks around their lips.

Q. Why were the Jews wondering in the desert for 40 days/nights?

A. Someone dropped a dollar coin.

Q. Did you hear about the poofter who broke his leg at the golf course?

A. He fell off the ball washer.

Q. How do you make a skeleton?

A. Put a leper in front of a fan.

Q. How do you make a leper?

A. Throw meat pies at a skeleton.

Q. Hear about the Kiwi who won the Tour De France?

A. Did a lap of honour.

Q. Why did Hitler fail his driving licence?

A. He was too heavy on the gas.

Q. Why do New Zealand racehorses run so fast?

A. Because they've seen what happens to the sheep.

Q. What do you call an abo in a bombed out kingswood with no wheels?

A. A tenant.

Q. Why wouldn't the Kiwi man become a Jeovah witness?

A. Because he hadn't seen the accident.

Q. What did the little black boy say when he had diehrea?

A. Mummy Mummy, I'm melting.

Q. Who was Alexander Graham Polaski?

A. The first telephone Pole.

Q. What do you call a Mexican Baptism?

A. Bean Dip.

Q. What do you call an aboriginal on a hunger strike?

A. Unleaded.

Q. Why is a pool table green?

A. If someone hit your balls with a stick, you'd be green too.

Q. Why is a fire engine red?

A. If someone pulled your hose, you'd be red too.

Q. Why does Peter Pan fly high?

A. If someone hit your peter with a pan, you'd fly high too.

Q. Why did the moron bring a ladder to the party?

A. He heard the drinks were on the house.

Q. How does a blind parachutist know when he's going to hit the ground?

A. When his dog's leash goes slack.

Q. What's grosser than gross?

A. Jumping off the Empire State Building and getting an eyelid

caught on a nail.

Q. How did the Italians comes to Australia?

A. One swam over and the rest walked over on the oil slick.

Q. What do you call a man with a car on his head?

A. Jack.

Q. What do you call a man with a spade through his head?

A. Doug.

Q. What's the definition of dangerous?

A. An epileptic lepper.

Q. What goes plop plop plop?

A. A lepper on a diving board.

Q. Why do elephants wear condoms on their feet?

A. Because if they step on you, you're fucked.

Q. What are the hardest 3 years for New Zealanders?

A. Third grade.

Q. What do you call a Tasmanian with an IQ of 176?

A. Hobart.

Q. What does an abo call a sheet of corrugated iron?

A. A doona.

Q. What's the difference between parsley and pussy?

A. Nobody eats parsley.

Q. What do you call a Kiwi with 300 wives?

A. A shepherd.

Q. Hear about the Kiwi prisoner they found dead in his cell

with 12 bumps on his head?

A. He tried to hang himself with a rubberband.

Q. What do you call a girl with a toothpick through her clit?

A. Olive.

Q. What is the difference between a computer and a woman?

A. A computer won't laugh at a three-and-a-half inch floppy.

Q. What is the definition of suspicion?

A. When your hot dogs got veins.

Q. What's the definition of a diaphram?

A. A trampoline for dickheads.

Q. What do you get if you stand under a cow?

A. A pat on the head.

Q. Why should you drink apple juice for breakfast?

A. Because O.J. kills people.

Q. What does Ayrton Senna and Pink Floyd have in common?

A. They've both had hits with "The Wall".

Q. What's red and climbs womens stockings?

A. Home sick abortions.

Q. What's the difference between a woman and a bike?

A. Dunno, never ridden a bike.

Q. Why can't Jesus eat peanuts?

A. They keep on rolling through the holes in his hands.

There was an old lady from Totenham, Who used to make pies and put snot

in them, She used the turds. From the various birds, And pulled off the

dogs til they shot in'em.

There was a young man from Hucket, Who's cock was that long he could suck

it, He said with a grin, With the Spoof on his chin, If my ear was a cunt I

could fuck it.

There once was a bloke named Green, Who invented a wanking machine, On

the ninety nineth stroke, The bloody thing broke, And mashed his balls in

to cream.

This polish guy walks into a drug store and says to the clerk "I would like to

buy a condom.". The clerk says "That will be 25 cents". The polish guy says

"Great, I'll by 4". The clerk says "That will be a dollar and eight cents".

The polish guy says "What's the eight cents for?" The clerk says "Tax." The

polish guy says "Oh, that's what you hold them on with".

A lady was inside of an elevator and she had to fart really bad. She thought

to herself "What am I going to do if someone comes in and smells I'm going to

be so embarrassed." Then she thought "If I spray this can of Pine air freshner

noone will ever know what I did." so she farted and one floor later a biker

stepped in and the lady said "What does it smell like in here?" The biker

replied "It smells like someone shit a Christmas tree in here."

A man traveling by plane was in urgent need of using the men's room. Each

time that he tried the door, it was occupied. The stewardess, aware of his

predicament suggested that he use the ladies room, but cautioned him against

pressing any of the buttons on the wall. The buttons were marked WW, WA, PP,

an ATR. Eventually, his curiosity go the better of him sitting there. He

carefully pressed the first button marked WW and immediately warm water

sprayed over his entire ass. He thought, "Golly, the gals really have it

made." Still curious, he pressed the button marked WA and warm air dried his

ass completely. He thought that this was out of this world. The button

marked PP yielded a large powder puff which powdered his bottom lightly with

powder. Naturally, he just couldn't resist the last on marked ATR. When he

woke up in the hospital, he panicked and buzzed for the nurse, and when she

appeared, he cried out, "What Happened?" "The last thing I remember, I was in

the ladies room aboard a plane."

The nurse replied, "Yes, you were having a great time until you pressed the

button ATR, which stands for Automatic Tampon Remover. Your penis is under your

pillow."

There were these three old guys sitting around at a rest home, discussing

their health. The first guy, 70 years old, said "I just wish I was still able

to take a good PISS!".

The second guy, 80 years old, said "Yeah, me too. But more than anything, *I*

wish I could still take a good SHIT!"

The third old codger, at 90 years of age, said "I take a good PISS every

morning about 7:30 AM. Then, about 9:20, I take a good SHIT. I just wish I

could wake up earlier than ELEVEN...."

One day, a jogger passed by a middle-aged woman sitting in her wheel-chair by

the lake in the park. She was crying profusely. The man approached her and

asked her what was wrong, to which she replied, "I'm 42 years old and I've

never been kissed." The man looked around to make sure that no one was

looking, pulled the woman up out of her chair, and gave her a kiss. She

stopped crying, and a smile broke across her face. The next day, the same man

passed the same woman who was crying in the same chair, by the same lake, in

the same park. He approached her and asked her what was wrong to which she

replied "I'm 42 years old and I've never been fucked." The man made sure no

one was looking,got her blanket and streched it out on the grass, then reached

down and lifted the woman out of the chair, and placed her on the blanket. He

then got hold of her wheelchair and threw it in the lake. He turned to the

women and said "Now you're fucked!"

There once lived a man with a maddening passion for baked beans, he loved them

but they always had an embarrassing somewhat odorous action on him. However,

one day he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they

would marry he thought to himself, "She's such a sweet gentle girl, she'll

never go for this carrying on." So he made a supreme sacrifice and gave up

baked beans, and they were married. Some months later his car broke down on

the way home and since he lived in the country and would have to walk home he

telephoned his wife and told her he would be late. On the way home he passed

a small eating place and the fresh smell of baked beans was overwhelming.

Since he still had several miles to walk, he figured that the walk would

neutralise any ill effects before he got home - so he stepped in and ate three

large orders of baked beans. All the way home he phut-phutted merrily along,

so he felt reasonably safe when he got to his front door. His wife, quite

excited at his arrival said, "Darling, I have the most wonderfull surprise for

your dinner tonight", and then blind-folded him and led him to the dinner

table. He seated himself and just as she was about to remove the blind-fold,

the telephone rang. She made him promise not to undo the blind-fold until she

returned and then went to answer the phone. He seized the chance to and shifted

his weight to one leg and let fly. It was not only loud but ripe. He took

his napkin and vigorously fanned the air about him. He just had things back

to normal when he felt another explosion coming. With amazing rapidity he

shifted his weight to the other leg and let go again. This one was a true

prize winner. He again had to clear the air as best as he could, keeping his

ear glued to the conversation in the hall. He went on like this for some four

or five minutes until he heard the farewells on the phone. He arranged his

plate, silverware and napkin as well as he could in front of him folding his

arms on the edge of the table and smiling slightly awaited the return of his

wife. After apologising for taking so long she asked if he had peeped and he

truthfully stated that he had not. With a flourish and a smile, she removed

the blind-fold and there to his surprise... Were twelve guests around his

dinning table.

Three old ladies were sitting on a bench when a flasher walked up to them and

showed them his endowments. The first old lady had a stroke , the second lady

had a stroke, the third old ladie's arms were too short to reach.

This boy has been dating this girl for quite a long time when she finally

talks him into meeting her mother. The couple decide to go to dinner first

and then go to meet her mother. Well the boy is not looking forward to

meeting the mother at all. When they arive at mother's home, the girl and her

boyfriend sit on the sofa and the mother sits in a chair arcoss the room.

Sitting at the end of the sofa next to the boy is the family dog named

"Brutis". Well the boy, being nervous and all has developed a bad case of

gas. The conversation is going well but the boy just can't hold it any longer

and lets out a little fart. The mother speeks up and says "BRUTIS". The boy

thinks "This is great, they think it was the dog". Times passes and he again

lets another fart. Again the mother says "BRUTIS". The boy now thinks he has

it made so he lets out one big final FART. The mother stands up and says

"BRUTIS get yourself over here before he shits on you!!"

A woman is taking a shower when the doorbell rings. "Who is it" she yells

from the shower. "The blind man" he replies. So she gets out of the shower and

goes to the door, absolutely naked. She opens the door. The man says, "Nice

breasts, where do you want your blinds!"

The Lone Ranger and Tonto were riding across the plains when

they stopped so Tonto could dismount and put his ear to the

ground. A moment later, Tonto rose and said, "Buffalo go this

way less than one hour ago." "Amazing," said the Lone

Ranger. "How can you tell?"

"Fresh buffalo shit on my ear!"

The good doctor had been an inspiration to the jungle natives. He had cured

their sick and taught them the religoius and moral values of his own England.

He was loved and respected by every native in the village, but on this

particular afternoon the chief was obviously troubled as he entered the

doctor's hut.

"You live among my people long time now," said the chief. "You tell us not

right for man and girl to be close together before marriage and we believe what

you say. This morning white child born to woman in village. You only white

man in village. What I tell my people?"

The doctor smiled and led the chief to a window. "My son," he said, "I won't

attempt to give you a full scientific explanation for the phenomenon known as

an albino. But look upon the flock of sheep upon that hill. Every one is snow

white except one. The white baby born to the woman in your village means

nothing more or less than that one black sheep in the white flock. It is

simply one of natures mysterious accidents."

The black chief became embarrassed and looked at his feet. "OK, doc," he said.

"You no tell - I no tell.'

A woman comes out of a supermarket and drops two eggs and a bottle of

tomato sauce. While she is looking at the mess, another woman comes up

and says "Never mind dear. Its eyes were too far apart in any case"

A woman chatted up this guy in a pub (this IS the '90s), and they ended up

back at the woman' house, in the bedroom. This fellow had just taken off his

pants, when the woman pointed to his tackle, and said, "Why do you have one

black ball and one white ball?"

"Because I'm a one eyed Collingwood supporter," he replied.

Then she got her gear off, and the bloke noticed that she had one white flap,

and one black one.

"So you're a Collingwood supporter too," the man noted.

"No mate," she said, spreading her legs. "Saint Kilda."

There was a doctor who was retiring so the doctor who was going to take over

came in and had a look around. The old doctor showed the new doctor some of

his patients' problems. He was shown one man and the new doctor said "How come

that bloke is wanking himself " and the old doctor replied "This man's problem

is that he creates too much sperm, so he wanks to relieve himself". The

new doctor said "Thats understandable" and they move of to the next man". They

open the door and then he sees a nurse giving head to another bloke, so the new

doctor said "What's this bloke's problem ?" and the doctor replied "This bloke

has the same trouble as the last bloke, except this bloke is a member of MBF so

he has more benifits"

A father is about to have a shower and his daughter says to him "Daddy, can I

have a shower with you ?" and the father says "Sure okay" and they get in the

shower and the daughter asks the father "Daddy, what's that ?" and he said

"That my Penis darling" and she replied "When do I get one ?" and the father

said "In a few minutes when you mum leaves the room".

There was a man who began to have a terrible problem: every time he passed

gas, he made the sound "Honda". This puzzled every doctor he saw, until

finally one physician decided to call Japan and speak to someone at the Honda

factory. He finally was put in touch with the company doctor who suggested

that he have his patiend see his dentist to check for an abscessed tooth.

Sure enough, that's what the problem was. The tooth was taken care of, and

the problem went away. The doctor was so amazed that the Japanese doctor

could do this without even seeing the man, that he called him back. The

Japanese doctor explained it was simple: "Abscess makes the fart go Honda."

There were two church-going women gossiping in front of the country store when

a dusty old cowboy rode up. He tied up in front of the saloon, walk around

behind his horse, lifted it's tail and kiss the horse full on it's asshole.

Repulsed, one of the women asked, "That's disgusting, why did you do THAT?"

To which the cowboy reply, "I've got cracked lips."

Confused, the woman continued, "Does that make them feel better?"

"No, but it stops me from licking them!"

There was a guy who threw a party and said to everybody "come dressed as an

emotion". Of course this attracted a wide variety of costumes, but there was

an extraordinary bunch of latecomers who decided to show up. The host opened

the door, and much to his surprise, a naked man walked in - covered in blue

body paint. The host, naturally shocked said: "What the hell are you supposed

to be???" The man casually replied:

"I have the blues". Another man walked in, also naked, this time covered

in green body-paint...

"And what the hell are you???" the host asked.

"I'm green with envy." Yet another man walked in. This man was also

naked, but had a pear stuck on his dick. This was much more than the host

had expected.

"What the fuck are YOU supposed to be???"

"I am in dispair" the man replied, stroking the pear.

The host, after seeing this, could no longer be shocked... and yet another

guest strolled in. This guy was naked as well, with his dick in a bowl of

custard. The host, nearly ready to faint, asked him what HE was...

"I am fucking discusted" the man explained.

And another man walked in with his dick in a coconut.

"I'm fucking nuts."

A television interviewer was doing a documentary on the customs of American

Indians. While touring a reservation during the filming she was puzzled as to

why the difference in the number of feathers in the head dresses.

So she asked a brave who only had one feather in his head dress and his reply

was: "Me only have one squaw, me only have one feather." Feeling the brave

was only jokine she asked another brave. This brave had four feathers in his

head dress. He explained: "Uggh, me have four feather because me sleep with

four squaws."

Still not convinced that the number of feather indicated the number of squaws

involved, she decided to interview the chief.

Now the chief had a head dress full of feathers which needless to say amused

the interviewer. She asked the chief: "Why do you have so many feather in

your head dress?" The chief proudly pounded his chest and said: "Me big chief,

me fuck them all - big, small, fat, tall, me fuck them all!"

Horrofied, the interviewer stated: "You ought to be hung!"

The chief replied: "You damn right. Me hung like a buffalo, long like a snake,

me big chief, me fuck them all!"

The interviewer cried: "You don't have to be so hostile." The chief replied:

"Hoss-style, dog-style, wolf-style. Me big chief, me fuck them all!"

With tears in her eyes the interviewer cried: "Oh dear!"

The chief said: "No deer - asshole too high, fuckers run too.

Mary had a little lamb,

The doctors were suprised,

but when Old MacDonald had a farm,

They couldn't believe their eyes!

Mary had a little lamb,

her father shot it dead.

Now it goes to school each day,

between two bits of bread.

Mary Had a little Sheep,

And with that sheep she went to sleep

The sheep turned out to be a Ram,

And Mary had a little Lamb.

Mary had a little lamb,

She tied it to the pylon.

Ten thousand volts shot up its bum,

And turned its fleece to nylon.

Mary had a little lamb,

It's fleece was black as charcoal.

And everywhere the little lamb went,

sparks shot out it's arsehole.

Sex is a real problem in the 1990's:

If you sleep with a Woman you get Herpes.

If you sleep with a Man you get AIDS.

If you sleep alone you get R.S.I.

The American says: "Pass the sugar, sugar."

The British says: "Pass the honey, honey."

The Australian says: "Pass the tea, bag."

When roses are red, they're ready for plucking,

When girls are 16......

Black kid: Mum, how come I have the biggest cock in fourth grade?

Mum: It's because you're 17.

A pussy is like a potato chip - You can't eat just one.

Your father screwed a plant and raised a blooming idiot.

I wouldn't spit in your ear if your brain was on fire.

If clues were shoes, you'd go barefoot.

If my dog had a face like yours, I'd shave it's ass and make it walk backwards.

Better not sit down: Brain damage is irreversable.

I heard you were such an ugly kid your mother breast fed you through a straw.

She's so ugly, it looks like her face was on fire and

someone put it out with a chain.

Your mum was so fat her school photo's were aerial shots.

TWENTY TYPES OF PEOPLE YOU MIGHT MEET IN THE MEN'S ROOM

EXCITABLE: shorts half twisted around, cannot find hole, rips shorts.

SOCIABLE: joins friends in piss whether he has to or not.

CROSSEYES: looks into next urinal to see how the other guy is fixed.

TIMID: cannot piss if someone is watching, flushes urinal, comes back later.

INDIFFERENT: all urinals being used, pisses in sink.

CLEVER: no hands, fixes tie, looks around and usually pisses on floor.

FRIVOLOUS: plays stream up, down and across urinals, tries to hit fly or bug.

WORRIED: not sure of where he has been lately, makes quick inspection.

ABSENT-MINDED: opens vest, pulls out tie, pisses in pants.

CHILDISH: pisses directly in bottom of urinal, likes to see it bubble.

SNEAK: farts silently while pissing, acts very innocent, knows man in next

stall will get blamed.

PATIENT: stands very close for a long while waiting, reads with free hand.

DESPERATE: waits in long line, teeth floating, pisses in pants.

TOUGH: bangs dick on side of urinal to dry it.

EFFICIENT: waits until he has to crap, then does both.

FAT: backs up and takes a blind shot at urinal, pisses in shoe.

LITTLE: stands on box, falls in, drowns.

DRUNK: holds left thumb in right hand, pisses in pants.

DISGRUNTLED: stands for a while, gives up, walks away.

CONCEITED: holds two inch dick like a baseball bat.

BOBBING FOR APPLES: Using the finger to unclog a severely constipated man.

F.L.K.: "Funny-looking Kid" Usually a mongoloid.

F.L.P.: Parents of an F.L.K.

CUT AND PASTE: To open a patient, discover that there is no hope, and

immediately sew him up. Well, almost immediately. Sometimes young

surgeons practice surgical techniques for a while first.

ROAD MAP: Injuries incurred by going through a car windshield face first.

A HOLE-IN-ONE: A gunshot wound through the mouth or rectum.

SIDEWALK SOUFFLE: A patient who has fallen from a building.

LOOSE CHANGE: A dangling limb in need of amputation.

BULL IN THE RING: A blocked large intestine.

GONE CAMPING: Reference to a patient in an oxygen tent.

EATING IN: Intravenous feeding.

SCRATCH AND SNIFF: A gynecological examination.

BUGS IN THE RUG: Pubic lice.

CRISPY CRITTUR: A patient with severe burns.

When we celebrate NATIONAL CONDOM WEEK next:

Here's a list of possible slogans to promote National Condom Week:

1. Cover your stump before you pump.

2. Before you attack her, wrap your whacker.

3. Don't be silly. Protect your willy.

4. When in doubt, shroud your sprout.

5. Don't be a loner, cover your boner.

6. You can't go wrong if you shield your dong.

7. If you're not going to sack it, go home and whack it.

8. If you think she's spunky, cover your monkey.

9. If you slip between her thighs, be sure to condomize.

10. It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter.

11. She won't get sick if you wrap your dick.

12. If you go into heat, package your meat.

13. While your undressing venus, dress up that penis.

14. When you take off her pants and blouse, suit up your trouse mouse.

15. Especially in December, gift wrap your member.

16. Never, never deck her with an unwrapped pecker.

17. Don't be a fool, vulcanize your tool.

18. The right selection! Protect your erection.

19. Wrap it in foil before checking her oil.

20. A crank with armour will never harm her.

21. No glove, no love!