Annoy your friends with a hilarious range of harassing e-mail questionnaires and such
Annoy your friends with a hilarious range of harassing e-mail
questionnaires and such
In this bright new age of worldwide communication, digital technology,
fibre optics, instantaneous data flow and greater understanding, a lot of people seem interested in more philistine
pursuits, such as talking to people they don't even really like over the internet....and, of course, hardcore porn. Since Mule
HQ© realises that no-one really cares about long-distance internet conferencing or other 'mature'
uses of this wondrous computing golden age*, we instead on this page provide a much more required service: stuff
to cram e-mails with. Sorry. No porn though. ....So enjoy as "The site furthest behind the trends" presents a range of new spins on old ideas guaranteed
to make your e-mails brim
with mediocrity.
Section 1: Those inane, yet strangely compelling e-mail
questionnaires about your personal life
Now, all e-mail and internet users should be familiar
with these: Those e-mails that go from friend to friend and provide a series of generic questions about life which
are answered and sent back - If you're not familiar with these, click here to see some examples that I have filled out in the past. These e-mails can be fun for
a while, but then one of a few things happen: In observing this trend I have realised that you
need to spice things up to keep them interesting - Just like elderly married couples that take up bondage. To assist
this much-needed process, I have prepared - linked below - a few questionnaires of my own that are sure to excite
you and your friends. Or maybe just offend your friends....But how do you know until you try?...
Section 2:
Those e-mails with all the dirty pictures
of beloved cartoon characters having sex
Filth. Smut. Depravity. Sex. Filthy,
Smutty, Smelly Whores. F***in'. Burt Reynolds. None of these are words that we want associated
with our children. So it is always a shock - a sickening shock - to receive the kind of e-mails that depict Elmer
Fudd in a coke-snorting gang-bang with Fred Flinstone and Dino, or other such desecrations of beloved childhood idols. It is with this mental image of Barney the Dinosaur
masturbating onto a pair of young, full breasts that I suggest we seek our e-mail picture 'jollies' elsewhere.
Instead of mouthing a sinful guffaw when confronted with the disturbing image
of Elmo humping a fire hydrant, why not laugh a more wholesome belly-laugh at the fading/faded career of Jason Donovan, Vanilla
Ice, Kevin Costner,
Ted Danson or countless others.
Jason Donovan Birthdate: June 01, 1968 Birthplace: Malvern, Australia Occupation: Actor Known Most Recently For: Drug habit; laying on tiles in plush London nightclubs; 'That guy from Neighbours'; ambiguous
bisexuality; former girlfriends/possible future boyfriends
As you can see, the fun to be had from coming up
with your own short Washed-up Celebrity
e-Profiles would be endless....and
much more clean and wholesome than Charlie Brown giving Linus oral stimulation.
Section 3: The perenially-hated chain-letter
A favourite e-mail amongst superstitious types
is the chain-letter. Many of these e-mails pertain to have originated from such historic roots such as a 1867-era
Tibetan Monastery, a World War I bunker or from a page in King Arthur's legendary Court - all interestingly enough
are eras in which e-mail, and for that matter computers, did not exist. Strange
then, that these letters continue to circulate, especially when the mythical supernatural powers they are supposed
to contain do absolutely nothing for poor saps such as myself who have lost all faith in good luck. Yes, dammit, the chain letters do nothing...and
I am damn bitter about it. Here is an example of a typical chain letter at
work:
Email received at: xxxxxxxxxxx Subject line: OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD!! CHECK
IT OUT!!!! >>I just tried this out....I sent it
to 15 people that i know and, within half an hour had a new car, got my dream date to fall in love with me and
>>had my prize fighting rooster, Seamus, win in our local seedy cockfight! >>It's simple...just scroll down the
page thinking about the cute boy or girl that you love and how much you hate Richard Wilkins. >>Ready?! stytart scrolling!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
keep scrolling! >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>Do it now!! 0-5 people....dream on!! >>5-9 people....you will become better
friends with your dream date. sometime in the near future they will complement you on how your ass looks >>in
tight jeans. this is a sign. 10-11 people....you're almost there! just hope
the grim spectre of death >>that hangs over you doesn't steal your heart and soul before your true love does!! >>12-12 1/2 people....you're true love
will call you ansd tell you how they feel!!!!!!! __________________________________________________________________________ More people selling their kidneys ONLINE! http://www.kidneys4ka$h.com
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Are you thinking of your dxreamy date?!!1
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
STOP!!!!
>>>>>Now...send this e-mail to 12 1/2 people or more in the next 23 minutes, and then you will receive
a visit from Kevin Costner who will >>tell you that all your dreams are coming true!!
As you can see, these e-mails are both pointless
and annoying.....But I don't know, maybe that's just me being cynical : )*. Anyway, I have
put my money where my mouth is and decided that I can do better than these crappy hoax letters, and provide loyal
Mule HQ© readers
with a chain-letter which provides realistic expectations: *- Note: In e-mails - especially in these e-mails, this lil' character represents supposed to be a happy face. Just making sure
you knew : )
Subject line: Well, send it if you want...I'm
not guaranteeing anything Hi. How was your day? What? Made redundant?
But you've worked at that steel mill since you were knee-high to Gary Coleman! Oh well, I send this e-mail *hoping*
you get some good luck...but I mean, really!!...As if some stupid electronic document is gonna bring your wife
back to you. You don't want her, she's a whore anyway. Trust
me, I know. Anyway....scroll down this page and wish for
your average ordinary life to get better...then send this e-mail to 15 people and remind them how good they've
got things - Ask them if they actually really *want* a shiny new Porsche, or to rule the world with an iron fist.
When speaking of people like this I am reminded so much of the words of Abraham Lincoln: "Nearly all men can stand adversity, but
if you want to test Do ya *really* have things so bad right now?
And how the hell is a stupid e-mail going to help?...although it *would* be nice to meet your dream date...I mean,
as French writer Andre Maurois (aka Emile Herzog 1885-1967) once said: "Often we allow ourselves to be upset
by small things we So cheer up! Send out this e-mail, Then go
out and try make your dream actually happen by *working* for it...turn off your damn computer and dance through
fields of tulips...your day *will* come...and it's got jackshit to do with luck!!! Scroll down and make your wish! >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Making
your wish?! >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
STOP!! 0-5 people: You will have more time to look
at free internet pornography 6-10 people: they will most likely all get
annoyed with you and start calling you names like 'assface' __________________________________________________________________________ Costly phone calls are a thing of the past!
Just click: http://www.carrierpigeoninc.com
a man's character, give him power."
should despise and forget. We lose many irreplaceable hours
brooding over grievances that, in a year's time, will be
forgotten by us and by everybody."
Ok, now send this to:
11-15 people: You're wasting your time. find a good crack dealer, buddy
Of course, if you prefer to hitch your luck to
the e-mail bandwagon whilst *real* people laugh at you, then by all means....