The turning point in my life

One late night, my boyfriend came home drunk, and being sick of him being drunk all the time I said I had it, it was over he had to leave that night. Out of pain and anger we started to fight, I can only remember him putting his hands around my throat and choking me to death. My friend was there at the time, and if it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here today. She had saved my life. I was stunned and in shock...we took care of my ex a few weeks later, he went to jail.

But as I continued to think about death...I looked back on my past and I wondered what I had done to make a contribution to this world, to other peoples lives, was I really happy...and was I ready for death if it came back again. There was nothing I could think of that really made me feel like I had made my life complete. So I changed my frame of mind, I felt guilty for all the things I had done...I was mean to people in my past and to the ones that I loved. I couldn't go on with that, and I grieved for a long time about it. Then I made a goal, to clean up my mind and heart and ask those for forgiveness, and especially to myself.

Few years down the road I tracked down most of the people I had hurt and asked for forgiveness, surprisingly enough most of them accepted my apology, some hated me right to the bone still, and there is nothing I can do to make them forgive me, as long as I could forgive myself...and I had made my intention clear to them.

After all was said and done with that, I felt like I was trapped, I felt as though I had to do things to make me happy, I had to laugh and I had to make others laugh with me, so I loosened up my personality, and why should I discriminate people for what they look like, or things they have done, remember that most of my life people had discriminated me for the color of my skin. Realistically, who I am and the color of my skin really means nothing, being a good person on the inside is what really matters. Finding this out...took me forever it seemed. I was a very hateful person at one time...and it was very ugly. I never want to be like that again.

I feel that if we were all blind and couldn't see who we were talking to all we have left is the soul and spirit of a person...and that is where we should look at, the inside of a person and not what it looks like on the outside. I can't make people look at me for who I am, I can only gain their attention by sharing what I have within me as a person and share my knowledge of life experiences and wisdom, if they are willing to listen.

Onwards to Live and Learning

Onwards to Live and Learning

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