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Jamaica Welcome from Camille
 

Life

Life has been my silent burden
Throughout my journey in this world.
I realized this as I lay in my deathbed
Just before I died…

He's been the pressure all through childhood
Ensuring that I made friends
With other children
So their parents could be pleased…
That I excelled in school
So my parents could be proud…
That I never displayed disturbing behaviour
To alert the grown-ups around me
To deviant tendencies…
That I always was a happy child
So that they wouldn't do 'bad things' to me…
Like 'send me away'.

He was the stress of my adolescence
Pressuring me to mingle with other teenagers
So that people could call me normal
Making sure that I had typical relationships
With the opposite sex
So that I would stay heterosexual throughout life
Guaranteeing that I would take home good grades
Which would give me a place in college
Where I would study a career that Life had picked out for me

He became the stress of college life
To do exceedingly well in college
To master the chosen career and
Maybe even pick out a life-long mate
To build some sort of family with
Making love, babies and a home
That everyone could be envious of
Or proud of – depending on who was looking.

He has remained the tension of my adult years
To constantly be earning above my means
To make sure that my family was provided for
To send my children through school
To keep my mate happy
To keep my parents proud
To keep my friends envious
To keep myself sane through all this strife

And he was with me on my deathbed

Do you know what life finally said to me
While sitting on my deathbed?

He said, "Why did you toil so hard all your days?"
So I said, "To yield to your pressure."
And he replied, "But, I was only there because I was to be lived",
"And enjoyed"
"And remembered with fondness…"
"Not pain. I never was intended to cause pain… only joy!"
And I realized I spent my whole life
Worrying about the pressures of life
Instead of enjoying the gift of life
And I was sad.
 
©August 1998
Camille Moore-Chang. All rights reserved.
 
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